boltnrun

I'm doing my first registered 5k!  On Mother's Day weekend.  I'm going to start training this week by increasing the pace of my walking.  My goal is to finish the 5K in under an hour.

Where I live you are required to clock out for lunch no later than 4 hours and 59 minutes after you clock in (obviously this only applies to hourly employees).  I understand the reasoning but I find it super annoying.  However, since I am permitted to eat at my desk I can snack throughout the day.  So it's not that I have to eat at a certain time but that I have to clock out by a certain time.  But this event is going to not only support a good cause but it can't be considered working.  It'll be fun.  So I'll go ahead and do it as long as my manager doesn't object to me being unavailable during that hour.

When you're younger what others think is much more important than when you get older.  

I went to bars by myself all the time and I'm a woman (apparently it's just okie dokie for a man to go to bars by himself...).  A former coworker saw me there and asked his buddy in a LOUD voice "Why is she here by herself?"  I just laughed to myself and kept going to the bar by myself.  What he said was more about him than it was about me.

You'll probably never see that girl again.  Don't let what some stranger you'll never see again said get you down.

1 hour ago, guyguy420 said:

I believe in my state, unsolicited pornographic images would just play into the harassment charge. I’m really afraid that I screwed up by blocking and deleting our previous messages, because now I’m not sure id be able to prove harassment or petition for a restraining order.

Nothing disappears forever.  Those messages can be restored if you really need them to be.

In the meantime, stop responding to her and make sure to block any and all unknown entities from contacting you.  Don't open anything that doesn't come from a known and trusted source.  I'd temporarily disable all social media accounts as well.  Change your number (yes, you can, it's easy).

As for how you feel, I too was in a long-ish relationship with a terrible person.  I have had a hard time forgiving myself for having such low self esteem that I would not only allow myself to be mistreated but I actually thought I loved this person.  But what I did is not unforgivable.  I didn't harm others, only myself.  So I just had to tell myself "yeah, that sucked but I will never allow that to happen ever again".  You can move forward from this.

Is it "normal" for a parent to not be interested in providing for their child?  Well, I wouldn't call it "normal" but it's sadly more common than one might think.  Especially if they're allowed to get away with it.

He needs to abide by the child support agreement at the very least.  And I would hope if he sees his son doing without because you're struggling, he'd willingly step in to help.  But perhaps not.

13 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

No, I don’t think he would provide.

For his own child?  That's mind boggling.

However, my "father" didn't pay child support for me and my brother, so I guess some parents don't feel that sense of responsibility for their own children.  

Getting financial advice is always a good idea.  Perhaps your BIL will have some good ideas.

My son was in college when I chose to move out of state and he still felt abandoned.  Please reconsider.

My son's dad would kick in more $ if I was struggling.  He knew everything was for our child, not for me.  Can your son's dad provide more to help you out?

Why would you "confront" someone you've never met?

She is the one who refuses to meet you in person.  I'm not sure why you think she would be upset if you two stopped communicating.

12 minutes ago, mylolita said:

you decide to criticise women who live a traditional lifestyle and to hint that they are vulnerable because of it? 

Again, never said that.

I won't argue with you. Have a good evening. 

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It's ironic that you state you don't know why girls don't go for you, then immediately follow that with an off-putting statement. 

You also ignored that my husband was 20 years old when he got his first kiss (from me). But that doesn't align with your narrative.

Oh, it's "anecdotal". 

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Is there something specific right in the beginning where it would be noticed if you left earlier?Can you finish eating at your desk?

I always eat at my desk. I take a 30 minute lunch and always bring my lunch. I do have to clock out for lunch which makes it more difficult. 

I can take my lunch earlier than usual but it's not ideal. It's just strange they think everyone works 8-5 when pretty much no one in my department does. We all come in between 6:00 and 7:00 am. But I can adjust my schedule this one time to attend this event. 

It's ironic that you state you don't know why girls don't go for you, then immediately follow that with an off-putting statement. 

You also ignored that my husband was 20 years old when he got his first kiss (from me). But that doesn't align with your narrative.

Oh, it's "anecdotal". 

1 minute ago, Bene20 said:

You're just proving my point. You only noticed your current husband because of his gorgeous blue eyes and good-looking face. You never would've noticed your husband if he was ugly.

But you're not ugly. You said you're a perfect physical specimen.

I met my husband when he was 20. He had never kissed a girl and he was in a rock band.

And I get it. We're supposed to be kind and encouraging and not tell you you're the problem or blame you in any way. So we don't get accused of being insensitive or mean. 

So, you go, Champ! You can do it!

