21 Questions

Hi all,

I am trying to learn to flirt and be more sociable. What questions are good to ask when you first meet someone and want to gauge their availability, their interest and their suitability?

If you're female, the best thing you could do is put yourself in situations where you can get hit on as often as possible and let things take their course. Dress nicely and get in the best shape you can. Don't spend time alone at home. Go out to happy hours, bars, nightclubs, any kind of social get togethers. Set up dating profiles on many websites. Get some nice pictures taken.

Since it's the guy's job to lead the interaction, I don't think there's anything else you can do other than try to be nice and react to what the guy is giving you.

If you're female, the best thing you could do is put yourself in situations where you can get hit on as often as possible and let things take their course. Dress nicely and get in the best shape you can. Don't spend time alone at home. Go out to happy hours, bars, nightclubs, any kind of social get togethers. Set up dating profiles on many websites. Get some nice pictures taken.

 

Since it's the guy's job to lead the interaction, I don't think there's anything else you can do other than try to be nice and react to what the guy is giving you.

I don't get hit on, like ever (unless I'm being oblivious). The last time a guy asked for my number was about 5/6 years ago. I also rarely drink so hanging around in bars etc is not something I'd do, especially not since I'm on my own in a new place with no friends.

I do dress well, don't wear make up often but I don't need it really. Joined lots of social groups online and am putting myself out there. Trying to meet as many new people as possible and get an active social life. So far I'm busy every day this week. Got plans for everyday next week too!

I banned myself from dating sites after meeting too many crazies on there!

Whilst I am traditional in the sense I like a man to lead the relationship I don't think it's his responsibility to lead the conversation whilst I sit there, smile and look pretty. I am there to get to know him so I need to have good questions that help me get a better sense of who he is.

I'm actuallly bi, so it wouldn't be out of the question (though not likely) for me to approach a female, in which case I would need to be more proactive and lead the conversation.

I really like OLD. I'm nothing special to look at so I've found it best to get to know people based on common interest. Gives you something to talk about and then you can take it from there.

Oh, well in that case I rescind all of my advice lol jks jks.

I don't get hit on, like ever (unless I'm being oblivious).

Most of us are very subtle. We don't have a lot of guts.

I also rarely drink so hanging around in bars etc is not something I'd do, especially not since I'm on my own in a new place with no friends.

I don't drink either and I go to bars/clubs every weekend. If you don't have a lot friends, go with people from work or these social clubs. It's pretty common for people to get together for happy hour after work, especially on Friday. Or for some sporting even on TV that night.

I banned myself from dating sites after meeting too many crazies on there!

Sorry to say, but there's no difference in real life. The same guys you'll meet online are the same guys you'll meet in the real world. I'm online and I go out. I'm very normal. If we were to meet, what difference does it make what the mechanism was?

Whilst I am traditional in the sense I like a man to lead the relationship I don't think it's his responsibility to lead the conversation whilst I sit there, smile and look pretty. I am there to get to know him so I need to have good questions that help me get a better sense of who he is.

Never said that. I said react to what the guy is giving you. The conversation should flow naturally. If you go in with pre-planned questions, the conversation will be all messed up.

I'm actuallly bi, so it wouldn't be out of the question (though not likely) for me to approach a female, in which case I would need to be more proactive and lead the conversation.

If you're interested in getting a girl, that's a whole different, and very in-depth, topic.

I really like OLD. I'm nothing special to look at so I've found it best to get to know people based on common interest. Gives you something to talk about and then you can take it from there.

I can't say I've had any good experience from OLD in the 6/7 years I've used it. At this point I want to get out and socialise and meet new people. Maybe when I've established a social circle I will have better success on there. Until then I'm staying away from it lol

Oh, well in that case I rescind all of my advice lol jks jks.

 

 

 

Most of us are very subtle. We don't have a lot of guts.

 

 

 

I don't drink either and I go to bars/clubs every weekend. If you don't have a lot friends, go with people from work or these social clubs. It's pretty common for people to get together for happy hour after work, especially on Friday. Or for some sporting even on TV that night.

