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Everything posted by ShatteredMan

  1. Let this one go. It sounds like she needs professional help and that isn't your job.
  2. I completely agree with this. Take your time and heal on your own timetable. This has been a pretty traumatic thing for you obviously and you may want to think about getting some professional therapy if your health coverage will cover it. Even if it doesn't, I would still suggest going to one. The situation is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You need to take time for yourself and the answers will come as you heal and make yourself into someone stronger than you've ever been before.
  3. I hope you're doing well. Despite the fact that I've forgiven you, I won't be reaching out. Maybe one day you'll look back and think about what could have been. Somehow I doubt you will.....
  4. Sounds like a neurotic girl that I dated years ago. Next!
  5. Pretty much sums it all up. Now go get tested and move on with life.
  6. Completely agree. If your healthcare provider has coverage and resources for counseling, please take advantage of it. It will help you take steps through the processes above. Its easy to remain in a state of anger and bitterness toward others because you're already doing it naturally as a defense mechanism. Forgiveness is the hardest thing I've ever had to do toward someone who hurt me. However, it is like an 800lb weight being lifted off of your shoulders once you reach that state. I sincerely hope you take the right steps and get help (if you need it) to get there.
  7. If his conversation has no mention of you and how much he adores you, then this is your sign that he doesn't. You have to ask yourself why you would accept this behavior and if the situation was reversed, why would you be reaching out to an ex?
  8. Completely agree. There's plenty of business consultants out there that he can retain. Wish him the best of luck and never talk to him again. Your fiance deserves to know that his predecessor lives close by, regardless of your feelings.
  9. Agree with reinventmyself. Journaling has helped me immensely during my recovery. For me, when I look back and read what I wrote during my darkest times and moments of pain, I realize how far I've come and that by choosing NC, staying off of social media and not reaching out, I gave myself the space I needed to work through these issues and discovered how much stronger I am than I thought I was. Also, when you think that you've reached a point of emotional stability and growth, go back and read what wrote and then write a letter to that person you were (or are today) as if you were giving advice to someone out here who is going through what you're dealing with. When you've healed, you'll see what we're talking about. Its a little tough right now, but it will definitely help you.
  10. If things ended in a painful, negative way last time, just remember that people don't really change that much and that there's a danger that you would have to go through the whole experience again. On the other hand, if you feel like you've grown and you don't have a current relationship that would be impacted by testing the waters to see if there's still something there....I say go for it. I know that sounds like Captain Obvious giving advice but if you can maintain your ability to stay centered emotionally as you approach this situation, keep your guard up (around your heart)and be clear on what you want/will/won't accept, I think the risk is acceptable.
  11. If you'd pulled that stunt (pretending to be an ex), I'd drop you on the spot too. He's probably still pretty angry with you and is preparing to bring someone else into his life due to the way this relationship has gone and your behavior during it. Sorry, but I'm willing to bet this is what it really going on..... You should go NC, think about what you will do to improve yourself in terms of growth so that your next relationship will be more positive for both you and the next guy. Don't send him any more signals. I suspect you're just doing this to overlap with someone new anyway.
  12. Do this. Also, stop with the judgmental thoughts about what makes someone "clean or innocent" and the thoughts about what you need to do to compete with her exes. If you really loved her, none of that would matter any way.
  13. Same here. Was extensively bullied as a kid especially since I was big for my age and older kids that were my size, had stronger social skills and were more aggressive (more than likely because they'd been bullied as well). I did get "revenge" in a box lacrosse game on an on older kid across the street (who played for another team) that extensively bullied me as a kid and it certainly didn't give me any satisfaction. I realized that I'd harbored so much anger and that I wanted him to feel all the pain that he caused me over years in one single moment. I realized that it didn't make me feel any better and still feel ashamed for laying him out. It also gave me a nasty reputation and made me a target in the game for a long time. After that I never thought about "paying back" those that had bullied me and I actually see that they were products of elements in their own environments. It doesn't give you satisfaction or closure for what they've done to you.
  14. Many of us wish this.....but it doesn't always happen. And as much as it hurts, it's usually for the best.
  15. Same thing here. Every time I was making progress in recovering and moving on, I'd go out on FB and set myself back a month in terms of progress. Social media is a quick and easy way to drive your anxiety through the roof. Block the ex and disable the account so no mutual friends (especially the ones with big mouths - the ones that can't stay out of your business) can't check up on you for that ex you're trying to leave behind/recover from. People who care about you and need to get a hold of you can CALL YOU ON THE PHONE.
  16. I agree with jman and annie. Let this go as soon as possible. Regardless of what sense of emotional attachment and entitlement that you feel toward/from her, through her behavior she is communicating that she's not in a state (that you desire) in which she is ready to start a relationship with you exclusively. She is (more than likely) preparing to "overlap" with you but wants to keep the ex as an option in case she gets involved with you but doesn't fall head over heels. Even if she was completely done with the ex, blocked/deleted him from every form of contact, had a restraining order on him, etc......you're still setting yourself up to be a "rebound". Don't you deserve more than that? It sucks to break it to you this way but I've been in that situation before too - many years ago. The best thing I did was decide that I wasn't going to tolerate a situation like that and walked away immediately. I know that it is "ghosting" and people hate that out here, but in a variation of no contact, I started to focus on other women that were available and I found one that had a lot more potential in life than the one who tried to overlap with me. About a year later, she reached out, apologized and we met up for a drink (we were both unattached at the time). Within ten minutes, I realized that I'd dodged a bullet and that she no longer was an object of desire or a woman that I could have a meaningful relationship with. We are still friends on FB and every now and again, new pics pop up of her with the family she started with some other guy. Glad that's not me in the picture..... Think about what's important to YOU and make the best choice for what you need in your life. There are other women out there that are looking for a guy like you....
  17. Yeah, but it sucks to have the same experience as an addict that's lost it's fix....
  18. +1 on keeping a journal. Even though I've recovered, I've continued to do it. When you go back and read what you were going through in your most painful times, it gives you a sense of accomplishment to see how far you've come and the strength that you've gained from your experience.
  19. I know that a lot of us are in various stages of recovery out here either during or after a breakup. I went through my own personal hell too which included all the physical symptoms that (depending on your level of emotional attachment, state of physical conditioning, diet, etc) made me feel like I had a two week hangover after I learned that my ex had moved on. I've posted this in some threads before in response to others expressing how much psychological and physical pain they are experiencing. I hope from ScienceAlert.com helps others make sense of what is happening behind the scenes of what they're dealing with. If the mods will permit, I invite others to post other articles that help us make sense of what we're dealing with from a psychological and physical perspective. If the mods frown upon this, I understand and defer to their judgement as to whether or not this thread has merit. Keep moving forward....
  20. Then you move on. You need to fill up the space that she took in your life with something else at this point. It will probably be the most painful thing you've ever had to deal with, but you're going to have to do it for yourself. We've all been through this. What's good about experiences like this is that you grow from them. Hopefully, you'll never go through it again was someone else.
  21. 5 weeks? He's done. You should pack up anything that he's got in a box and drop it off at his place. Don't knock on the door or ring the doorbell or let him know that you're coming.
  22. Nothing drives me nuts more than a woman who gets mad when you don't immediately text her back or gets confused when you don't text her every single day. Some of us have jobs and lives.
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