maritalbliss86

Just now, Seraphim said:

Oh no they are 7 and 5 and have been stuck with each other for months. They literally want to beat the crap out of each other . 

Ooooo wow!  Yikes!  Good luck!

4 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

The two sisters are here today and ready to kill each other. 😖

Yikes!  Toddler wars LOL!

On 7/27/2019 at 11:46 AM, Seraphim said:

My in-laws 60th anniversary was OK . That was until it got to the part with my sister-in-law’s speech. She turns to me and says you will always be part of our family just know that . She must’ve seen the look on my face because Lord knows my face needs deliverance because it tells you exactly what’s on my mind no holds barred. I swear to God I almost laughed. And she says no no really . Not one word comes out of either one of his parents . She even had to make a point of showing me the anniversary plate she had made with my name before hers.

 

You are not impressing me girl . Uh huh. You know I am still mad about you cursing and swearing at my husband and treating him like shyte for almost a year . And spoiling last Thanksgiving and Christmas for everybody . Don’t bother trying to weasel in that doesn’t work with me .

I know this was awhile ago, but just wanted to remark on how people use big events to make really weird speeches.  At least you could laugh about it, that's really good.

We were held up as a bad example at the last event we attended (with lots of extended family members there)... it was like a public roasting for how we had a prior estrangement that had been reconciled for years at that point!  It was beyond humiliating, and I kept thinking to myself how crazy they were using something as important as a wedding to, "get back at us."  Just seemed so distasteful.  One aunt came up to me afterward and said, "At least you have your family and beautiful children...."  Obviously she was trying to console me.

11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I move into my new apartment at the end of this week.  Really looking forward to being in my own place with my own kitchen!

That sounds so hard ugh!  At least you're moving out, congrats on that!

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

My poor dear Pippy such a tragedy. 😓😢

Is it the Pippi Longstocking that's posted here for years?  😢  I knew she was sick, but didn't know the extent.  

4 minutes ago, mylolita said:

People who set up and run their own companies are a little bit crazy, I have learnt. You have to be, to even do it, because it goes against all the safety nets normal people like to have in place. You have to be a major risk taker. This is what my husband is, this is how I am, in a way, but not to the same extent (it stresses me out far, far more). But! This is all fine and well when you are single and have nothing much to lose. Throw kids in the mix and baby bumps and the pressure takes on a new meaning.

 

You have to tirelessly spend and put in all the money you can into your business to make any money. That corny phase, “spent money to make money” is true. This means instead, if we put most of the money we made in the bank, we’d have one lovely little nest egg but no business left within a year or two, and it’s taken him 16 years to build it up. 

Yes, it makes sense to me.  We're kind of in the middle, but I'm familiar with what you're talking about.

Most people who finally, "make it," with their businesses had to continuously keep pouring almost everything in... since he's so well mentioned here   even Elon Musk had to pour in his fortune he made when selling off Paypal (21 million) to finance his other projects, which he had a feeling would totally tank!  I'm sure he has to fund a lot of his projects still as well... it's like a never-ending thing and very stressful. 

So yes, I get it that doing your own business means taking risks and is a completely different ballgame than what normal people do.  Just saying if you wanted to free up your mortgage (if you have a mortgage), scaling down and buying in cash is a quick, easy way for the most part.  Ditto with selling expensive cars and buying what you need in cash. 🙂

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

The thing is, I just need to let go and be happy to start something fresh, family orientated and maybe yes, maybe a little more boring. Maybe a bit more routine and yes, maybe with a little less glamour. It doesn't hurt me any less to say that but I know it is the right and the responsible thing to do. 

LOL I feel like I totally understand you.  I think our personalities are a lot alike, I've just had to force myself overtime to be more responsible, do things like handle our budget and financial planning (long-term type of goals).  I'm not naturally like that, or at least, I wasn't. It was very hard for me to transition into that, but it becomes more your personality the more you practice it out.  Especially when you see things pay off year from year... it gives you incentive 🙂.

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

All adult, serious concepts I really hadn't ever been bothered with, again, now at the grand old age of 31.

^Believe it or not, for our generation, and for some Gen Xer's... it does take that long for us/them to grow up and start taking financial stuff seriously.

They really should have a better economics class in high school where students are taught basic life skills of living within their means and balancing a budget, investment making, etc.  

Since we homeschool, I'm planning on using Dave Ramsey's curriculum to teach our oldest starting next year for middle schoolers.  That way he's more prepared than we were, and will get a massive head start on his business ideas and savings etc.

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

So now time is against us to sell our house and hopefully move to the country.

This is a realistic option though!  Also selling the car and getting one in full cash that's a lot cheaper.  We buy almost everything in cash, especially cars if we're able.

If you can sell and then try to buy something smaller, and buy it in full, you won't have a mortgage to worry about and instantly that should save you a couple thousand per month.  

It's so doable, Lo ❤️  Letting go of materialistic things, especially when it means you'll have more cash saved overtime, is hard at first but gets addicting overtime.

