bullimia

Hi, i'm 14 and in November this year i will have been bullimic for a year. I am in the heavy side of the 'ok' range, and it angers me that i have done this for so long yet got nowhere. I want to go on a proper diet but i know i can't. I have no willpower, i can't control myself, its a case of i eat nothing or absolutly everything. The amounts i eat are discusting. any ideas how i can be strict with myself? how can i increase my willpower? and i'm also asking that someone contacts me so i have someone to talk to. thanks xxx

Obviously you know the numerous dangers of bulimia. The stomach acids tearing up your throat and corroding your teeth, the strain on your body, the mental effects of doing something you know is harming you. Generally, bulimia stems from something else, not just weight, i.e. low self-esteem, insecurity, etc. Being that you're 14 and still growing, your body is going to go through more changes before it's done.

As far as the proper diet goes, you're making excuses. Saying you have no willpower is kind of a sham, since that's why it's called WILLPOWER. The will to power your way past the things you don't necessarily think you can do. Not to say it's that easy, since I have a hard time with dieting too, and have slipped back into my old eating habits many times. But you're NOT going to see instant results from a diet, the changes take time. It's first getting into the habit of changing your eating routine that's the hardest. Portion control for me was a huge issue,and one I still battle. But once I was sick of pinching all the fat, if I was eating dinner, I'd think about all that fat sticking to my butt or my stomach and cut down on my portions. I also made a list of the healthy stuff that I like, i.e. raw carrots, corn, chicken, various fruits and low-fat snacks that don't taste like cardboard, and bought more of them. If I was bored and was going to snack, I'd chew a piece of gum first, and go out for a walk just around the yard or something to distract myself. Exercise is obviously another large part of it.....walking, riding a bike, swimming, some sport you enjoy......anything that gets you moving and makes your heart work in a healthy way.

The human stomach only needs about a cup/cup and a half of food before it's full. Anything above that and you're just eating for the sake of eating. (And don't quote my figures, I'm not 100% sure that's the right amount.) But have you spoken to your mom about this? Does she have a clue what you're thinking and the trouble you have with eating? She would definitely be the first person I'd go to with this problem, since she can get you to a doctor/dietician that can offer you diet alternatives, or possibly a psychiatrist to help with those feelings you're having that are causing the bulimia. But you really need to talk to your family, or even a school nurse or counselor, to get the help you need. All you're doing now is harming your body in ways you might not see or feel at the moment, but which have a bad effect overall, and WILL catch up with you if you continue. Good luck, and keep positive....this is definitely something you can get help with!

Well, you know you want to stop, that's a good thing, (as a cliched psychiatrist would say, "You've taken the first step") But other than that a couple things about your post disturbed me.

I am in the heavy side of the 'ok' range

First of all, If you are in the ok range, then you aren't heavy. There isn't any dispute about this, you are just trying to rationalize your disease. Don't. It isn't about how much you weigh, even though you tell yourself that, it's about an obsession, something that you fell in control of. Well, once you're in the hospital, you won't be in control anymore, the doctors will, so just

I have no willpower

Well SAYING that isn't going to help you any! You just have to alter your thought process. Willpower is all in your head. Instead of looking in the mirror and saying "I am fat. I am fat" say "Instead of barfing today, I will eat a normal amount. I am normal. I am perfect. Instead of barfing today, I will eat a normal amount. I am normal. I am perfect. Instead..." and so on. Soon, just like you started the believe the "I am fat" crap, you'll believe whatever you tell yourself.

Now, the last part of what I have to say. Bulimia is an obsessive-compulsive behavior (from what i know about it). You just don't feel right until you've binged and purged. But it started because you were trying to make yourself perfect, and that's how it'll end. Think to yourself, I will be thin if I eat these two cups of yogurt and do not barf. When you feel yourself trying to barf, or you still feel hungry, think about something else. Lie down in a quiet place and read until your stomach settles.

Also, I could be totally wrong about all this advice, but I do know some things about obsessive-compulsive behavior from very personal experience, and also I've read the book "Wasted" which is a first person memoir of a bulimic/anorexic and it is really insightful. So that's where my advice comes from.

Oh, and the person who posted before me was right, you only need a cup and a half to be full, but that's on a NORMAL stomach, which is what you are aiming for. By eating so much, you literally stretched out your stomach and made it harder for you to get full. And a cup and a half isn't that measurable, because while a person can eat an entire steak, you can't fit a steak into a cup and a half, can you? Imagine the steak ground up all the way and stuffed into the cup and a half. That's what you need to eat.

I used to be bullemic a couple of years ago.. it was so horrible, the way it felt, feeling like I was hiding from everyone and I couldn't really enjoy food because I felt guilty..

I was having dangerous reactions.. I couldn't focus, my eyes were getting dark circles underneath them, and my teeth were unhealthy.. I also was feeling really weak all the time and dizzy..

To this day I still have urges to do it, but I remember how sickening it feels and how bad it is for me.. just remember that you can get past this..

I am still fighting with binge eating.. but I don't throw up anymore..