He's Addicted to Dope

Hello to you all.

I am having some trouble with my boyfriend. He is addicted to dope. This man is my soul mate but since I have expressed my concern for his consumption of the drug as well as how much it is effecting myself, our children, and our relationship, he has taken to lying to me about it. I am afraid that the trust is broken and will never be repaired as I can not seem to forgive him. Every minute that he is not with me I am suspecting that he is using and deceiving. I can not find it in myself to either believe in him again, or walk away.

Please help me before I loose all faith in the man that I cherish

Chey

well. I cant really offer much.. But I cant really stand people who do drugs... If my girl was doing drugs and she wouldnt stop for nothing... I would leave her and move on.. I wouldnt want my kids to grow up near any kind of drugs......

Is this a new thing, or have you known this and been fine with it until now?

If you always knew than it is a tad unfair to change your opinion now. You can meet him halfway on this. Middle ground being not in the house, not around the kids and not when with the kids. I would rather have someone be honest with me, and meet a middle ground then set someone up with expectations they will not meet.

If you do not want to live with someone who uses, then yes you have to make the choice if with him is where you want to be.

In response to you both,

I did know that he was using when we met (however, how much he was using was also a lie) I overlooked this one because he lied to me the first time that we talked (I met him online) I layed down the rules that it was not to be around my child and that he was not to drive with us for at least 5 hours afterwards. But slowly his usage started to effect me. He would go to his friends house instead of spending time with me when we had plans, he left me while we were camping to go and do it.

I have several concerns, first he says AGAIN that he has stopped because he wants to keep the relationship. However I am afraid everytime that he goes to his friends, or when he isn't home from work right away, everytime that he is silly, tired, happy, grumpy, sad, angry, bored, ect. that he is high. And when I ask him about it he gets upset with the question. I am afraid everytime that I look into his eyes that he is lying to me about it. I in some way feel cheated on. I don't want to loose him. But I don't think that I have the strength to fight his addiction, and I know that I can not accept it.

Please help

Chey

Hi There !

This is close to my heart. I was a regular "user" for many years and now occasionally "use". I would like to say now, that I will not get into a right or wrong conversation about this. This is 2003 and we are old enough.

Pot has effects that you seem not to understand. I would say that if he is not using infront of the kids, then there is no bad example being set to them - in front of them is a problem though. Would you prefer he got pissed on beer? Is alchol a better drug for the kids to see used and to see the effects of? I think not. Think hard about why you are so opposed to this. Is it because it is illegal (and the illegality is not to do with it's effects, but who makes money off of it), or is it because you think the effects are something that should be avoided. As Bill Hicks once said, how can you make nature illegal??!!!

I do agree that he should not be smoking all the time, but as you said small use in this day and age can be acceptable - but thats inevatibly up to you.

If he is going to continue to do it, he is going to continue, and if you want to exclude youself from that, then you will drive his use out of your control and life. THen the situation will get out of hand.

If you can accept some use, let him know that and find some common ground - if not, then you need to get rid of him now, as it will drive you even further and further appart. You have crimalised him, and anytime you bring the topic up with him, he will act like you are the police. You can only expect as much.

Out of interest, have you ever smoked yourself at all? I may be wrong, but I suspect you haven't !!!!

Hope my devils advocate hasn't offended you. Remember this one thing. Pot is a de-motivator. It is something that makes you put off doing things. Like giving it up, or cutting it down. If he had an alchol or other substance abuse problem, how much time would you put into helping him get off that? The same should apply here !!

Good luck,

If you've any questions - ask away !!!

Charmed.

boys will be boys!!! hes definitely doin it all time with his mates!! i know this, its such a common problem where im from where there is sooo much weed , i mean who wants to be round a nagging biarch when your stoned?? the whole point is to relax, its much easier to make up some bullshit for the missus!!! i know i do!