11 hours ago, mylolita said:

Only minor bums were this: we couldn't get a wedding license for her private home, so we did go sign legal marriage documents without anyone knowing a few months beforehand. No one knew about this and everyone presumed it was a legal ceremony at the house but technically it was just an exchanging of vows. But, we always see that day as our real day. My Uncle, who was a judge at the time, was the officiant at our wedding. It was all very personal, there wasn't a single person there who we didn't know, no staff, etc. 

That sounds absolutely perfect, Lo ❤️.  

We eloped a couple of weeks beforehand, too, still had the, "big day," but mostly so other people could celebrate.  We celebrate our anniversary on the elopement date, though.  It was very romantic just being us.  I would never do it again differently ❤️.

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

I actually believe men are much more romantic than believed, and most the men I know (all none religious) all want to find someone to settle down and marry, even if they are casually screwing around, they are still searching for that one, just like the general woman!

Yes, my husband was like this ❤️.  I think most men are true romantics at heart.  And unfortunately, the way a lot of women behave, they seem much less romantic and more pragmatic in a very off-putting way.  Like deciding they'll settle down with someone boring just to have babies... that Leaned-In woman actually told working women to do that.  It's open season to, "use," men for pragmatic purposes, and yet men are the ones who are stereotyped as, "pigs."  I think it's backwards.  I think a lot of women use men for marriage and children, without ever truly loving them (at least... that's what I've seen in the multitude of failed marriages we've witnessed).

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

PS - can I just soppily add, that when you truly fall in love with someone, it is beyond physical. You worship that persons mind.

...

Where the connection lies is in the unique thing that you will never replicate which is, that persons “spirit” or mind or, whatever you want to call it. But you know when you find it that you can’t get yourself another one.

They get you, you get them, a meeting of mind, body and soul, and when you find that you realise the odds of lightening have struck in your small and insignificant favour and if you have half a brain left you hold onto such a precious cargo with all your being and will! 

Yes!  It is so insanely romantic to be in love like this.  And then to see it last so dang long... same intensity etc.  Sex keeps getting better... which is so strange and odd, yet crazy wonderful.  It doesn't seem possible to have found someone like it, and yet every day it proves itself to be true.  I understand completely.

2 minutes ago, dias said:

Hmmm, so women are generally less happy in their marriage than men, imagine that, and it's women who want to get married so badly, it does not make sense but again nothing makes sense in this world...dunno..

Yes, your points could be right.  I still think it's interesting and if it could have been disproven, you know other researchers will certainly try merely because this is so countercultural that most people do not want it to be true. 

There's a lot of incentive to disprove this kind of thing, so overtime, if they can't, that speaks volumes.

On your #2 point... I saw that, too, and thought it odd.  But I think most women have a very hard time being genuinely happy (with anything) in life.  I know that sounds awful, but with all the women I've ever met, from childhood till now, not very many were genuinely happy people.  They weren't happy single, so what makes them think they'll be happier married?  

So of course, a person's tendency to be happy when single or not, would also apply. 

Men seem happier in their lives overall (generalized of course), whether single or married.  Sadly I think women just aren't wired that way.  Women have more mental illnesses in every age group/stage of life, more dissatisfaction in their jobs (across the board!), in almost every study, you'll oddly find that women are more unhappy than men (generalized).  They claim this is due to sexism, but I'm not so sure.  I think sadly... women tend to be hard to please, less grateful for their lives, and tend to make comparisons and all that comparing leads them to experience a lot of unhappiness.  Social media also tends to make women less happy, whereas men don't report as much unhappiness with social media usage.

You have to look across the board to see levels of happiness of both sexes.  Levels of mental illness, etc.  And then you can kind of see why more women rather than men, tend to be less happy in marriage.  Marriage won't make a chronically unhappy person suddenly happy... it will just bring the other partner down to their level.

More from this article (discussing that study):

"These divorce-proof brides are an exclusive crew: By the 2010s, he writes, just 5 percent of new brides were virgins. And just 6 percent of their marriages dissolved within five years, compared with 20 percent for most people."

"Nicholas Wolfinger, a sociologist at the University of Utah, has found that Americans who have only ever slept with their spouses are most likely to report being in a “very happy” marriage. Meanwhile, the lowest odds of marital happiness—about 13 percentage points lower than the one-partner women—belong to women who have had six to 10 sexual partners in their lives. For men, there’s still a dip in marital satisfaction after one partner, but it’s never as low as it gets for women, as Wolfinger’s graph shows:"

4 hours ago, dias said:

Also, success rate does not mean a happy marriage. 

In a lot of these studies they're starting to ask about that though, and especially sexual happiness.  I'd have to look back again at this specific one, but the ones that report the highest marital happiness and sexual happiness tend to be predictable. (0 - low partner count, religious)

3 hours ago, dias said:

MB when you say you hated dating, imagine if you had to date 500 people to find what you wanted and not 10 people let's say. And you are a woman, you don't even have to try chasing and whatnot

You're right, it's totally different from what men experience.  Y'all really do have it harder.  

