Cannot start a relationship

I was reading about narcicissm on here and a lot of it, at least what I understood, really hit home. I have been alone for several years now and I now don't have any friends. I have never been married and I don't have any children and time has pulled the rug out from under me. I have been going to therapy for a few years now but nothing is working. My therapist has got me to return to school. I guess that is a positive step. I desperately want friends and I desperately want a relationship, but avoid everything that I need to do to find these things. I have to go to an oreintation next week for the pragram that I will enter next fall for school and I am terrified. I got a letter from them yesterday informing me that later there will also be a cook out for all the students in this program to get to know one another . I am so afraid of it that I thought to myself that I hope I have to work, then I thought I'll just say I have to work even if I don't. This is my dilema, I so want and need friends and a companion, but can't do what is necessary to get them. I think that I am aging prematurely because of my lack of human contact. This post is going to be way too long, sorry about that. Back to the subject of nrcicissm, I've known for a long time that I have low self-esteem, but only recently learned that low self-esteem and arrogance are not mutually exclusive. I never imagined that I could be arrogant since I was so shy and thought so little of myself, but it would seem that I am. I don't know what I'm asking for, I just needed to talk to someone besides my therapist.

Hey listen, u gotta go to that cook out. At things like that where people dont kno eachother, someone is bound to approach u. If not at first, then go up to a woman and just start a convo on how nice of a day it is outside, or how good the food is. Just something that cna turn into more of a convo. people there are gunna be just as nervous as u are, so dont wory about it. But i seriously i think that u need to go to this cook out, because it will help u GREATLY. It will make the first day of work so much easier also. Just relax and kno that someone there will start talkin to you. I have been to many cook outs and ppl i have never met turned out to become great friends, and i am very shy just like u. I keep my mouth shut, and ppl seem to come to me. Just goive a little smile, and they will start talkin to you. Good luck with everything. - Colleen

You definitely need to go to the cook out. THe only way to meet people is too take risks, its sooo hard but in the end it will be worth it. May I say that before you are in any sort of romantic serious relationship you need to be happy with all other areas in your life. You cant use a relationship to solve the problems in your life. Take a chance and enjoy the cook out you might surprise your self. Youll feel better about making an effort to change your life if you go to the cook out and will proably regret it if you dont go. Best of luck.

Hey,

Well I think that its awesome that your going back to school. Postive step like you said. I agree with the previous posts about going to the cookout. Its food, everyone loves food, and thats excellent conversation starter. Just sit down wherever, next to someone you think might be interesting and just spark up something like "hey these hotdogs are great, have you tried the ones at _________" Then person will go on to say something you know. It will be alot easier once school starts and you will be in class. Because you will for sure take classes that will be in your major or line of interest, that means that the people in the class have something in common with you. Just don't be afraid of them, they have no control over your life, and so what if someone gives you a stiff lip, laugh it off. Say to yourself, wow, that guy was funny. I was in the same shoes sort of, I am not really open around new people, but around people I know, I go all out crazy Remember making people laugh with something funny always makes good impression. Well at least I think so. Thats my 2 cents. Good Luck, youll do fine.