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Thread: dismissed

  1. #1
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    dismissed

    Although I knew for a fact it was coming, it hit me like a freight train. today after I got out of school, I was standing next to my car, talking to my friend, when my boyfriend came over and asked if he could talk to me. Since I had been warned that it was the end, I didn't wanna go over there, but I had to. I looked at him and asked if things were at an end..and sadly he said yes. We talked for a second and then simply said bye. It was so hard not to cry, but I held out until I got back over by my friend.
    We had been going out for about 2 1/2 months, and I thought things were going well despite the small fight we had the day after New Years. After we got that sorted out, we got in another fight about me "flipping out" on me. The last couple days have been hell and he couldn't even admit that he was mad at me and lied saying that we were fine. Is there something else I did wrong besides allegedly flipping out on him, which I thought was simply being honest and talking to him about what was up.
    I know this sounds like an extremely juvinile realtionship and its just a big drama, but I have been home an hour and still haven't stopped crying.
    Please tell me how to deal with this break up while I'm around him at school (we share mostly all the same friends). And how to make the pain go away.

  2. #2
    Member eterna2's Avatar
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    Oh Time!
    the beautifier of the dead,
    adorer of the ruin,
    comforter and only healer
    when the heart hath bled...
    Time, the avenger!

    ~ George Gordon Lord Byron (1788-1824)
    No medicine, no one else, only time and urself can make the pain dull and eventually fades away, leaving behind a little scar in ur heart.

    There is actually nothing wrong in what you did, nor him. No one is at the wrong. It is just that, you are being true to urself and he too. He found that he can't imagine accepting u as u are, and so, a break up may be a better thing.

    Forcing yourself to change or act in a way that is not natural to urself, or wanting him to accept when he couldn't, brings nothing but sorrows. He had made his choice, you have not.

    Let it go. You are still young, its a wide world out there. Smile, and just treat it as a bittersweet memory. Do not let the pain make the scar a ugly one. Smile and let the hurt fades and dull into a beautiful little scar.

    Cry it out. Cry it out. But once you have done crying. Smile and move on. Try not to think about it anymore. The more ur think will only make u feel worse. Its a vicious cycle. And meanwhile, give urself some space. It would be good if u try not to see him, or remind urself of him for the next few weeks, until u feel better.

    Can't really help much. Just try not to dwell in it. Go out with friends, do things u really like. Just keep him out of ur tots. A few weeks, the hurt would dull, just dun dwell in it. If u keep thinking and dwelling, u will only sink deeper.

    Smile and laugh at, with this crazy world. If u dun feel, then what's the meaning of living? If u dun feel sad, what do u noe of happiness?

    Just cheer up. Dun cry too much. Calm urself when u feel u have cried enuff. And let it go. For different pple, they have different ways of letting go. Try smiling, time will hugz and make u well again.

    HUGZ!

  3. #3
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    Hey, You are in High School. I am 33. I had 2 boyfriends in High School and I thought I'd die without them!! Since then, and many boyfriends later, the guys from High School don't even enter my mind. You are going to grow up and have lots of other relationships. High School relationships are "practice" realtionships. It was a 2 1/2 month practice in dating. Also, boys his age are completely incapable of dealing with the emotions of girls. All he cares about is what his friends think and if he might get lucky. Forget about him!

    At 33, I have alot more life experience. I have flipped out on lots of guys, but guys are really simple and do really dumb, hurtful things. We women are much more complex. We have a great many more emotions that scare the little babies.

    Move on. As you grow older and meet more mature men, who have begun to learn from their other practice relationships, you'll finally find one that's a keeper. Don't beat yourself up for being yourself and standing up for what you wanted. That's what strong, independent women do.....and if he can't handle it, he's a little baby and you are better off.

    I remember my 2 high school relationships and I thought I loved both of them and wanted to get married and live happily ever after, but you know what? One's a fat construction worker who makes little money and the other one ended up marring another girl from my High School and he ended up being very jealous and controlling and she got a divorce from him.

    You did nothing wrong. Guys are just stupid, even at my age and I still have to get a little bit on my current boyfriends case from time to time. No big, drama, crazy fighting, but I am assertive and stand up for what I believe in. Be true to yourself and learn to ask for what you want, calmly.

    Forget this little H.S. boy. Go to college, meet a new one or two or twenty. Have fun and don't get so serious so young. After your out of college, then that's the time to get serious....the ones before are just practice.

  4. #4
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    P.S. The way to deal with him.....Be charming, nice, say hello and be polite when nessecary. Don't go out of your way to be around him or not to be around him. Act as if he is any other boy. Don't speak badly about him. DO NOT call him and try to work it out.....that just makes them run further. Spend lots of time with your girlfriends, smiling and being nice and happy, even if you might feel like you want to throw up....This is all advice for school and in public. Act like he is no big deal.....becasue he really isn't. He will be shocked at how well adjusted you are and he'll start wondering why you are over him so fast.

    Now to get over him in private. Cry. Talk to your mom, dad, sisters, brothers, friends, etc. Everyday will be less and less painful. Today is the worst, it will get better tomorrow, and the next day and the next day.

    And, one little trick I always used to get over someone was: I would think of one or two things I really disliked about them and thought about it over and over until I would think to myself, "what was I thinking? He is so lame". "Yuck, I can't believe I actually liked him".

