Scout

Respectfully disagree with the previous poster's advice. It is justifying his behavior, which from what you've described, is not acceptable or normal. If my partner was to demand sex at the crack of dawn when I'm still half-asleep, and than act the way your's did when I said no, I would be really angry. I certainly wouldn't view it as an "expression of his love." Because it's not - or he wouldn't be so vile after you said no. No one has the right to treat anyone like their personal punching bag, as you described it.

That being said, I'm not sure what you can do. If you have talked to him before about this behavior, and he still won't change, I would suggest you get him to marriage counseling. He needs to learn how to deal with his anger, he is creating a very hostile environment in your home that can't be very healthy for your children or yourself to have to live with.

Re-read Muneca's advice. It's exactly how you should proceed.

YaY!!!

It's too bad, there are some guys (and women) out there who are just plain jerks, period. I once had a guy dump me because he wanted to videotape us having sex and I wouldn't do it. Luckily, the somewhat decent guys far outnumber the selfish creeps that, like a rite of passage or something, all of us at one time have fallen prey to.

Hang in there, your anger is healthy & shows you have a lot of respect for yourself. You'll meet a much better guy down the road. Maybe sooner than you think!

Go ahead and do what you had originally planned on your birthday today, you do want to look somewhat busy and not desperate. This is going extremely well...just stay with it, you two are on the verge of getting back together. We're all rooting for you!

Michael, couldn't have said it any better myself, although I'd add that ideally there would be balances in every aspect of the guy's personality - he can cut up and be the clown, but not all the time, he can be sensitive and romantic but not all the time or it gets smothering...you get the idea. I would think guys would want this same balance in the women they date as well, I don't know why this has to be a gender-specific thing.

Ok, didn't see your second post. I'm not shallow, my last boyfriend looked like Grizzly Adams, practically. And I wouldn't say I'm bragging about this latest guy - just sharing my delight with others! I deserve it, I've had a crappy dating life the last year.

Wow, to be 25 and still think that way.

Amazing.

You can't lump every female, or even most, in generalized assumptions. I honestly believe that kind of rationale really is just a shortcut to actual thinking.

As a bonus yes, he's good looking. But as I mentioned in my post, it's his amazing personality that makes me really sit up and take notice of him.

Well, I can tell you I wouldn't want a guy who had the preconceived notions and narrow views about women expressed in some of these posts. Women are not dumb objects with incoherent minds, which is what one or two of these posts suggested.

I just started seeing a fabulous guy who has a bunch of qualities I find attractive in a man: very quick witted & funny, courteous and mannerly yet frisky and affectionate at the same time, very well-rounded and knowledgeable - knows a lot about different countries, books, music, has traveled extensively but doesn't brag about it - he genuinely just likes to travel to offbeat places as opposed to racking up a bunch of foreigh countries he can say he visited - says just the right mix of compliments and wisecracks - in short, I'm laughing around him more often or not.

Physically, he's very attractive too - but only acts like he's 50% aware he's attractive, if that makes sense. He's tall - 6"1, and lean, and I am not making this up: he looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. I know, here come the jokes...and I don't blame you!....but as luck would have it, he really does resemble him, it's weird.

But it's his killer personality that give me butterflies when I see his number on caller ID!

You don't pick up the phone and dial their number. Period. No matter what. THEY WILL CALL EVENTUALLY. I promise.

This can't be for real...is it?? I felt like I just read the script for a Jerry Springer show. But if it is real, I would say, you have really let this woman down time and time again:

a) wouldn't let her kids move in (it was ok for her to live there and sleep with you, but you drew the line at taking in her own children?? That's one of the worst things I've ever heard of anyone doing to their boyfriend/girlfriend.)

b) hung up on her when someone close to her was killed in an untimely tragedy

3) wasn't there for her when her mother died, either

It's this woman who should be posting on eNotalone! She truly needs some help with her choice in men.

Are you absolutely, positively, 100 percent certain the relationship was always strong and loving and healthy for the entire relationship until right at the very end? That just doesn't add up with his actions.

I would say he may call somewhere down the road, but I wouldn't sit around and wait for it. Life is too beautiful, and you are too young, to pine away in your house waiting for his call.

He really has shown his true character by the callous, and cowardly way he broke up with you. Now, do you really want a boyfriend who is a coward?

You'll get through this - and believe it or not, one day you will look back and be grateful you didn't end up with him.

 

But if i DO take her back, I will have only proven she can break up with me, fool around and then wait a while for the smoke to clear and get back with me.

This is a very good point. However, it would only apply if there is a possibility she would do it again. Does that make sense? What I'm saying to say is, really examine the situation, her, your past relationship, and try to answer for yourself whether or not you think its in her nature to do this again. We usually have the answers to these kinds of things if we think carefully and objectively through them.

Good luck - and I'm sorry you're going through this. If it's any consolation, lots of other people on this board are too, only worse - their ex left them for someone else and aren't coming back! So at least your pride hasn't taken a total hit.

