maritalbliss86

On 10/31/2021 at 5:23 PM, Jibralta said:

Hey! Hope all is well over there.

I just saw this right now!!  

Doing well 🙂 just getting back into reading ENA 

4 hours ago, DenverDude said:

This is my final response to this.  Many here, like Tinydance, just don't get it.  This is a business arrangement.  I have ZERO romantic or physical feelings for her.  She ASKED to go with me.  She never goes on vacation.  It was outside of our normal arrangement.  I said yes as a favor to her and because I thought it would be more fun.

My beef is that she didn't offer to pay a nickel.  And then she waited until I bought a $32 ticket for an event until she said that she didn't want to go.    She didn't offer to make it right or apologize.   I also had to leave the hot springs early because she sat outside in the cold.   Apparently many here would be okay with throwing money away like that.  I'm not, and it says a lot about her character.  

In my opinion, she took advantage of you for a free vacation ☹️ sounds like it sucked for you! Just my thoughts....

On 11/12/2021 at 3:31 PM, DenverDude said:

I found  a rent-a-friend a few years ago.  She has a hard life, works three jobs, and is from another country.  She comes over every 3 or 4 weeks and I have dinner delivered, we watch a movie, she goes home, and I give her $100.  Strictly platonic. She has a few forkfulls and takes the rest of the dinner home.  A little annoying.

Last week she was here and said I didn't have to pay her, but I did.  I want to keep it businesslike.

This past weekend she thanked me for the time and money, and recalled that I would be renting an Amtrak roomette for a 2-day trip to the mountains, and she wanted to go with me.  I said yes.  So we went up the other day.  I paid for the Uber to the station, the train (food included), hotel, etc.  There was a problem with her ticket but she was able to eat free on the train. I fixed it later so that she could eat on the return trip, also.

I told her that if she wanted to go into the hot springs to bring a bathing suit.  She forgot, but said she would improvise.  See we took a taxi ( I paid) to the area and I paid the $64 ($32 each) for the hot springs for 2.5 hours.  She then decided she didn't want to go in.  I felt uncomfortable in the water by myself while she sat it out with a parka on.  A big waste of $32.  We then headed to a Mexican restaurant.  She ordered a huge meal even though she wasn't hungry, ate a tiny amount, and decided to take it with her for the train the next day.  I figured she would pick up the tab - or at least offer.  Nope.

So the next day we eat on the train, so she threw away the food from the night before. What a waste.

I am not poor.  I'm also pretty generous.  But I'm still pissed off about this.  Not even an apology for the wasted hot springs ticket.  She didn't spend a dime on this trip.

If I see her again I will tell her that I won't be supplying food when she comes over.  I feel taken advantage of.  Feeling bad for her working 80 hours per week has clouded my judgement.

Am I being too harsh, too easy, or too cheap?

 

 

Im sorry I didn't read your post before commenting earlier. She just sounds disinterested in general 😕 which would be the problem with renting someone.

Finding someone you are genuinely interested in and the other is as well makes things more compatible or at least reciprocal. Good luck I hope you find what you're looking for 😊

I'm loving this whole rent a friend/partner thing LoL 

😆

F*cking can't believe what's happening in Afghanistan.

On 8/6/2021 at 4:19 PM, Jibralta said:

I love history, but tracing ancestors gives it a context that is so illuminating.

Yes, it makes me feel a strange longing for them... wishing I could have known them or something... just a very strange kind of connection once you find out who your ancestors were, and what they were like, etc.  My mom has done a lot of work to figure out both her side and my dad's side and it's just insane.

But like you said on Dias' page, you have to cross-reference a lot to make sure.  She's found SO much though, and I think she's used, "find a grave," many times to make sure the dates were correct (sometimes ancestry has the dates wrong), and she's even found old immigrant passage lists on ships that showed our relatives names, where they left from, where they arrived, all the kids that were on board with them.  Just incredible how much you can find, but it's VERY hard... it's taken her I think over 10 years to find out all she has, and even then it feels like only scratching the surface!

