How to get over insecurities of dating a busy guy?

So about 1.5months ago I met this guy on Tinder and we hit it off instantly. He's 27 and I'm 24.

We have similar interests and we both are active dancers, so he persuaded me to go for the same class as him. The first time I appeared at the dance class his friends kept nudging him and looking at me, but we didn't say hi as I was with my friends while he was always with his and we're both.. kinda shy.

We Whatsapp each other everyday and things were going really good, but our schedules keep clashing due to our commitments in both work and dance (he has some days where he works till 11pm or so, especially on festive periods) so we've only been able to meet up once, plus I was overseas for 3 weeks after. I guess our first meetup went well as he suggested we go for ice-cream after. He then walked me to the subway station before going back for dance training (he has a dance production coming up in about a month).

Though here's the thing, I've been get insecure of late as he takes a couple of hours to reply my messages.

I'm trying to play it cool but I can't help but feel that he seems to be drifting/pulling away. Not sure if this is a huge factor, but every alternate day or so while texting he would say things like "Please come and save me from workkkk ugh I can't feel my brain anymore T_T" or "I'm dying at work!!!!!!"

In the past he'd explain before disappearing for hours, like telling me "Ah the paperwork has come in, I'll talk to you later okay?" and usually apologizing when he returns. Nowadays he doesn't do that, but he does say things like "PHEW FINALLY FREE FROM WORK. I DIED OUT THERE. Are you still at work too?"

Making plans for our second meetup has been difficult too, as I've learnt that with him, I can't ask too many questions at one go – he seems to be blur and all and will only answer the last question or so hahaha. Plus I've mentioned earlier, we both have conflicting schedules. I'm usually free on the evenings he has trainings after work, and he's usually free on the evenings I'm working. for a while I thought he wasn't interested in meeting anymore, but he told me "I'll always make time because it's you, we just have to settle on a day and I'll make time!" good thing is we finally settled on a day and are meeting following week.

I'm trying not to be too demanding as it's only been 1.5mths and I don't expect someone who's only known me for such a short duration to rearrange his whole life for me. But at the same time part of me feels that it's been 1.5mths and it seems that nothing's really happening anymore. It's been increasingly hard to play it cool as people often tell me conflicting advice, such as "If he were really interested he would find time for you regardless of how busy he is." or "I'm guessing he's really just forgetful, he seems awfully busy. Give him the benefit of doubt and ride this out." and sometimes this little voice in my head goes "Maybe he really isn't interested y'know? Why waste your time?"

Even though I'm pretty busy myself, half the time I wonder about how he's doing and all.

Any advice on how to feel less insecure or viewpoints about my situation would be great! I'm pretty sure my insecurities will seep out into my interactions with him

How often do you text? Who initiates most of the texting (or is it equal)? Some people can feel pressured and overwhelmed with feeling like you want to text all the time. You may not overtext at all, just saying this is a possibility.

Also, if you've only met up once in person during the month and a half, things haven't really gotten off the ground yet. He may not have serious feelings as of yet.

I would suggest scaling back on the texting, and never send more than one unanswered text. Take turns. You send one, he sends one, you, him. Or preferably, let him do most of the initiating since he's the guy and he's the one pulling back. When a guy withdraws, do not chase - that makes them distance even further.

How often do you text? Who initiates most of the texting (or is it equal)?

Tbh ever since he got my number and initiated the texting it's like.. We haven't really stopped. There are some days (happens very seldom cuz my phone is always by my side and I make it a point to reply a text when I can cuz I don't wanna seem rude) I won't reply him for a couple of hours when I'm really busy, then he'll text me again saying "Hey are you still alive?" (It's an inside joke) or if he sees me online (sometimes I reply to work matters on Whatsapp then get off my phone again) and I haven't replied in hours he'll tell me "I SEE YOU ONLINE HAHA how're things? Busy day?" Etc. Now I find myself doing the same as he's the one who doesn't reply for hours on end.

That's a good suggestion! Tho, I've always replied him within a very short time frame. How would I scale back on the texting without coming off as "not interested" or rude?

Sounds like you're both wrapped in a competition of who is the busiest, and he makes a point of not replying in order to appear busy. It's also ridiculous that neither of you said hi to each other at the dance class when you had the actual chance to speak in person. With his friends nudging him it he must have told them about you so I don't know why he couldn't say helllo, he sounds immature to me.

It sounds like after 1.5 mos and one meet you are both multi-dating. