We were never really together but it still hurts so bad

I've been dating this guy on and off since October. He's been previously married and had expressed to Me many times that he wasn't ready for a relationship at that very moment because he was still healing from everything that happened in his previous marriage and I was cool With that. I nevert wanted him to feel pressured or forced to commit even though he wasn't ready. I guess that's the first red flag I ignored huh ? Because I was so wrapped up in him, I continued to get to know him further. We talked all the time. Spent lots and lots of time together. We spent the night with each other at least 4 out of 7 days in a week. He's told me several times that I Am amazing and that he values me; that I'm a man's dream. Fast forward to June, one day he literally just starts acting different. Ignoring me. Not responding to my text. Being very short and brief when we did talk. I asked him if I had done anything wrong and he told me no but then went right back to not really talking to me.

This past Monday, 4 days ago, he finally tells me that he has a lot of love for me but that he doesn't believe I'm his soulmate. That I'm perfect; beautiful, smart, a hard worker, loyal, great mom, and sex that is out of this world but I'm not perfect for him. So then I ask if there's someone else, he says yes. He said he's not in a relationship with her but he does feel like he could eventually be with her. I asked if he loved. He said not yet but it could def get to that; that she possesses everything he wants in a woman and that I don't. Apparently he just very recently met this girl not even two weeks ago. Mind you he and I were just on great terms two weeks ago. Staying the night with each other etc

He also said that this is my fault, that he never begged me to stick around. That I should've walked away and that I can't really be upset because we were never in a relationship. And he's right, we weren't but for him to downplay everything as if it wasn't real makes me feel so low.

I am absolutely devastated. Crushed. I love him so much and idk how I'm ever going to get over this. How could he meet someone so quickly and just drop me ? I've been an excellent friend to him and he's admitted that several times!!!!

This is starting to take a huge toll on my self esteem. My ex, my daughters dad pretty much did the same exact thing to me and he and I were in a relationship for 6 years.

Clearly I'm ugly, not smart enough, outgoing enough, I'm just not enough ...

Can someone please talk to me ?

Please

Oh honey. You're not worthless, you're not dumb, your not ugly.

This is going to hurt a little bit to hear, but it will be better in the long run: your "ex" did the best thing he could have possibly done. Think of how horrible it would have been if he hadn't broken things off with you now and had continued deepening the relationship for another six months, or a year, or two years, or if you had ended up married and then he dropped this bombshell like your ex-husband did.

Just because you aren't what he wants doesn't mean that you aren't enough. It just means that he isn't who you should be looking for. Someone out there is going to see everything (or at least mostly everything) that he wants in a woman in you. It just takes some time.

He's been previously married and had expressed to Me many times that he wasn't ready for a relationship at that very moment because he was still healing from everything that happened in his previous marriage and I was cool With that. I nevert wanted him to feel pressured or forced to commit even though he wasn't ready. I guess that's the first red flag I ignored huh ?

Sorry you are hurting, and I don't mean this to sound harsh; but read what you wrote in your original post that I quoted above and you will find the crux of the dynamic that existed in the relationship.

He wasn't ready for anything serious and not ready for a commitment, despite the abundance of positives that existed between you and he. You chose to get deeper and deeper into him when you already knew where he was most likely at emotionally. How did you know that? Because he told you! When people tell you things like that, and when they try and tell you "how they are"...BELIEVE THEM! He was warning you that you and he were going to be a "casual" thing from the beginning. You said he had "previously been married". How long had he been single and divorced when you became involved with him?

You'll heal. Just give him his space and keep your distance. He might be back when he realizes how great you and he were together, or he might not. Only time will tell. Meanwhile, focus on yourself, heal, and move forward with your life. Learn from this experience and take the lessons learned forward with you!