My First Love is Gone...

The first time I saw him, I knew he was something special - I couldn't stop thinking about him. After a year of flirting or so, he finally got up the nerve to ask me out. I was on cloud 9 for a year and a half after that; it's impossible to express how incredibly happy I was except that I was head over heels in love.

The last two months have been rough. Though we dated for 1 1/2 years, we never discussed "love" or anything remotely emotional - I was his first real relationship and I don't think he knew how to handle it. We finally spoke about it a month ago, and I learned that when he says "I love you" to someone, it will be for the rest of his life. He is holding out for that One person. I, on the other hand, think it is possible to love multiple people throughout your life in different ways.

Other challenges include the fact that he is not happy with his professional life - he's in a dead end job and doesn't like it, but is not confident about his abilities and scared to quit and find another one. I told him that I would ultimately need someone who is not only confident, but happy with himself as well. I've also been working at my first real job the last 2 months, and have been spending more time @ work than with him. (FYI - I'm 22 and he's 25).

So, we broke up 3 nights ago, on Thanksgiving Eve. Not planned, it just happened. He said things have been "off" for the last two months, and he needed "time" to figure things out. I told him that I loved him and don't expect it in return, he says he wishes he could return that to me...but he can't. I guess he still has some of his own issues to deal with, as well as figuring out his feelings for me.

So now I am beyond upset. This man is not only my best lover, but my best friend too. We have so many things in common, and I honestly don't think I'll be able to find someone that fits as many of my needs and desires as he does. I don't want to find someone else; I want to be with him. He is my first love.

Do I let him go and have "time"? Do I try to get him back? Do I talk to him or shut him completely out of my life now? I never thought I could feel this much pain and hurt, and I can't concentrate on anything else right now. Any comments, similar stories/outcomes or advice would be gratefully accepted.

Do I let him go and have "time"? Do I try to get him back? Do I talk to him or shut him completely out of my life now? I never thought I could feel this much pain and hurt, and I can't concentrate on anything else right now. Any comments, similar stories/outcomes or advice would be gratefully accepted.

Hi FuzzyPeah,

I'm a little older than you are but went through a similar experience not too long ago. Needless to say that it did not work out in the end. I was in love with a woman, and i was told the same thing you were "things were off, need time". I felt like there was nothing that could make me feel better and it took several months to get over it. At times it's hard not to get bothered by it. Some people seem able to love and move on, while others like myself love and only seem to lose.

I tried to express how much this person meant to me, and in the end it was not worth the time or effort. A broken heart takes as long as it needs to mend. I hope whatever happens in your case that you don't let it bother you too much. The next few months will most likely be the hardest you've faced in a long time. I hope things work out one way or another for you.

I've never been to this site before and signed up today. I couldn't help but reply to your post. Take care girl.

me.

Hi one_h_r,

Thanks so much for your reply. It's comforting to know that other people have been through it and that they're just fine now.

But you know something - anybody that's in a relationship like we were deserves someone who can give them their whole heart. I'm finding the best way to go through it is to realize that there is a grieving period, but ultimately there is obviously a different path your life was meant to take. I'm not terribly religious but I do think that God has bigger and better things planned out for you if He allows something like this to happen.

And plus - at least we got to experience what Love is like. Some people have never felt that wonderful feeling! I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing...but in the long run you're better off because you need someone who will love you as much as you love them. I hope you find your person and that I find mine soon or later!

Thanks again for the reply...

me