Starlight925

Great advice so far. 
 

As for this relationship she’s in, I agree that there are so many red flags.

My mother said something to me once when there was a huge family conflict that I was in the middle of, and it resonated with me, this day I follow this advice. I asked my mother how she, the most opinionated woman on the planet, seem to stay out of all of the family drama, and got along with everyone. She said “when no one asks for my opinion, I don’t give it “.  in other words, as opinionated as she was about so many things, it was true that she never gave opinions about other peoples lives, that she wasn’t asked for. Because of that, regardless of what was going on in all of our lives, everyone still  got along with her.
 

I’m going through this with a friend right now. She’s in a relationship where I have so many opinions and see so many red flags, but because I want to maintain the friendship, I keep it to myself.

It hurts when our friends back away from us, because they found some thing that fulfills them emotionally, and they don’t even seem to have the time to text. I’m feeling this way right now with my friend, so I completely understand where you’re coming from.

Making new friends at your age is not as easy, but it’s necessary.

My advice would be not to look for one friend to replace her, but to look for new friends in general.

Join Meetups.  Volunteer. Take a certain gym class at a certain time every week.  Some sort of group where you’ll have something in common with people. Just look to get out and meet new people and make new friends so that you’re not as dependent on that one person.

Often, the “need to know” stems from insecurity.  (Ask me how I know lol).

I agree with the others, and that you should just let this lie, and let him come to you when he feels like talking. Then, you can let him know that you’ll be a happy listener anytime he’s ready to share more, but that you’re happy with the way things are right now.

That relieves the pressure on him, and at some point, I have a feeling he’ll come to you with some more details as he learns to trust you more and open up.

In the meantime, it sounds like things are going great, and that he is very happy with you. You go, girl!

You can go to a UPS store, a real estate office, etc., which will typically have a notary available.  For a witness, just bring a friend. 
 
You need a will.  We all need a will.  I’ve had one for 20 years, changed a few times.  I used an attorney, but in my case, he’s a friend’s husband, so he didn’t charge me much.   But I do think the online will services are valid. 
  
Add a codicil for specific items, i.e. if you want to leave a specific item to a specific person.  You can update the codicil as you wish. 

Make sure you have designated Benificiaries or TOD’s (Transfer On Death) for EVERY single account you each have, as these will supersede the will, and in many cases, allow exemption from probate. 

Are on dating sites?

I’m not saying abandon Meetups all together.  They can be really fun, as I had a great time at the one I attended.  Two really nice women who are good friends asked for my number, which to me is perfect, as that’s what I really want from it:  friendship. 
 

But great analogy to dating in the workplace. 
I’d rather meet for dating from online, so if it works out, it’s private.  If not, no harm no foul. 

The biggest issue with using Meetups to date is the fact that you may really enjoy the group itself, and if you date from it, it can become awkward if it doesn’t work out, plus it shuts you off to other possibilities, as you become known as in a relationship.

I went to a Meetup 2 weeks ago where this very thing happened.  In this case, the guy is still going, but his now ex-girlfriend now feels too awkward.  Plus, since their relationship took place within the group, a lot of people know the details. 
 
I overheard  a longtime member of this Meetup saying she warned them when they started dating, as she’s seen it so many times.

This was my first encounter at this particular Meetup, and I really liked it!   But I’m going through exactly what I’m speaking of, as I accepted a date with someone who apparently is “the guy who asks out all the new girls”.  He hasn’t called me again, despite all the “I had a great time, let’s do this again” talk.  
So now, I’m the one who feels awkward, like he was there first, and I just feel like I want to leave the Meetup.  I kick myself for accepting the date. 
 

Not to discourage you, but just offering a different perspective. 

Yes, she should be criticized for her choice if it was based solely on apartment size and financial assets. 
The first Bachelorette, Trista, stunned everyone when she chose Firefighter Ryan over Financier Charlie.  20 years, 2 kids, and a major multi-year illness of Ryan, and they’re still together.  She moved to Colorado and he resumed firefighting until his illness prevented him from progressing.  

I agree with @rainbowsandroses advice.

If you choose to stay with her, then employ her techniques of complete disengagement when your girlfriend pulls her next stunt, which you know she will.

You’ll know from her reactions how to proceed further.

