very hurt

Well here goes I'm not one for writing messages but I feel the need to. I feel very down at the moment. I had been with my girlfriend for 4 years up until few weeks ago, we both seemed to be in love for the first few years and then we broke up for 4 weeks a few years back but we got back together. We both felt that we were meant for each other, so much so that we got engaged last August and everything seemed fine, then a few weeks ago she dropped a bombshell that she wasn't sure anymore. She had been out on her own a few times and she got alot of attention (she also lost some weight)and she had the urge to be with these fellows. She wanted the buzz and excitement. Then when she was down home with me everyone was asking about when we were getting married and about houses and she just felt pressure. So we broke up. I feel that I have giving alot to this relationship (she was in her early twenties when we started going out)over the years helping her through the bad times making her the person she is today. Always being there for her. I feel cheated that I gave so much and now its over. I know you look back at things and just a few short months ago she was saying how much she loved me and talking about the kind of house she wanted. It doesn't make sense to me. I feel she let go to soon and we could have tried to work it out. I suppose if she loved me she would have. Anyway last week I decided to get the ring back we sat and talked I was calm. She wanted to keep the ring cos she just time to herself to work things out and that it was staring her in the face and she couldn't see it and that in time maybe she would want to come back to me also that she feels numb, and hasn't really thought about it cos she has been to busy????.I dont think it has sunk in with her yet. She also wanted to keep in contact is always wondering how I'm getting on and it was nice to see you kind of thing. But I feel I deserve more than this after giving so much maybe she needs a few men to treat her badly for her to appreciate me as she said herself. Anyway I took the ring back and told that it was for the best and that I wasnn't going to wait around. I left her crying the car. I dont think she knows what she wants and that is no good for me even though my heart was breaking. I'd told her that if she ever felt the need to come back and then ring me or whatever but that I couldn't promise her anything after the way I have been hurt. Life goes on but its tough. I hope it starts to get easier sooner rather than later but I still think about her every minute and about taking her back. I know I have to let her go and not get in contact with her again which I will do. Maybe some day she will realise that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and hopefully we will try again but I'm not holding out much hope. Funny thing is she said she was happy but that she needed to get this out of her system, to see what it was like to be single. She said she still likes to think of me as the "one" but that she was doing this for us. As regard problems we didnt have any I treated her very well, always there for her, looked after in everyway of course we had or up and downs like any couple but nothing thats worth mentioning.

Hey,

I just have one thing to say: You are GOOOOOD. Keep that up. I think your decision is very wise and I can tell you have thought it over very well. As you said: May be you get back together, but I wouldn't wait for it or hold your breathe.

Two thumbs up!! Good luck with the healing process!!

~ SwingFox ~

I also think you did the right thing. It hurts I know, but if she wants her space it must be given. Age seems to always play a big factor in relationships as the younger we are the less likely they are to work. That is just a general statement as there are always exceptions to the rule. It seems like she just wants to see what it's like to experience the freedoms of being young and single. Not that she doesn't love you, it certainly seems to be hard for her. I could be wrong of course, it's just my thought on the situation. I had the same thing happen to me. My ex was asking me if she was the type of girl I could marry and continually declared her love for me. Then about 2 weeks later she broke up with me after about a year together. I'm not saying that two people in their young 20's can't be together forever, but it really depends where the two people are in their lives. To me it sounds like you are ready for a life time commitment when she is not. There is nothing wrong with your or her, you two are just in different points in your life. Maybe one day you guys will be together again when she is ready, maybe not. There are so many what ifs, throw those out the window because they do us no good. Move on like you planned, things do get better, however it usually takes time.

Thanks for replying to me its helpful and I appreciate it

Well there is only one way to look at this and that is she's not the one for me matter how hard it is or how much I want her I know (hope)these feelings will go away some day and I'll find someone else someday. Funny thing relationships she could'nt find a fault with me and I see couples who 2 time each other, treat each other like sh.. have big fights, mood swings, jealously, possessive and there is me who did none of the above and I'm left holding the can. Life sucks when you know you dont deserve it. I have gone out on dates with a few women since and it helps that they see things that my ex cant see which is strange but nice. I think to myself why couldn't she see these things. She is right to consider her options but she should of thought of that before we got engaged and it would have made things a bit easier. I am supicous about how she will feel in the future, I got closure but I'm not so sure she did she just kept saying I dunno how I will feel in 2,6,8 months. I hope that I'm strong enough to say no if she ever does come back but I'll be trying to move on in the mean time and hopefully we wont bump into each other for a while. I suppose the one thing I am dreading is seeing or hearing she is with someone else that would be hard and I think about that alot. Its like I brought her to where she is today and now somebody else is going to get intimate with her that I so crave from her but I suppose that's life I'll get used to it and hopefully one day I wont care.

I agree with the previous posts... I think you're doing great considering the situation.

A lot of people can learn from your maturity and strength.

You sound like a great person, and I'm sure you will find happiness.

And when you do, you will appreciate it all the more because of this tough time you went through.

Good luck