boyfriend going to college,will relationship make it?

I've fallen head over heels for a completely sweet, loving, caring, hot stud. the problem is, I'm a freshman and he's a senior.....that is a senior who is going to college in August. The college he choose is 13 hours away from here. Last night he asked me how serious I was willing to get, and if I would go out with him while he went to college. I knew I would have to decide this, but I honestly didn't think that he would be interested in dating me while he was in college. He said that he needed to be sure that I was ok with it, and I told him that I thought I was but I would have to think about it a little longer. The way I saw it, you never know if things can work out unless you try it. But I've considered it further, and I'm beginning to wonder exactly how this is going to work. I don't want to lose him, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I also don't want it to be one of those pointless long distance relationships that is virtually non-existant. Your input would be ever so helpful! Thanks

Hi there,

Don't get your hopes up. College changes people, be it for the better or worse. New social groups are formed and people lose contact with one another. 13 hours is a pretty far distance, and the probability of such a relationship continuing is pretty bleak.

If I were you, I would enjoy the time you have with this person. Enjoy every moment, every day, and keep the memmories. Then, when he leaves, move on. Sounds harsh, I know, but it'll spare alot of heartbreak.

Hi cait,

Thank you for coming to eNotalone.com with your question and confusion. I think I understand how you feel and I see your doubts. I live in a very small country where distance is not a problem at all. You can cross my country from North to South in three hours and from West to East even in two.

I am someone that does believe in long-distance relationships, but then again, I am 30 and I can overcome the distance financially, by buying airplane tickets and taking time off from work. I believe in your situation things are more complicated.

My suggestion is to stay close friends with him for now and to ask him to stay in close contact with you while he is in college. If he does and if he can, you might want to give it a shot and try anyways. I would put aside your fears of getting hurt then. I want you to know that NO relationship is 100% secure. There's marriages out there that lasts for a decade or more and then the couple decide to break up anyways. You'll never know for sure... even not after all these years. Love is about taking risks... it is a wonderful thing, but can be very painful at the same time. Just don't let this stop you from your goals eventually.

Good luck!

~ SwingFox ~

i am in the same situation as you. i've been going out with a great guy for 10 and 1/2 monthes who was my best friend for a year before. he's going to college 7 hours away and leaving on our year anniversey. from the beginning we decided we would break up when he left. it just wouldn't work if he was so far away. he told me he wants me to pursue other guys if i choose to. it's going to the the hardest expiernce of my life so far.... first loves are hard.

I completely understand how you feel. I've been dating my boyfriend for three months now. He just left last week to go to a college five hours away. Being the very social person that he is, he's fitting right in and not especially anxious to come home any time soon. I probably won't see him before Thanksgiving. We've had quite a history. We met over a year ago. Both of us were very intrigued by the other at first sight. Neither of us spoke of our feelings until months later. We began dating, but it was my first relationship and I was scared... So, I broke up with him. For months we didn't speak at all. He tried so hard to be my friend and be there for me, but I still liked him and felt stupid for ever having broken up with him, so I avoided him. Months went by and we began talking again. Our friendship quickly grew. We became awesome friends, and a couple months ago, we revealed our feelings to each other once again. Of course there was the question of whether or not to date again. Given the awesome bond that we had develloped, was it worth the risk of losing it. Also, given the history of us, were we willing to go through that again. The fact that he was leaving at the end of the summer to go to college and I still had another year left was another big question. We are in love. I really don't want to lose him. We're trying to keep communication open and everything. It's hard, but we're managing. Any advice as to what else might help this work would be much appreciated. I love him more than I ever have loved anyone else and I'll do anything to keep him (well... within reason)