My guess is, her being ignored will not be pretty.    I’m reminded of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction coming after Michael Douglas saying “I’m not gonna be ignored!” with that crazed look in her eyes.  No, I’m not saying your girlfriend is a true bunny boiler, but I am saying it seems like something is desperately wrong here.

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Or perhaps they clicked better sexually? 

Did Gerry not know how financially savvy she is until the fantasy suite episode? 

He found out right before fantasy suites. He asked her about her occupation. At 70, she’s still working in the financial industry.

On many message boards, it’s being pointed out how his eyes lit up when he realized how financially savvy she is, and when they went to her hometown, and he saw her home, which some have estimated at north of $2 million, his shift changed with her. 

I think he clicked better physically with Leslie, but Leslie is an aerobics instructor living in a small studio. In fact, on Hometown dates, they couldn’t even use Leslie’s apartment because it was too small for filming.

Maybe they’re in love, and they’ll walk off into the sunset and life will be grand for them. I just no longer have faith in this.

Yes, Theresa is a genuine person.  On the hometown dates, they went to her city and met her kids, grandkids, and her sister. You can see the genuine love the grandkids have for her, and she even says that she sees them every single day.

But she fell la-la over her head in love with Gerry, which I’m afraid is clouding her judgment in that they are moving to Charleston.

Yes, she looks amazing for her age. Dolly Parton has nothing on her. Lol.

Gerry said that the fantasy suite date changed everything and he made his decision to go with Teresa over Leslie in some scenes that we didn’t see.

Given what we now know about his financial history, it wouldn’t surprise me if Teresa pledged to come through for him financially.

I hate to be this pessimistic when I’ve been the optimist on this topic, all along, but moving someone away from their family, and all that they love is a classic first step in emotional abuse.

I read through your post about her causing WWIII over a few Instagram likes.  
She will do this every few weeks or so, because this is who she is. 
  I happen to agree that it sounds very much like Borderline Personality Disorder, which I’ve researched a lot, because I grew up with it (mother). 
  Extremely charming, loving, attentive….until they decide it’s time to blow up, cancel a vacation, a party, at the last minute, while you walk on eggshells.  
  The only way for you, unfortunately, is out of the relationship. 
  I’m not internet-diagnosing her, but I’ll ask you:  Is this the way you want to live?  In love one minute, attached at the hip 80% (not healthy, BTW), or in a free, loving relationship with respect, honor, and trust?

Watch her talk.  Botox, hair extensions, fillers.  
On the Message Boards, they’re saying she looks like a muppet.  Very odd-looking woman. 
 But all the women looked great.  All were 60+, and the only redeeming quality of the show was watching the bonds these women formed.  

I do think the wedding will happen because it’s being broadcast on ABC and the network is sending them immediately to Italy for “dream honeymoon “.  They are contractually obligated at this point.

The couple is scheduled to then move from both of their hometowns to Charleston South Carolina.  Gerry lives in Indiana and Teresa lives in New Jersey. They both have adult children and grandchildren with whom they are close so the move will put them far away from both of their families.

I did watch the entire show, and Teresa fell for him, hook, line and sinker.  I’m afraid she will be one of those women who will “stand by her man” regardless of what comes out about him.

It turns out, Gerry was lying along, prior to coming on the show.

He was sold to us as this sweet widow, mourning the love of his life Toni, saying he hadn’t had a date in over 40 years.

Recently, a woman came forward with text messages and other evidence to show that she, in fact, had a long relationship with him starting three months after Toni’s passing.

They even lived together for about a year.

This woman spoke of Gerry’s controlling nature. Now, of course, she’s an ex of his, but he told us all he hadn’t had so much as a date.

Over the year that they lived together, she gained about 10 pounds due to stress. When she was getting dressed to go to his high school reunion with him, he looked at her and said “You’re not coming looking like that. “

He also had said that he was a retired restaurateur.   Which is technically true, but it was actually a burger chain where he had purchased a franchise. Not a big deal, but he wasn’t this lonely guy living on a lake alone in his dream house. He was actually a maintenance man at a mental hospital and also installed hot tubs.

Just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

In this previous relationship, she said that he made her pre-pay him for dinners that they were going to eat out so that he could pay the bill and look like the big man.  Things like that.

After they broke up, he dated multiple other women and was actually on vacation with one when he got the call to be The Golden Bachelor.  He promptly broke up and signed on.

