I L**e my cousin... Help!

I don't really know how to start this coz I don't really use forums but anyway my problem is that I think I love my cousin... Y u ask? well at first it was just the usual physical attraction I thought it was ok coz I was thinking that I was a guy and she was a girl and a very pretty girl as a matter of fact. She's got all things I ever wanted in a girl, she's smart, talented, sweet, very beautiful, extremely beautiful voice, great personality... I think perfect is the word for her. For years and years I've been stopping myself but now that I'm getting older actually Im 22 and she's older than me I think she's turning 25, Everday I think of taking care of her and protecting her and its driving me nuts! or maybe I am nuts because I like my cousin? Whenever I got the time and chance I ask her out to have coffee with me and obviously I act like everything is so fine and dandy but the thoughts racing in my mind are all about her. The thing is with me and her is that shes a really sweet cousin, we even put our arms around each other one time when we were walking in the mall I dunno what you guys think but that day was just the best day in my whole life! Whenever I see her I just want to make myself a better person and she really brings out the best in me. Guys and girls now is the time I need your help, Should I tell her? when and how should I tell her, maybe i fim in another country already? over the phone? over a movie? in the car after I take her out? AAAAAAAAAH!

I really don't think you should do much of anything except maybe stay away form the girl. My personal beliefs aside, being your cousin I really don't think that she would be too flattered. The only ting I think you would accomplish is make life really hard on yourself.

Keep your thoughts to yourself and find someone else.

Well personally, I think its ok that you admire your cousins attributes, but like Nifty_Swifty1 said, try finding someone else. I dont think being with her would help, try having some away time from her and try finding other women not related to you. Hope this helps.

I don't know how I can stay away actually I don't really see her that often maybe around twice a month and we spend just a few hours and even if I don't see her what I feel stillgrows its kinda weird or maybe I'm weird damn it I wish I never grew close to her...

Its ok, just try to find another woman to fill your life up.

i don't know i mean that would kind of scare me a little, not in a horrible way or anything, but still i wouldn't be to exited about it. maybe you are just going though a faze and it will fade over time. well good luck. if you want to talk then feel free to pm me-k-

Would I be ultimately evil and perverted if I did try? or maybe gave hints? Ithink I'll just fade into nothingness ](*,)

no i guess not i mean you're only human right? well i don't really want to tell you to do one or the other though 'cause i don't want to be yelled @.

oh yeah, how did you get those other smiles.

QTpie, to get more smilies, just click on the "View more Emoticons" link under all of the smilies, and it will pop up a window... it's easy from there!

Anyway... on to Assassin.

First off, don't be ashamed of your feelings. Like you said, she's attractive, so you're attracted. There's not much you can do about that, it's human emotion working it's magic .

I personally think it would be wrong to persue this, though... only because of typical values and morals that I'm sure you're well aware of. I know what you mean though, when I was about 13 years old I had a huge crush on my cousin. It faded with time, and now I see her as just a beautiful relative. (thank god for that one, it makes me less depressed at the holidays when I look at the REST of my horrid family )

ANYWAY, as I said, I don't think it would be a good idea to persue this, and she probably wouldn't be mad... but she would most likely be very uncomfortable if you told her. I think you've got a crush because she's the first girl you've met that (like you said) actually fits into what you're looking for. There are plenty of other girls out there that are just like her, but without the family connection to ya. I say just give it time, and let this one fade. If you get too caught up in your cousin, you might miss out on your future wife when she walks by right in front of you.

S.A.M.

Hmmm...Well if my cousin told me he was in love with me, I'd obviously be disturbed...She's blood-related, doesn't that turn you off at all? I strongly suggest that you keep your mouth shut and don't speak a word of it to her, you're just gonna freak the poor girl out! By the sounds of it you guys have a good friendship, so why would you wanna put that at stake? Are you sure you're really in love with her anyway, perhaps it's just admiration or attraction in a totally non-sexual way? If this isn't the case, maybe you should see professional help...Falling in love with your cousin is abnormal, and in my opinion, downright sick.

Like the others said, you should NOT pursue this.

It will only push her away, and she won't want to be near you anymore. Not even as a friend, because it will make things very complicated and uncomfortable for her.

It's natural that you can be attracted to someone like that, but you should realise that she is related to you, that it is wrong to try and be with her.

Keep away from her for a while, go clubbing, get some new girls in your life until you click with one. You'll be better off for it.

Ever seen that movie "Say It Isn't So" ? It seemed kinda relevant. Except that in your case, it won't work out all happily ever after, as that was just a B grade movie...

All my cousins are attractive and so am I, but I would never persue anthing with them because that is just not right. Your family tree needs branches and you are thinking of making your family tree a circle. Ever see a tree grow into a circle? Just thought I would add my two cents worth.