Bee

Angel..i can really relate to the situation you are in..I've fallen head over heels for a guy a lil over 3 months ago. Recently he moved 4 1/2 hours to college for a year. He's in the army and has to come up here to the armory a weekend a month so when he does that, he can come see me as well. We are so in love and we have promised that we will never leave eachother. True love is so hard to find so once you find it, i feel that you should never let it go...nomatter what. I've never felt this way about any other guy. he means so much to me, so i will never let him go. i couldn't. Long distance relationships are hard, BUT if you are commited and love eachother, stay in the relationship, don't break up just because of a lil distance. in the long run, once you are back with eachother for good or for a while, it will be well worth it. i feel as though everyone should be in a long distance relationship at one point in time with their loved one because that will truley test your relationship and show just how strong the relationship really is. This is kind of a test for me and a stepping stone for me and my guy, since he is in the army and their will be a time where he may be deployed and i wont hear from him for months or see him for a year!!! but nomatter what i will stand by him, because what we have is true love!!! He has been hurt in the past and cheated on and so have i, but both of us are really faithful..so i thank god i found him! & he has told me the same. i don't know what i would do without him. I know that he is being faithful to me at college and that things will be okay and he will be back in my arms for good in a year. well unless he gets deployed right after. I always try to remain positve and know that in the end things will be okay. True love never dies!!!!! i hope things work out with the both of you. If you truly love someone, take a chance. and whatever you do DON'T GIVE UP!!

You'll do fine if you really love eachother.

Don't take neagative advice. Dont listen to people that tell you its not going to work out because they really dont know. Their own expirence might not of, or they might not of even tried it. Dont give up, you're your own person.

ALL of my friends are doing long distance relationships pract. And are they working? Yup, they love eachother.

Distance IS hard. Its not walk in the park. Expec since I'm very needy and dependent and I like having someone there. But this is the love of my life, the one that I'm going to get married to after college and I know I could never find another guy like him.

My friend and her boyfriend have been together for 3 yrs and are in different states. Sometimes dont see eachother for 4 months. And they are SO strong. I have 2 friends that will see their bfs every other month and they will stick by them. My friends bf went into the army and she wont see him for 15 months! My friend just got married to her boyfriend of 5 years who is in the army, and she sees him even less then she did before! Try going 52 weeks and only seeing him twice.

It's hard, but it takes 2 people who want it to work badly. You have to have your own life too. Be with friends etc.

And whoever tells you college changes people is full of crap.

College can change people into wild party animals, but its the people who already were that way or who have no self control. If the person is truly trust worthy and loves you you have NOTHING to worry about.

My boyfriend is 5 hrs away for college. We will see eachother once a month and on long holidays. Its not that hard, and he's having a better time managing then me because he's very positive. But I also have extra hormones in me so i get paranoid at times.

College has changed us for the BETTER. I've made ALOT of new friends and really enjoy my classes (cept for math) and being social.

My boyfriend wasnt very social but he met some new people and joined a frat so he could have guys to hang out with, since he doesnt want to befriend girls.

Neither of us are into drinking, going to wild parties, or hanging out with the opposite sex. Thats something that will never change and a boundry we set for ourselves.

If you truly love eachother it will work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Your not them.

Good luck=)

i suggest that you tell him that you still want to keep in touch but without the relationship status. if in the future you two still want to be together and can make it work, then great. if not then its okay and you can be happy for each other for finding new people to be with.

that will be the easiest way for both of you to continue living your own lives without any restrictions. he is gonna experience a lot of things coming up in college but you are gonna experience a lot of things coming up the rest of high school too. i know you two can say whatever you want now, but in 4 years, things are gonna be different , youre going to be in different places. you'll be a senior in high school, hell be graduating with a degree and trying to get into grad school or starting his career. at that point - will he want to take you to your high school prom or will he think its childish by then? or maybe at that time hell be out partying and celebrating graduating college and not wanna go home to spend an evening with underage teens? when you guys talk all the time, wont he be sick of hearing about high school ? think about if you had people keep talking to you about jr high for the next 4 years. it gets boring cause you already went through it - you already know how it is and youre in a better place now so it feels boring to talk about jr high.

anyways, i think college really does change people and high school really does change people too! so i think its best if you two 'just be friends' until you graduate high school - at that point you two can see if youre still wanting to make it work as two adults and neither of you wouldve missed out on anything that you mightve wanted during high school or college.

