bunchoflove

I feel your pain as well. My fiancee tried to cheat on me once with one guy and then actually did with another. Later the cheating turned into an affair, where everytime things went wrong in the relationship she ran to him for sex and companionship. Here's what you do: leave. Seriously. Get out of the relationship. Make sure you explain to her/him why you're leaving and why betrayal is something that takes a long time to forgive. Give the relationship at least a break for one year with no contact. After a year if she really loves you she'll change and come back and really show you how much she's willing to do to have you back. If not, she never really loved you then, you'll be over things, and even already dating someone else. In other words, in the end, everybody wins. But like I said, get out of the relationship and give it a year with no contact. It will be very-very hard. Fight it. Stick to your guns and let her really realize what she has lost. She's not going to change in one month or two. Also, make sure you make it very clear why your leaving so that there isn't any misunderstanding, like you're doing it to get back at her. Cheaters are selfish people. They use people and don't really know how to love another person. They try to love people in their own way, but they also have a knack for knowing how to take advantage of inexperienced men. Ever notice this? Cheaters usually get with people who are suckers for their ways because we don't know any better. I was one of them. She was my first love, and I got way too serious way too fast. Unless she really understands what she did that is wrong and really appreciates what she has lost, you're wasting your time being with her. She'll only hurt you more. Get out with your sanity and start looking for people with better traits. They're out there. Also, keep in mind that the psychological problems attached to a cheater are way-way beyond your abilities. These people have serious problems and use sex as way to cope. Until those problems are professionally addressed, they WILL NOT CHANGE.

Ran out of things to talk about? Uncomfortable silences? Personally, if you can't be silent around each other and still feel comfortable with each others company, I'd say that's a warning sign. Re-evaluate.

I can kind of take a different angle on this ... My last girl was supposedly raped not too long before she met me. Whether it's true or not, I don't know. I can tell you that girls act in one of 2 ways when they're raped: 1) they isolate themselves and cut people off because they're frightened, or 2) they screw around a lot, get into drugs, and make their life a lot worse. Mine, I believe, is the latter. As a result, my sexual encounter with her was unsatisfying, confusing, and hardly worth it. Taking time away is what she needs. Just keep in mind that she has an obligation towards your feelings and needs to respect the fact that you're there worrying the entire time. How many women actually consider that fact? If they do, they have a weird way of showing it. Give her time and space? Yes. How much time and space? Depends on the girl. Could be months, dude. Your best bet is to just assume she isn't going to contact you for a very long time, move on, and live your own life free of her. It might even do YOU some good to have that kind of space. Rape is something she will NEVER get over. It's always going to be an issue in your life as long as she is with you. Are you ready for that kind of responsibility? Can you handle that kind of emotional baggage? I don't blame her for the rape, not at all. I just know nobody is forced into penetration and goes through life the same way, like nothing ever happened. It's called PTS (Post-Traumatic Stress). My girl finally went the way of the doe-doe. Will I see her again? Doubt it, seriously. Why? Probably because the sex I had with her was the breaking point, the verification she needed. I was just another face she tried to use to hide the rapist's as that horrible event replayed over and over again in her mind every night. Watch for the warning signs. They're there. I missed them until it was too late. Don't make the same mistake.