Well I guess you guys are right, actually make that I'm sure you guys are right I just wish I could forget abt these feelings in one snap of a finger I guess the best explanation was that thing you guys said about her being the perfect girl of my dreams is what is making me feel this, when am I going to meet that someone damn it...

I want to say first off I'm not going to give you any "morality" lectures or anything like that. I think there are three main problems here and they don't have much to do with moral rightness or wrongness.

Number one, do you really actually like her or just the idea of her? It doesn't sound like you get to see her much so I'm not sure how much of a developed non-romantic relationship with her you have, let alone anything vaguely romantic. Maybe if you got to know her better you would fall out of love or find out it was just the idea of her that was getting you aroused. It takes a lot more than sexual attraction to make it work.

Number two, assuming everything goes good, how would your respective families take it? Assuming she returns your feelings and you do decide to pursue something, would that require "divorcing" your family? Are you willing to make that sacrifice?

Number three, just in terms of genetics you could have some problems if you later on decided to have children. Now I know that genetically first cousins are far enough away so that the likelihood of defects and the like are minimal, but direct cousins like this I'm not sure. You are from a shared genepool so the likelihood of recessive genetic diseases being expressed in your children is something to think about. Are you willing to never have children or raise one with serious genetic defects?

So my final advice is to get this whole cousin thing out of your head and see if you actually sincerely do love the girl for who she is not what she is in relation to you. I think a part of it may be that you're attracted to the whole taboo-ness of it. See if that's the case.

If the two of you actually do fall for each other, then you need to address the second and third points and damn I would not envy you in that situation. What I DON'T suggest is trying to forget her or move on to another woman because you're always going to be thinking about the might-have-beens and that's not fair to you OR the woman you'd have the subsequent relationship with.

Hey there DDH thanks for the information and outlook on things, I'm pretty sure though that I'm not in love with her bcoz of her relationship to me but rather for who she is, I know we don't see each other that much but we do send sms messages and talk on the phone quite often I guess thats how I got to kow her much better So is your suggestion that I do talk to her abt it and nt let it linger at the back of my mind for the rest of my life?

I just don't think you should rush into another relationship to try and make yourself forget her. That's just not fair to the woman who you would be using as a surrogate for your cousin.

See what happens. It's a delicate situation, so you can't pursue her the way you would a normal woman. If I were in your shoes, I would ask her to do more things together with you. If it seems like she enjoys spending time with you you should be able to tell. If romantic forces collude then they collude and you have to figure it out from there. But like I said I don't envy you in that situation.

Whatever you do don't come on strong, especially if the both of you have been raised Christian or something like that. I personally don't have any moral qualms about the whole thing (the only thing that would worry me is, again, genetic defects in your children) but I know the vast majority do.

For the both of your sakes I hope you find out your feelings aren't based on anything long term and you can move on without having lingering doubts about what may have been.

Hey DDH again I thank you for your time I and thanks to everyone who took the time to help me on my problem I think I should set my mind straight and do this the right wa thanks for your advice guys and girls!

oh well my advice like the others said that u should stay away from your cousin and forget about her that`s all i can say

My boyfriend (who is also my first cousin) lives abroad. i never saw him. one holiday while on a family trip we got to spend loads of time together and i fell for him. i didnt say anything then as i was convinced that he didnt feel the same way. but 18months after that trip he confesses that he loves me and how do i feel about it. now, 18months is a hellava long time to convince yourself that being in love with your cousin is gross, and morally wrong, and it wouldnt work out blah blah. but i never managed to find a guy that could ever replace him. we finally got it together last year when i went to visit him again and we havent looked back since. its not easy, but it can be done. my/his parents dont know and we dont ever want them to know. but if you really love the other person, regardless of who they are, then go for it. it would be worth it for sure. but i dont advise going for it if you just wanna fool around, then thats just a waste of your time and hers.

my boyfriend and i discuss this alot. i jsut find it appalling that there are rules made up by society that its taboo for cousins to get together. why? scientific reasons? but isnt that our decision? i just dont understand in a world where divorce is the norm, people can have more than one wife, people are unfaithful, people treat their spouses with disrepect people can comment on the sanctity of marriage. when all i want to do is marry the man i love and have him take care of me and me of him. instead i am meant to be ashamed of wat i am doing. well, im not. other like me and you shouldnt either. we have a right to be happy just like everyone else. why does it matter where this happiness lies?