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    My two cents

    I have a HUGE BIG PROBLEM with the posting from upndowngirl. My advice is to ignore what she says. I believe that this upndowngirl-woman is being seriously hurt by some guys and taking that very personal.

    What do you mean with "Guys are just stupid"? Why stereotyping? Being independend is very important, yes, but what you suggest in your posting is being egocentric, upndowngirl. Does this sound familiar: "It's all about me! If you don't like it, beat it!"?

    Relations is hard work and it's about forming a team. Upndowngirl talks about "practising". Wow, I am not very impressed over how you treat human beings. There are boys "his" age that ARE sensitive and do care.

    I find the suggestions that upndowngirl gave for getting over him acceptable. Most important thing is that you DO feel the pain and acknowledge it. Denying your feelings will make you feel in pain longer.

    I hope my posting was a bit of help and also gave upndowngirl a different point of view ... *shivers*.

    Good luck!
    ~ SwingFox ~

  7. #6
    Member eterna2's Avatar
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    Moderation is the key.

    well, upndowngirl maybe a trifle extreme i would say. But dun think she really totally meant what she said (just some exggerations to get her point accross), thou she may need to consider a few points.

    One way to get over it, is to stomp on the guy who cuz the hurt, to make urself hate that person. Its a natural reaction. And as with everything, there is good and bad. Consequences.

    In a way, it helps if u keep telling urself tat he is a lousy guy, and u re not in the wrong. But if used excessively, it will have a negative impact on urself. Human minds are a very strange thing, if u tell urself a certain thing long enuff and hard enuff, u will believe it. And that is a form of self delusion/brainwashing; very bad, cuz u might not realised it, it twists ur mind.

    u must realise that self-delusion doesn't helps in the long term. U must learn to recognise and accept an event that had occurred. Try not to lie to urself, feel but dun not be controlled by ur feelings.

    If u feel like do anything (except self-injuries, etc, u noe wat), just do it. It may be pointless, but if u feel like it, just do it. But meanwhile, u must slowly try to accept by trying asking, why are u doing it, why are u feeling this. Do not be blinded or controlled by emotions. To cry blindly serve no purpose. If u wanna cry, cry for the loss of an opporunity, cry for the hurt in ur heart, dun cry for the sake of crying.

    After u have done crying, imagine urself a lake high up in the mountains. U are water. Everything is calm. A storm may create waves upon ur surface, but seek the depth within urself. So deep, that the storm cannot penetrate, the depth of the lake is peaceful, while the surface may rage. Feel the energy that rage upon ur surface, cry if u wish, but dun not lose urself in the storm. Remember the peace within the depth. The storm will soon pass. And u re the lake, all will be peaceful again.

    Dwell not on unhappy memories. Curse not the one who cuz u hurt. All these u must come to realise, solve nothing, do nothing. Be peaceful and smile. This is life. Rage and wept, but once the storm has passed, move on and smile. Do not dwell in negative thoughts, do not HATE.

    HATE is a poison. No goods come from it, only makes u a bitter soul. Forgive if u can, if not just smile but dun not hate.

    Try not to get back at him or anything. Try not to pretend what u do not feel. If u are sad, be sad, and not afraid to show him. In fact, what he thinks, doesn't matter at all.

    Doesn't really matter that who is the one who lost out? Who is the one that is in the wrong? Doesn't really meant so much to u tat u wanna show that u can do without him? What is the use? These prove nothing at all if u dun really feel this way.

    Have the courage to be wat u feel. Help urself, stand up, not because u wanna prove to anyone. Stand up, becuz u love urself! U do not have to proof anything at all!!

    The heaven knows, the earth knows. And you know.



    as for upndowngirl

    well, u may not mean it. But ur statement is disturbing to read, especially for guys. U had practically stomp on every decent guy's toes. feel that u shld be more senstive, this is not a woman's forum where u can rave all u wanna, there are guys around u noe. And most of them, sad and unhappy ones.

    Guys in general, particularly at a younger age tend to be less mature. This is due to our genetic makeup. But to say that we are dumb and insensitve, tat is a very hurtful thing.

    Guys and Gals are different. One isn't better than another. They are just different. Nor can one do without another.

    I just wanna remind u, guys have feelings just like girls. We may not show it as much, or as senstive, but we can feel hurt too!

    Just hope tat u think about the consequences before u write or speak. Everyone has feelings u noe. when we mean senstive, it doesn't just mean sensitive to ur feelings. It is sensitive to everyone's feeling.

    cheers.

  8. #7
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    Thank you everyone who took the time to reply to my post. I guess i can fill ya'll in on what happened. Today was the first full day I've gone so far without talking to him once. It was pretty tough, beings we share lots of friends and it was awkward. I'm not looking forward to this weekend, beings I'll probably be home, since I spent most my time with him, and our friends. I think I must be in the denial stage right now, because its logical to me that while he is with his friend and his girlfriend, he'll feel a little...I don't know, incomplete or something? I hope this isn't me being conceited thinking that I'm the only one he can have. It still makes me sad, and I guess it goes to show that you shouldn't date your friends. Upndowngirl, although your post seemed to cause some controversy, I believe that yours has reached me the best. It is so true that there are plenty of guys around, and beings this is my first year of high school, it techincally is a practice, unless I plan on getting married by the time I'm a Sophmore! Thanks to everyone....and as you all said, the pain is slowly- but surely going away, it'll just take time.


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