From William Penn's book, "Fruits of Solitude," (he lived from 1644-1718, was a Quaker Christian, frequently imprisoned for having different religious beliefs) - 

I love reading Old English 🙂❤️ 

"92. But in Marriage do thou be wise; prefer the Person before Money; Vertue before Beauty, the Mind before the Body: Then thou hast a Wife, a Friend, a Companion, a Second Self; one that bears an equal Share with thee in all thy Toyls and Troubles.  6

  93. Chuse one that Measures her satisfaction, Safety and Danger, by thine; and of whom thou art sure, as of thy secretest Thoughts: A Friend as well as a Wife, which indeed a Wife implies: For she is but half a Wife that is not, or is not capable of being such a Friend.  7

  94. Sexes make no Difference; since in Souls there is none: And they are the Subjects of Friendship.  8

  95. He that minds a Body and not a Soul, has not the better Part of that Relation; and will consequently want (lack) the Noblest Comfort of a Married Life.  9

  96. The Satisfaction of our Senses is low, short, and transient: But the Mind gives a more raised and extended Pleasure, and is capable of an Happiness founded upon Reason; not bounded and limited by the Circumstances that Bodies are confin’d to.  10

  97. Here it is we ought to search out our Pleasure, where the Field is large and full of Variety, and of an induring Nature: Sickness, Poverty, or Disgrace, being not able to shake it, because it is not under the moving Influences of Worldly Contingencies.  11

  98. The Satisfaction of those that do so is in well-doing, and in the Assurance they have of a future Reward: That they are best loved of those they love most, and that they enjoy and value the Liberty of their Minds above that of their Bodies; having the whole Creation for their Prospect, the most Noble and Wonderful Works and Providences of God, the Histories of the Antients, and in them the Actions and Examples of the Vertuous; and lastly, themselves, their Affairs and Family, to exercise their Minds and Friendship upon.  12

  99. Nothing can be more entire and without Reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented and constant than such a Couple; nor no greater temporal Felicity than to be one of them.  13 (this I feel is us!)

  100. Between a Man and his Wife nothing ought to rule but Love. Authority is for Children and Servants; yet not without Sweetness.  14

  101. As Love ought to bring them together, so it is the best Way to keep them well together.  15

  102. Wherefore use her not as a Servant, whom thou would’st, perhaps, have serv’d Seven Years to have obtained.  16

  103. An Husband and Wife that love and value one another, shew their Children and Servants, That they should do so too. Others visibly lose their Authority in their Families by their Contempt of one another; and teach their Children to be unnatural by their own Example."

Wise advise from a few hundred years ago 😉 

4 hours ago, Seraphim said:

She  went crying to her boss obviously who  then sent my husband a crappy email about him being irritated and CCed all his coworkers. 🤯🤯🤯🤯She said she did so hoping one of them was his boss. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Okay, now we know you are a vindictive twunt.

My husband had a similar thing happen a few months ago... a female on his job was doing really crappy stuff that was so unnecessary, and then getting irrationally angry and causing drama similar to how you describe.  She got into it with my husband and he backed down since it just revealed how awful she was to everyone else.  Multiple people were remarking on it, but SHE thought she had showed them all 🤷‍♂️.

Thankfully she resigned recently 🙏.   Everyone is safer, too.

4 hours ago, Seraphim said:

My husband is getting his extra months’ pay moving allowance mid month thankfully, but they combined it with his regular pay and took off $4000 for income tax. 🤯🤯🤯

Is there any way you can fill out a tax form so that the extra $$$ is less taxed due to work-related expenses?  

That's what we do whenever he gets a lot extra for, "services," ... it REALLY helps, otherwise they tax the hell out of the extra $$$

So I was reading that old thread I started almost a year ago about my FIL pressuring us to go to counseling with my husband's brother and his wife.  It's hard to believe how much has happened in just a year's time... I mean, now, he and his dad (and mom) aren't even talking to each other anymore.  It just seemed to escalate on their part so fast with the passive-aggressiveness and then the silent treatment (and my husband being done with it all).