 

 

 

Sorry to say, but there's no difference in real life. The same guys you'll meet online are the same guys you'll meet in the real world. I'm online and I go out. I'm very normal. If we were to meet, what difference does it make what the mechanism was?

 

 

 

Never said that. I said react to what the guy is giving you. The conversation should flow naturally. If you go in with pre-planned questions, the conversation will be all messed up.

 

 

 

If you're interested in getting a girl, that's a whole different, and very in-depth, topic.

Well I could be getting hit on all the time then. I don't do subtle. What kind of things should I be looking for if somebody is subtly trying to state their interest in me?

I have been to a food fair with guys from work (there's my other problem, I'm always with men so I think that's why I rarely get approached) and I love MMA and boxing so might be able to find some guys from work to go to watch that with?

I don't really get any attention in real life tbh so I haven't been able to make a realistic comparison.

Need to be given something to go with that idea. Even when I'm making an effort with men to make conversation I'm finding I draw a blank. The only ones who have much to say are married etc (which is fine I'm not only making conversation to date). I try talking to some guys at work and it's like getting blood out of an effing stone! One in particular even comes across as very rude.

Well I could be getting hit on all the time then. I don't do subtle. What kind of things should I be looking for if somebody is subtly trying to state their interest in me?

It can happen in so many different ways and it's too hard to pick up on to make it worth your while to notice these things. A better strategy is to put yourself out there in front of more guys so that you come across the ones who aren't subtle.

I have been to a food fair with guys from work (there's my other problem, I'm always with men so I think that's why I rarely get approached) and I love MMA and boxing so might be able to find some guys from work to go to watch that with?

That's definitely an issue. Lots of guys are going to assume you're with one of the guys you're hanging out with and won't come approach you as a result. I'd make a conscious effort to make more female friends.

It can happen in so many different ways and it's too hard to pick up on to make it worth your while to notice these things. A better strategy is to put yourself out there in front of more guys so that you come across the ones who aren't subtle.

 

 

 

That's definitely an issue. Lots of guys are going to assume you're with one of the guys you're hanging out with and won't come approach you as a result. I'd make a conscious effort to make more female friends.

That seems like a better idea. Takes the detective work out of it for me and I only need to indicate that I am available and be smiley and approachable. Or better yet just get chatting to people and approach men too. I'm definitely improving in that area. I got chatting to a couple today which opened up an avenue for social and career networking. I met a new friend of my foster mums and opened up to her (we actually both cried). I saw a hot girl in Lush and actually felt confident in approaching her but had no idea how to open a conversation with her so didn't bother.

Sounds harsh but I just find a lot of women dull plus they can be a lot more cliquey than men. I have been making effort to spend time with my female bestie and for us to reconnect with old school friends (went to all girl school). There is a girl at work who mentioned she wanted female friends so she might be a good place to start. She is quite chatty. Hmmm. How else and where else to get talking to women? I'm one of 2 females on my floor at work lol.

My ex is bi and we would look for girls in bars and clubs, specifically gay bars/clubs. But anywhere would work. You'd be amazed at how many girls are really bi, but they haven't come to terms with it yet.

My ex is bi and we would look for girls in bars and clubs, specifically gay bars/clubs. But anywhere would work. You'd be amazed at how many girls are really bi, but they haven't come to terms with it yet.

I wouldn't. I'm of the opinion that all women are attracted to other women just some choose to only date men, some choose to only date women and some have a dabble (or are serious) with both sexes. Even my lesbian friends have admitted they find men attractive, just women more so.

Anyway, I digress, met 30/40 people today and got chatting with a stunning girl and bought her coffee. I think she's straight but seems lovely, interesting and looking to expand her social circle. I didn't have time to ask for her number (or the others I met this morning) but I feel confident I could trace her online and message her that way. I expect to see her again next weekend at another event we are both attending.

Getting out and about is working, saw an attractive guy at another event I attended tonight, asked him if he wanted to go get food together so I could practice my flirting. He asked me for a date and went in for a kiss but he's passed the age of having kids already so I can rule him out lol.

Will be meeting up with the same group again tomorrow so who knows what that will bring?