So why are you telling her that when my boyfriend and I are going through the same thing?

Except both of us are 19 and in college, and only 5 hrs driving distance...

So why are you telling her that when my boyfriend and I are going through the same thing?

 

Except both of us are 19 and in college, and only 5 hrs driving distance...

exactly...youre BOTH 19 and in college. thats a completely different situation as someone who is 3-4 years apart and will have very limited access to traveling or money to travel. they will not be going through the same things for the next four years at all. its the point that they are in totally different places in life - college vs high school is very different. i didnt say its impossible either, i just said that i think its better to call it off 'for now'.

True...

I mean, the whole age thing does cause alot of conflicts, it doesnt mean its IMPOSSIBLE though...

My loser ex, he was 4 yrs older then me. He was 22 at the time and I was 18. I was one of the oldest in my grade, and was a senior in high school at the time. While he had graduated awhile ago. Although he didnt have a job or a car and made less money then I did and was a major drug addict and had nothing going for him. But I would talk alot about my day though and it really bothered him at times that I would talk about high school and he kept thinking how it felt like I was jail bair even though I was 18. Point be, he was a crappy guy and I'm glad Im not with him, and I had more going for me then he ever did, but the age does pose a problem.

Not in the long run, but at this stage of life. When a couple is married and their like 20 and 24 or 30 and 34 thats not a big deal. But when its like 15 and 19, and high school freshman and college freshman, not only is that illegal but your on a completely different wave length.

Age does make it harder, but it doesnt make it impossible. You both just have to be mature and realistic about things.

I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 16 (now everyones creeped out! lol)

I'm a freshman in college and hes a junior in high school. Granted, I am communting at the moment (going away next year) but we only get to see each other once a week if that, and it is HARD. however, don't let anyone tell you its impossible. Basically, you just have to hang on for dear life and refuse to let anyone (friends, family, other boys) rip that relationship away from you. Because everyone is going to. But if your both strong, it will work =)

Best wishes to you!

Don't do it - I've been there for 3 years, pretty much all of college, and now I can't believe how foolish I was for even considering it. It's not because it was "impossible" to do (obviously not - I did it for years), and it didn't even matter who the girls was - the CONCEPT in general is just a bad one, even if you do pull it off technically.

Consider:

1) College changes people. A lot. A LOT.

2) Your age difference is already problematic as it is in terms of being in different places. Add this to #1 and you will be wildly different very soon.

3) Long distance relationships do not grow well!! They tend to be okay when it comes to maintaining a relationship as is, but they are very poor at adapting. Looking at #1 and #2, you can see why this is kind of a bad limitation...

4) College is a very important time for learning about real, close relationships, and being tied down during it is just a poor idea. For you, this means he's going to be very frustrated, and rightly so.

It's extremely unlikely to last (in which case it's just a waste of time, mostly), and even if it does, you'll be left with a patched together relationship tied up with shoestrings and sustained mostly out of habit, not because it's what's best for either of you.

Go ahead and have fun until the time comes if you want (though you may want to consider seeking new people in your school instead), but break it off before the move, absolutely.

I think I have it bad. I'm a sophomore in high school and my boyfriend is a senior. For any one that knows of this college, my boyfriend is going to The Young Americans School of Performing Arts which is in California. We are in a little town of Indiana. We have already talked about this. He said that if we make it until August (we have been dating for two months), then we would be able to go for a year. I think we can do it and so does he, but the distance is going to kill me. He only gets one night off a week, and its classes every day. I want him to go. I'm not going to make him wait like his friends. I don't know how things are going to change. He promises he won't forget about me, and he's taking so much stuff with him, and I believe him. My sister teases me about how I think he's 'the one'. But how can I not when with him I'm the happiest I've ever been?