Actually, I think that's a perfectly valid reason to call. You can preface it with a joke of something to the effect like, hey this is the best reason I could come up with for a call...than tell her actually you really do need the information...I'm sure she'd want to help especially if she is aware you had a sleeping problem.

I don't think I could handle LDRs. I had one once - it was about a three hour difference, so not too bad. But I like to see someone more than once every two weeks or so. It doesn't really feel like a relationship if there isn't that physical proximity more often or not, at least to me. So, I relate to your decision on that. But do keep going out and meeting people, if you can. You never know what adventure you could stumble upon as a result.

About the sleep clinic - GREAT idea. People really underestimate the negative effects that we get from inadequate amounts of sleep. I've had insomnia off and on for years, and have considered going to a clinic as well. At the moment, I'm sleeping pretty well, but believe me, I've been there, and I know that groggy, uncomfortable feeling that ensues the next day. And its a proven fact that lack of sleep can cause depression, or at least aggravate it. So I encourage you to definitely check this place out.

Should you call the ex? I don't know...maybe an email would be in better order, a little more impersonal but still polite. It just depends on what you want the communication to accomplish - if its just a heads up that you're coming back into town, an email should suffice.

I understand how you feel about dating...that's how I felt, but really all it takes is a vibrant, special person to come along that will make you quickly revise any "don't want to date anyone but the ex" maxim. Keep going out, it'll happen.

Princesa, so happy for you!! Yes, the ex sounds like a total jerk, acK, we all make mistakes sometimes and pick the wrong ones, just sweep this one back under the rock where he belongs. But the new guy - zowie! Isn't it exciting when romance finds us again?? I know, because I am dating someone new, too, and it's WONDERFUL. I was so worried it would be forever before I would meet someone else again, and it happened relatively quickly. Of course, it's our first week of dating, so don't want to get carried away...but I am getting carried away!

So tell me about your new guy...mine is very smart, very funny (I love guys who can make me laugh!), sexy, tall and handsome. Last night, he brought me over a little present, and I just thought that was so sweet. It's nice to have romance again...

agree 100% with ocean9's post.

You know what? There is nothing wrong with maintaining a friendship with this little girl. Children benefit from positive adult role models in their life. Will help her see that people don't just disappear in life. I think you could send her a little present now and then, birthday and Christmas cards, etc., and visit with her if he is fine with that. Just because its over with him doesn't mean you can't stay in this little girl's life even if to just a small degree. But I would only suggest this if you are not thinking of using this situation to see the ex, get back in good with him, etc.

I have a question. Have you talked to him at all since he did this to you? I think he owes you some serious explanations. You spent four years of your life with this man, and for him to break it off so callously is just plain wrong. Why can't you contact him? And directly tell him how you feel and to give you the truth about why he did what he did? Tell him, a man is not judged by his entrance, but by his exit, and he has some serious explaining to do to justify his actions. You deserve to get this off your chest and hear the truth from him. If he chooses to sideskirt the issue, at least you got to get some stuff of your chest. I think it will help.

Thanks Dikaia. I guess I'll end up doing that, but I do sort of feel guilty since I told him I'd make him dinner. Oh well. I'm probably thinking everyone is as overly sensitive as I am!

So how are things going with you? Need an update on your situation...

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Honestly, I don't have advice to "help" you, but there are several posts on eNotalone that address what you can do to get through times like this. I think the main thing, which you'll be seeing a lot, is "No Contact" for some time...that's right, you don't call him, you don't take his calls. This is for two reasons: to give yourself some emotional room to take all this in, and to heal - believe it or not, the NC actually helps you to heal - and number two, so that your ex can have a chance to miss you. And he will miss you, trust me on this. He'll call - they always do. Just you've got to maintain NC right now, it's absolutely essential. Other posters will explain it, and there is a lot of info about it on eNotalone.

Again, I am sorry you're having to go through this, and I understand you miss the dog, too. Maybe you could volunteer at a shelter for a day or two a week, and spend some time with the animals there. Might help you get your mind off things, and trust me, right now you want to mix up your environment as much as possible.

Good morning all! I'm in a particularly good mood. Had a great time with the new guy last night, he's a lot of fun to be around. It feels so good to be dating again, I thought it would be a while before I'd meet someone I really liked again, and so it was a pleasant surprise to meet this new guy. It's funny, you think your ex is perfect for you in so many ways, than you meet someone new who has qualities that suddenly you notice your ex never had. So, I encourage everyone who is ready to dive back into the dating world again. Yeah, you might meet some duds at first, but you never know - you might meet a really awesome person right away!

As for the other guy, I'm taking Dikaii's advice and just not calling...yet, anyway. I feel bad, but I probably am over-reacting.

This new guy is so interesting...he's traveled all over the world, and he even said last night maybe we would travel somewhere together one day. Yeeps!