I had almost forgotten though, how he'd tried so hard to pressure us into that... re-reading that thread was really good.  

I thought about updating what ended up happening, but I think I'll just post it here instead of that older thread (especially since that issue is closed out)....  So BIL and SIL ended up having a baby and no one told my husband when it was born, the sex, name, or anything.  He found out accidentally that they had even had it  🤷‍♂️  This was months ago.  I think we found out in May or late April.

Then just a couple of nights ago, he found out that their baby was born premature at 35 weeks, and also had severe health issues 😞 just so awful!  No wonder why no one told us about the birth.  So it was probably born in March.  Our oldest was born premature, too, at 36 weeks.  We spent a week in NICU with him, so we know what that's like somewhat.

I feel sorry for them, and yet my husband remarked we can't really DO anything for them, they wouldn't want it.  He saw a GofundMe account set up because apparently the treatments their baby needs is exorbitant (2.5 million to 4 million).  We don't know anything about what he really has wrong, but it sounds tragic.

11 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I just hope she's not one of those people who gets upset about stuff like that. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but what a drag. 

Hopefully not.  Hopefully she knows she's like that.  I swear people who talk like that on the phone know when they're delaying you from getting off the call, they just don't care so much (I think their need to talk is higher than their concern you have to go). 🙂 

14 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Just call screen. One time - unrelated but a good tactic - our son was an infant  and I was giving him a bottle.  A really annoying person called my husband. He answered but wanted to keep it short.  So I removed the bottle from the baby’s  mouth very briefly so he’d let our one piercing wail.  “Oh!  Baby’s crying have to go !!!”  Do something similar IMHO

I've used that before!

Wanted to add... the keratin treatment is priced so high because it's fairly awful and time-consuming.  the brand I got is supposed to last 5 months though (reviewers said their's lasted a lot longer... 8-10 months if you take care of it).  

I don't know why I thought it'd be a great idea to have a glass of wine while doing it 🍷... but I did and that made things a lot harder 😂! 

Like... drunk Keratin treatment harder!  My husband definitely had a laugh watching me.  I'm a lightweight and we never usually drink... LOL... so it was an experience.  Very glad I didn't make all my hair fall out. 😂

My husband booked us an anniversary trip for this weekend... it was supposed to be a surprise but thankfully he told me early (don't like surprises like that!).  It's just going to be me and him, NO kids ❤️  I'm very excited about this!  

I needed to touch up my hair though... usually I do it myself because highlights really aren't that hard and I love saving the money, but a friend got hers done at a salon school and they looked incredible!  So I decided to give it a try last week, and they came out amazing and it was a total of $30 !!!!

So then I thought about how it'd be nice to get a Keratin treatment... I've never had one and my hair could really benefit from the anti-frizz properties, but they're usually somewhere between $300-400 for long hair.  Just not ever worth it in my mind.

BUT I found out I could do it myself and buy the professional grade product and just give myself a keratin treatment at home!  So I bought it for $50 and did it a few days ago and WOW is keratin life-changing.  I didn't realize my hair has gotten so long since cutting it last year.  It's about 2 feet in length and the keratin treatment looks amazing 😮   

So... highlights for $30 and a keratin treatment for $50 done myself (plus I learned a new valuable-to-me skill) I saved us well over $400.  😍🤑

Loving my new hair!

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I wondered if she'd popped a molly. I had (and still have) anxiety that she will call back one day, that this could become some kind of routine for her, or that she will expect me to call her. 

LOL I think some people just talk a lot.  She's probably extroverted and dying of social stimulation in this pandemic.

On 8/2/2021 at 10:20 AM, Seraphim said:

Anxiety just reminds you, you are human. Moving IS stressful. We have had 3 deaths in the family within a year as well. Closing my business here was heart wrenching and will need strength to rebuild it in * 

I'm so glad you find strength and push through.  Hoping things get better.