In one of the last episodes, he was asking Theresa about her occupation.  it turns out, she began trading stocks years ago and has an SEC license and is very financially savvy. You definitely saw his wheels turning, and his eyes light up like a slot machine.
 

There are definitely bachelor couples who are still together, but this is one I actually hope does not last.
  
The wedding is going to be televised on January 4, quite frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me at all, if they planned it this fast due to all of this coming out, so that Theresa barely has time to blink, let alone cancel.

I just hope she gets a prenup.
 

And yes, I stand corrected. I bought into this charming, sweet man and I’m so disappointed.
 

I’ve been the biggest Gerry supporter since Day 1. 
  Turns out, he’s been a lying jerk all along.  
There are online articles about it, just look it up. 
Rumor has it he only chose Theresa for her money, which makes sense given all that’s now coming out about him. 
  I’m so disappointed. 

2 hours ago, BobPlant said:

If she didn’t love me I don’t think she would try. 

I doubt I’ll ever be as close to her again though and I’ve certainly no intentions of moving in with her or proposing- things that were on the cards before I found all this out. 

I disagree with your statement about her loving you therefore she’s trying.   I think you might be blinded because you care so much for her, but this woman has not been honest with you.  

And because she’s been dishonest, I wouldn’t hold any stock in how much she “loves” you, I’m sorry to say.

I don’t blame you for the way you feel at all. Honestly I’d be out the door.

She’s only stopped seeing him because you told her to, not because she thinks it’s wrong. This spells trouble up ahead, as she just does not understand how heinous this is.

So now, you are stuck in this relationship that you know will never be as close as it was before, and all of your plans for the future have changed due to this.

I hate to have to give you this advice, but since you’ve asked for it, my advice is to move on.

It might help you to spend a few bucks on a career/resume coach.  An impartial, objective advisor who can pinpoint what's going on where you're reaching the final interview stage and not getting hired.

I can tell you a huge thing:  Employers, like dates, often know within the first 2 minutes.  The first minute.

The only way to confirm someone's authenticity is to actually meet them.  

If they continue to text and hem and haw about meeting, then move on.  Literally, within one week, if a meet doesn't happen, move on.

No need for all the video chats, etc.

Once you meet, you can get a pretty good feel, but doing a background search is relatively easy.  You can go into county records, property ownership records, criminal records, etc.  You can always pay for a service that provides all of this.

My last relationship was >2 years, and I never did a background search, because I trusted him completely.  Until I didn't.  I did the background search after our breakup, and whooo boy, I did find massive financial criminal activity.  So I'd suggest doing that earlier than later.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to be alone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a partner to share your life with.

So now that you’ve been through this, you can use this opportunity to learn from this so that you don’t waste anymore time with people who aren’t going to be with you for the right reasons.

I hate the saying “kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince“, but it’s true. Get back out there and start dating and don’t let anyone take time from you that will come in between you and your goals of finding someone who is meant for you.

2 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I'm throwing away the keys and keeping the pet stuff. 

To answer the question, he did not introduce me to his friends. 

Throw it ALL away.  Don't keep ANYthing.  I don't care if you have 10 pets.  You don't need any reminders.

If you don't want to mail it back to him, then PLEASE take the pet stuff to a charity.

And the bolded:  You have your answer right there.  

HE NEVER INTRODUCED YOU TO HIS FRIENDS.

That's huge.

The reason I say to send it back with tracking (UPS, FedEx), Signature required is that you'll have proof it was delivered.

This gives him no reason, ever, to contact you again.

Otherwise, you can face the merry-go-round of months from now, him asking where is this, where is that.  

You have a signature.  Proof it was delivered.  Yes, it cost you a bit, but the cost of being on tiptoes wondering if he'll ever "accuse" you of not giving him his stuff back is worth it.

Ship it to him.  Get a signature.  Be done.

Oh my, showing his truest of true colors.

Pack it all up.  Send it with tracking, Signature required.

Then block all access from him and to him.

I'm so so sorry you're going through this.  You will see in time that he did you a favor.

Rejection is G-d's protection.  Remember that, Alex.  

He wanted to FaceTime with you while you sleep?  Oh. My.

Yes, be glad he cancelled.  Very glad.  And.....block.