Boyfriend is depressed and I think that’s why he broke up with me

My boyfriend of 3 years has always been damaged from the things he’s been through with family and parents while growing up. He has told me some of his deepest problems and I have always been there for him. I would give him the world if I could.

He has been prescribed adderall for his ADD since he was in 5th grade, he is now 25 years old.

He stopped taking adderall for about 3 weeks now because he felt it was time and a good idea. His whole demeanor has changed since and he broke up with me, randomly.

He says that he wants to be alone and is not in the right mind set. He even admitted that he sometimes wishes he could sleep and not wake up.

But He keeps giving mixed signals. He still texts me and wants to hangout once or twice a week but does not want to be in a relationship cause “it’s too much for him” It’s messing with my head cause we hangout but there’s zero affection. He even says he’s trying not to say I love you and fight the urge to kiss me.

Our relationship was very happy and healthy, there was no indication that we would be breaking up.

I do not feel strong enough to just let him go. He says he wants space and does not know how long he needs. He also says he does not know if after the space, we will be together. so want to wait around but it’s unfair for me. I can’t read him.

I believe his depression is clouding his mental state towards him and me. I want to not talk to him in hopes he will realize he needs me to help and be there for him but I am terrified that he won’t come back. Help!

Have you thought through the scenario that he is telling the complete truth?

Maybe he is currently not ready. Maybe he is is not in the right mind set. Maybe he doesn't know what the future will bring.

And maybe you're not accepting that. It's hard but if you give him space you'll both be happier in the long run.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like you were mothering and smothering him too much. He's a grown man and needs breathing room to live for himself and do what is right for him. It's never a good idea to play therapist or be a doormat. A relationship based on infantilizing is never healthy.

People break up all the time with or without any mental health issues, medication issues, etc. You'll have to accept that. Stop communicating. If he wants to be alone, then let him be alone. Do not hang out. Stop "being there for him".

He has told me some of his deepest problems and I have always been there for him. I would give him the world if I could.

 

His whole demeanor has changed since and he broke up with me, randomly.

 

He says that he wants to be alone and is not in the right mind set.

 

He says he wants space and does not know how long he needs.