I was thinking about you, Jilbralta, and wondering at times about this situation and how it was working out.  ((Hugs))

We went to see our counselor again yesterday, not that it was really needed, just for making sure we're able to help our kids process their grandparents' actions (like our oldest figuring out they weren't getting him anything this year... or his siblings... and how we protect him from those emotions or at least help him work through them appropriately).

It was so good... it always is though.  

He reminded us what they did during the winter storm... he still doesn't understand why my MIL was out in a trailer for over a year at that point, doing childcare inside the RV instead of in my SIL's house (but she's always treated her mom this way... I guess the lack of sympathy or caring for her just had the opportunity to show how extreme it could become).

He reminded us how my FIL chose to make that awful remark angering my husband right at the end of their phone conversation, and explained to us that it's like a health patient that throws out a bomb at the end of the session, knowing the doctor won't really have time to address it.  Just incredibly hostile and VERY immature, but he showed us how it's again... about control. 

He showed us how my FIL desperately wants to control us/my husband.  He knew my husband was about to go, as he had just told him he had to get the milk and the store was trying to close the doors right at the moment (winter storm crisis made things close early). 

So he was knowingly forcing my husband to have to choose to either talk to him right then and miss getting our kids what they need, or ignore his comment so that our kids could have milk in a state-wide crisis.  He showed us how our family comes second in my FIL's mind.  My FIL didn't care how his words would affect my husband, and didn't care how his manipulation could impact our kids in not getting milk!

I love how he can see all this so clearly and points out how immature and inappropriate they act.

He did congratulate my husband on being such a good dad & husband that he blew his dad's comment off, and chose to put our kids' needs first.  He reiterated how myself and the kids come first, and they're hostile to that arrangement and deeply resent it. 

Proud of my husband, he really is doing great at this, it isn't so hard for him anymore, he really is enjoying life and doesn't care what they're doing in the background.  

It's not holding a grudge at all, just that we don't trust them anymore.  We're, "intelligently self-protective."  

Ugh I can't wait for fall!!!  But I love Summer and Spring and Winter, too LOL...

I just love all the seasons 😂 but Fall is so special ❤️ 

Do you make a lot of Fall-seaony foods?

Just was confirmed to be on the Committee for the tweens for one of the coops we're in.  I'm very excited about this... our oldest is the, "tween," in the family, and I've seen their events and get-together from afar, thinking how awesome of an opportunity this is going to be for him (these are great kids and great parents!).  

But I never thought I'd actually get to BE on that committee.

The woman stepping down is moving out of state, so she's emailing me all of her, "secrets," she said about the best loved events and games to play and how to do this.

Fingers crossed I do this well.

20 hours ago, Seraphim said:

The number of tornadoes this year is out right crazy.

It really is.  There was a town in the Northern US that had 4 all at once descend down upon it a couple of nights ago.

And we've had more last year and this year than we've ever had that I can remember.

I'm glad your neighbor survived, but wow those are some injuries! 😞 

So grateful for our sweet little dog ❤️.  I know he has his couch issues (LOL) but he really is such a pleasure.

On 7/24/2021 at 1:48 PM, Seraphim said:

Here we have been INFESTED with Gypsy Moth and they are killing trees in abundance. 

That's awful 😞  And yes, I'm wondering if there's an infestation somewhere of their caterpillars because this is a lot of butterflies. 

They're definitely not moths... and it's not migration season, and they're not migrating anyway... their flight patterns are different when they're migrating.  Migration looks more like they're just, "passing through," and it has a definite direction.  These ones are just flitting around, staying mostly in our yard and flying over the back at times, but I do agree the overall effect is beautiful. ❤️ 

That is so hard to figure out with K... women are confusing sometimes.  But overall, it sounds good.

I do think the best thing you can do is try to not care so much.  Sounds like you're already doing that.

I understand though that dates like that can mess with your head.  

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Beautiful. I would love it. 

I'm wondering where their caterpillars are coming from and what plants they're eating... ?  As a gardener, I don't know what to make of it!