I've found the best way to get what I want is to ask.

I read this somewhere: "A winner is just a loser who tried one more time." Just because one young lady said no doesn't mean ALL of them will say no.

Are there any young ladies you've seen recently that you like? 

My company is hosting an event that's a fundraiser for autism awareness. Which is awesome. But they always schedule things as though everyone works 8-5 and takes lunch from 12-1. I work 6:30-3:00 and I take lunch from 11:15-11:45. I can't go any later because of state laws and if I go too early I risk going over 5 hours in the afternoon. They scheduled the event from 11-12 🙄. So I either have to take lunch super early or show up at the event late which I don't want to do. But I guess I'll just have to clock in after lunch and haul butt downstairs to the event and hope it doesn't start right on time. 

I think you should be upfront with him rather than hope you two will "grow apart".

10 minutes ago, Bene20 said:

I have a lot of attractive personality traits. I'm intelligent, ambitious, humble, confident, and I'm also a very kind, caring and sympathetic person. I'm also very funny and entertaining and I have a great sense of humor. I am, in fact, a complete package and no girl could ever turn me down once she get to know me better.

I'm not seeing "humble" from what you wrote.

What happened the last few times you asked a lady for a date?

Have fun!

BTW, my grandfather was a hottie with curly jet black hair and green eyes. Sadly, while I got the curly black hair I did not get the green eyes. 

Can you describe yourself? I mean more specifics than you're perfect or you're fabulous or you're nice. 

Our parents usually mean well but what worked for them may not work for us.

For example, years ago there were two interns at my job, both college students. The young lady intern was working to put herself through school because her parents refused to help her financially. Her mother said "Why do you need a college degree to get married and have babies?" And the young man intern was also working to put himself through school. His dad told him "Oh, you think you're better than me, don't you? Being a mechanic is fine for me but you think you're too good for that!" The young lady was studying engineering and the young man was double majoring in engineering and pre-law. You would think their parents would be proud but instead they were upset. The parents thought their children were looking down on them because they wanted different things for themselves. 

I never got a college degree, but I'm proud my son has one.

In short, you have every right to choose your own life and your own partner. If you and your current boyfriend don't want the same things it's fine for you to decide you aren't compatible. And there are plenty of good men who will appreciate a woman like you.

14 minutes ago, mylolita said:

If there’s no one size fits all, then why do others and yourself seem to think the only way for a happy relationship is for a woman to be financially independent?

Never said that. 

I said that works for me. For me. In fact, I even applauded you for living your life the way you see fit. 

35 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Um.....Did I mention I have green eyes 😉 

I see what you did there!

I do think things are going well from what you've shared. 

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Oh except I have NO idea how to change a car battery! Lol

If my boyfriend couldn't get around to doing it, I'd be calling AAA!  😀

It's not as easy as it used to be. Years ago it was as simple as disconnecting the battery terminals, removing the dead battery and placing the new one on the tray and reconnecting everything. Nowadays they often have the battery in an inaccessible place or they have it connected with hardware that requires special tools. I also used to change out the air filter myself but they did the same thing with special hardware in many newer cars. It's just to get you to have to pay a mechanic to do these things. 

To me I define "need" as something that's essential for survival. Do I enjoy being in love? Of course! But I didn't die when my exes broke up with me (or I chose to stop seeing them). With one ex in particular I felt like I wanted to die for a few weeks but I didn't literally die. 

I don't "need" anyone with regard to directing me in my life. I do desire and crave to be near the man I'm in love with. I miss him when I don't get to see him. I enjoy spending time with him. I am affectionate and demonstrative with him. I am physically attracted to him. I want him to be happy and to feel good about himself and our relationship. I show him I love him in many ways. I want that connection. When my relationships ended I felt sad. I felt a sense of loss. I missed the emotional connection. I didn't miss his paycheck, it wasn't about that. So yes, I did connect emotionally with the men I fell in love with. 

But for the man I was dating to literally get upset because I changed my car battery myself instead of waiting three days for him to do it? Nah, not cool. And he got upset when I didn't run decisions by him such as going on a job interview or moving apartments. He felt I should have consulted him even though we didn't live together or share finances. It just seemed bizarre to me. Was he concerned out of caring? Perhaps. But he clearly stated I should have consulted with him because women need a man's guidance. Yes, he said that, except he used the word "girls" as in "Girls need men to tell them what to do because they're too emotional and they make bad decisions on their own." Yes, that bothered me. So in summary, we were not a good match. He did end up with a woman who deferred to him in all matters although interestingly he tried to cheat on her with me!

People want different things in their relationships. There's no one size fits all.