1 hour ago, dias said:

😂🤣😂

Hey you can laugh, but it was a huge deal for me at 17😂  You'd think my faith would drive a normal Atheist crazy 😂!  So we were a very strange match, imo, but he was very in love with me for some reason, and I was crazy about him.  If we'd been having sex, I'm almost certain we would have married eventually, and then been up sh*t creek when trying to raise our kids religious or Atheist!  He'd already gotten me to meet his parents, and they had met in high school and were passionately in love, and he did keep reaching out during college and once when I was married and had social media, so the feelings were intense, even without sex.

That's the thing about sex....  Without sex with these other guys, I was able to let them go at the first signs it wouldn't really work out.  It led to smarter, more efficient dating, imo.  Sex can cloud a woman's judgment ability, make her stay too long when she should leave, and *here's the kicker no one talks about* probably get her to marry the wrong man.

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

This is very interesting Marital!

 

I would be curious what portion people of religious faith make up the 94%. My gut feeling is the majority! 
 

Lo x

Most religious/Christian women still have quite a few partners, but there were a few of us who did what I did.

Ironically, we're the ones who were more wild and passionate about love, which is just really odd when you think about that.

I hated hated hated dating...  and by the time I was engaged to my husband, I had had a  lot of dates, from allllll kinds of men, even older men.  I even had a young professor who had a crush on me (which rightfully scared me!)... so it is not at all that I, "settled," for the first thing (LOL) with my husband, even though it could look that way online because you weren't there.  But I was really social, very extroverted, especially in college and I had one guy (that was cute) literally following me around and I'd have to hide in the library sometimes to get away.

My husband also would make sure he'd position himself in a certain hallway, just so he could see me walk by (he told me after we were together).  

So I felt almost hunted or something when dating.  And the men that I did date, sometimes, were very obsessive.  (Edited to add - I also dated lots of different kinds of men, which was nice because it helped me know what I liked...  I even dated an Atheist, and I really liked him, but ended it since it would never have worked out.  But I definitely never felt like I had settled for the, "first thing,").

I remember feeling once married, that it was just so much relief.  Marriage feels soooo much better than dating, so I think that was also why I decided to jump in early as possible.

1 hour ago, dias said:

My dear Lolita, what I meant is statistically speaking your first or second partner won’t be the right partner. Most people stay with their childhood sweetheart because of habit or comfort. Maybe it worked for you (or MB) which is great but consider yourself very very lucky. Anyway, I didn’t mean to criticize if you took it that way.

I don't know Dias... statistically, if a female stays with her first partner, she literally has a 94% success rate, only 6% divorce in those first 1-10 years.

I'm betting that goes up a bit in the years I'm in right now (the REALLY hard babies/young toddlers/husband's career taking off so he's not here as much)... divorce probably goes up to 8-10% in years 10-20, maybe even higher(?), but then I think after a certain point, it goes dramatically back down for couples in this group (who married their 1st everything).  After 25 years I'm sure it goes back down to around 6%, and then after 30 years, probably goes down to 1-3% which is just incredible when you think about those odds being in your favor.

Hard to argue with that 94% success rate and happiness reports (sexual happiness).  This group also has less cheating, too.

😍

25 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

For sure . I will be glad to have only two left in diapers. I remember when we had 5 in diapers and I wanted to cry. 
 

I have a one year old and a 2 year old in diapers. The 3 year old is potty training. And the others go to the bathroom themselves. 

Wow five would be so so hard!!!

Even with two it is a lot ... Sometimes feels like never-ending poop. 

On 4/26/2021 at 3:59 PM, LaHermes said:

I think Mr. McConnaughey will do all right.  Very talented man. And interesting.

 

Glad to see Anthony Hopkins won an Oscar despite the "Oscars" being (sadly) a Wokey platform. I am so fed up with this wokey stuff. 

 

 

I hope so.... It's always scary when an actor tries to play politics imo. 

We used to have Oscar parties years ago, really fun and kind of glamorous, but it got so boring with the constant political dialogue, we stopped.

Glad Anthony Hopkins won something, love him.

That is a great picture!!!

We are in the throes of potty training right now as well 🚽...  Very excited to only have one in diapers soon ... 🤞

35 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Oh my stepdad his mom babied  the crap out of him. He was the youngest of four and all his other siblings had to eat his vegetables including theirs and he got extra desserts while they eat his vegetables. His first wife used to crush his medication for him and put it in honey because he was such a baby then he met my mom after his first wife died. My mom doesn’t baby him at all and tells him to smarten up. 😂 

That's funny.  I can see how the last baby gets spoiled LOL. 

Our 4th baby is just SOOOOO adorable.  Sometimes I can't believe the strong emotions he elicits from me, cuddling him in the middle of the night is not bad at all, I love the bonding and getting to snuggle with him and comfort him.

He's still sleeping right now, he's taken to sleeping in almost till 9am 😲 

Trying not to spoil him, but he is just so darn cute and ALL the kids adore him and together as a familly I think he gets so much love and attention it's going to be hard for it not to go to his head LOL

15 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

So on my 1 st anniversary he bought me a replica cake and subsequently ate that whole cake too. 😂

Wow 😂 now that is some serious cake-addiction LOL!!!

9 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Ordered our anniversary cake. 

Aww so sweet.  We've never done a cake before... I may have to try this ❤️ .