i get hot headed about this! long reply..sorry

It makes me very angry, that there is people on this earth that are soo not freaking educated on somethings, and speak out the "TRUTH" about things, that they really dont know, they just heard others. Thats how love between cousins, became prohibit. Am in love with my cousin and shes in love with me too. We are made for each other, BIG problem is the FAMILY, it gets to the point where it just messes with my head alittle too much. This is the story, she lives here in VA and on the next floor of my building where i live, sometimes i could even hear her walk upstairs. This relationship with her and i, has been going on for about 3 years now. I never knew her, at all, after 11 years that i went back to my country for a visit, during that break i took in my country, thats where all the love was born. Now that she lives here, with my aunt, cause her parents still live over there.The crap is that not long ago, my parents and my aunt found out of whats goin on, and it spreaded all over the family, and now we are the black sheeps in the family. YET..... we are the youngest and the most successful ones, they dont realize that we are not just living life and loving each other and messin around. I read in a website called link removed that NON-RELATED couples, if they take the time to educate themselves they would actually be jealous of first cousin couples. It got to the point, where i cant really see my cousin no more, we talked to the wholllee family and told them its allll over and we have nothing going on no more. That was our only way to see each other again, and act like "COUSINS", but still , the thought of us being a couple still remains in their heads. So now if we even talk, someone has to be there with us. Its like being in jail, where we cannot express our feelings or NOTHING, we cant even talk on the phone, and if we do its at 3 am when she's asleep, she calls and says hi. we have to whisper and talk quietly. Sometimes we talk in person but once again the F***ing family is present, and we even have our own languague with hand signals kinda like sign language but we invented it. It got to that point. OUR BIGGEST WEAPON right now is GOD, link removed has made me realize that in reality we are not doing nothing bad. Its actually bad on their side, that they are preventing us from what god once commanded Jacobb and Isaac to marry their cousins. And many others, in the bilble you could see that god says, all of the forbidden relationships, it talks about brother to sister love, dad to daughters love, and mannnnnnyyy others, and if u read it, u will see that cousin love is NEVER mentioned. You could find that in (LEVITICUS 18 ) IN the BIBLE. WE HAVE ALL THE STREGHT ON THE WORLD TO CONTINUE OUR RELATIONSHIP AND NO ONE WILL STOP US. LET ME KNOW WHAT U GUYS THINK. AND FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME OR IM ME ON MY MESSENGERS. thanks a lot.

BunnyMan?

My relationship is kinda like you.

I live in Europe and my cousin live in Australia.

I'm 22 years old and in my entire life I never had a bf, because I had no feelings for them, but when I went to Australia, I felt in love with my cousin. First we were just like "cousin", but he couldnt hold his feeling, so he told me that he love me. He was scared that I would reject him, but instead I gave him an answer (i gave him a kiss on his cheek)...hehe...

Now we're been couple since february 2005. and we're still contacting each other through phones, emails and messengers. he's younger than me (18), but he didnt mind that I was older than him.

When i was in Australia, my mother noticed that I always went with him. we went shopping together and did mostly everything together. But then my mother's boyfriend told her, that my cousin and I look like couples, and we should stop going together. It ofcourse made me sad, but I was against it. I told that as long as families know that we're cousins, then it doesnt matter what other people think!.... truly I didnt want to hide our relationship, but we had to.

He's my second cousin, and we're vietnamese. so I'm not sure if thats legal in australia or vietnam or in the country i live. we planned our future together, that both of us will get a very good education and then live in vietnam together. we have to keep silence until we reach our goal.

BUT STILL.... no privacy. I still live with my parent, and i have an older sister which like my cousin too (as a cousin). when he went online and wrote to me first, then she gets mad. she is older than me, so I guess i have to be very careful. just one little mistake, my family will hate me forever. to be honest, my parent arent that important to me, but my cousins family are important. I dont want his parent hate him, because he love his family alot.

Now i'm in a middle of an education, so we contact once a month through mails. we want to chat through messengers, but he dont want to chat with my sister (she's ALWAYS online). If he made a new username, and I chat with him, then my sister will ask me about the person who i chat with. she know that i dont have much friends through online, and i dont chat much.

Contacting each other makes me very happy... but as you can see, mine is a long distance relationship AND cousin relationship. I'm not good at school, and everytime I try to read a book, it makes me tired. I'm not good with presentations and my gramma arent good. as I can see my future, I cant reach my goal. I cant finish my education. I cant find a job in vietnam and I cant touch my cousin.

I tried to tell one of my best friend (girl) about my relationship. She told me that I was nuts.....

She told me that relationship with my cousin are not worthy...

Then later I told her that all those was a lie and I dont have a relationship with my cousin. She said "ok".... and then I havent contacted her since that day.

I have no one to talk to about my feeling... I'm so sad and confused... I dont have confidence.... I miss him...

Ok wow.. this is just wrong in so many levels.

Once again, I'd like to point out the initial posting of this thread was:

01-22-2004,

And it is unlikely that the OP will see the new replies.

This topic has also been covered in numerous threads.

I am sorry but that is a blood relative, its nasty! But good luck!

Ewww ewww ewww ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ewwwwwwww and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew stay away from your cousin dude!!!!!!