boltnrun

Hypocrites! Don't go around lecturing people about following the teachings of Christ and warning that naturally occurring phenomena are the result of God punishing us when YOU ran around banging your personal trainers and others while married. Just stop it. 

Deep breath...

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough for me to get outside and breathe some nice fresh air. Also got to get training for my upcoming 5k!

Change your number.

Seriously. Why allow him access to your money AND your emotions?

Please don't tell us "but I LOVE him!" 

4 minutes ago, MaryAnne7 said:

It’s his house we live in, but I have a viewing tomorrow and planning to move out 

Excellent. Let him carry on sleeping around at work and with his exes or whoever else. It doesn't have to be your problem anymore.

I do highly recommend you get STI tested. I know women who have contracted STIs from their cheating spouses or partners.

I can't say if she has a personality disorder (impossible to diagnose via this forum plus it would have to be diagnosed by a medical professional). I can say she acts nasty toward you for whatever reason. 

Just realize she acts nasty. Be civil but no more nice gifts or favors. 

He sees no need to change he his behavior. He gets everything he wants while you? Not so much.

Do you two live in his home or in yours? Or is it a shared lease or mortgage?

11 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

I personally admire people who are able to just think to themselves "I suspect this person is a cheater" or even discover cheating but not be emotionally tortured by it. 

I doubt they're just fine with their partners cheating on them. They would probably just rather be with a cheater than be single. Which I think is a sad way to live.

Again, I know this because I tried to convince myself it wasn't all that important that my ex cheated. I told myself "I'm the 'primary', he travels with me, he spends every weekend with me, his parents and siblings know and love me, that's all that matters." But I was lying to myself. I felt humiliated, degraded and low. I felt terrible about myself. I had constant anxiety. It only went away after he dumped me (yes, HE dumped ME for one of the women he was cheating with). 

I hope you don't decide to try to be "fine" with the man you love being intimately involved with other women. If in fact he is. 

If you keep changing what you want to do career-wise, yes, you will likely struggle.

Also, social media or media in general is a really tough industry to get into. You will have to stand out from the tens of thousands of others who are also trying to achieve fame and income from a media presence. It's super competitive. Also, as you know it's not your typical 8-5 job where you can just set it aside until the next morning. You have to HUSTLE, oftentimes all day every day for 10-12 hours a day or more, trying to attract viewers, get sponsors and seek collaborations with more established media personalities. It leaves little time for a social life. 

Sometimes people have to find a job to pay the bills until they can achieve a guaranteed, reliable income from what is truly their passion. Having a steady paycheck could take some of the pressure off. 

10 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

My perspective is is that even if I'm being cheated on, it shouldn't be a huge focus of mine. A lot of people even know they are being cheated on and seem emotionally fine. 

Do you honestly feel you are fine with having a relationship with someone you believe cheats on you? You don't feel cheating is something you should have a "huge focus" on?

If that's true, and you honestly don't care if the person you're in love with cheats on you, then I guess I don't understand why you would even care who he bought tampons for. 

Or are you trying to convince yourself you are fine with sharing your emotions and your body with someone who shares those things with other women? How others choose to deal with knowing the person they love cheats on them is irrelevant. 

I would stop telling your other family members about how you feel she treats you or reporting mean things she says to you to them. It could come across as you trying to recruit people to your "side". 

Instead, consider the source. Again, she may secretly envy you your freedom to come and go as you please.

You have said yourself you have chosen to be in a relationship with a man you don't trust. And you also said you believe if you ask him outright why there was a receipt for tampons in his car he will likely lie or gaslight. 

And THAT is what I'm questioning. Why you would choose to be in a relationship with someone you believe will lie to you or gaslight you. 

I also asked if you truly believe you can successfully not think about this issue (which you said you would try to do).

I also said I have been there and the only resolution came when the relationship ended. Because prior to that I too was doing the Sherlock Holmes routine, which was degrading and exhausting. 

1 minute ago, justme80 said:

I wont be checking in and she is the type of person who will not ask for help, if needed. Her own mother even said to me recently its like she prefers to own the problem than seek a solution. 

Then leave her to it. She will follow her own preferences, not yours. I'm sure if she wants to see you she will let you know. 

In the meantime you have the ability to have your weekends to yourself to do whatever you choose. 

2 minutes ago, justme80 said:

I guess the good person that i am is always making allowances for her.

She doesn't seem to want you to "make allowances" for her. In fact it comes across as condescending to tell her "I know you're struggling". It sounds as though you find her defective.

Now, her lashing out is not the way to resolve conflicts. But she has asked you for space, not an evaluation and commentary on her behavior or her health. 

Please resist the temptation to reach out to "check in" on her. If she needs help she will ask. 

Perhaps she secretly envies you for being free to do whatever you want.

Is he married or in a relationship?

It's extremely common for students to develop crushes on their teachers.

What is your social like like? Do you have a friend group? Have you done any dating?

Is someone watching her and reporting back to you?

How successful are you at "trying" not to think about something that obviously upsets you?

I read this somewhere: "When you look for trouble you usually find it". I have found this to be true. 

If you're reluctant to discuss your concerns with him because you're convinced he'll just lie or gaslight, again...why are you choosing to remain in this relationship?

I can't fathom ever again choosing to remain with someone who causes me to feel anxiety, fear or distrust. 

My husband was a virgin when we got together. He was 20 years old. I did not look down on him. I loved him. 

9 minutes ago, Cian_Symbol said:

Good reason is very subjective, so I don't know. I have a lot of difficulty figuring that out. You're totally right.

It's because cheaters can appear like great partners. I shouldn't have gotten in a relationship with someone until I could give them full trust, and if I'm wrong then I guess I'm being a terrible person. I'm also coming at it as if that's the case simultaneously. but I've quite literally never been wrong when I've suspected someone was a certain way and looked into it.

That sounds like an anxiety producing, stressful way to live.

Yeah, I've lived it. My life became exponentially better when I no longer put myself through that. 

She waited years for you to make changes but you didn't. Now that she's gone you suddenly want to change? She may view it as too little too late.

You didn't appreciate who you had until she was gone. 

Keep up the good work on your health. It's good for you even if she does not choose to reconcile.

If I feel the need to go to the extreme of checking the receipts of his parents for card numbers the relationship is already doomed.

Do you have good reason to distrust him? If so, why bother to stay in the relationship?

I had no boyfriends in high school. I also was a virgin until I was 18 and in college. Nothing was "wrong", that's just how it worked out. 

Just because someone becomes interested in someone else doesn't mean you did anything "wrong". There have been guys interested in me who were perfectly nice, even attractive, but for whatever reason I felt drawn to someone else.

The right young woman will choose you, just as you will choose her. And it won't be someone who exclusively communicates with you online.

7 minutes ago, justme80 said:

I get nothing from the relationship apart from grief. I have outlined that. I wasnt here to ask if i should stay or leave, I was here asking to understand why her behaviour is like what it is. To understand for my own sanity, because she has been manipulating me to think everything is my fault. 

We can't know "why", we can only speculate.

If you never find out "why", can you still move on?

8 minutes ago, justme80 said:

I do not have a habit of staying in toxic relationships. I am a very independent guy who before i met my GF i was single for 12 years, through my choice. She is my third serious relationship in my life. I am a very confident guy whos head is screwed on. 

So what is it you're getting out of this relationship? You say sex is non-existent, she's been horrible to you for months and before that she greatly reduced the amount of time you two spent together due to her horse hobby and other interests. It can't just be because she got a puppy and said you two can "share" it.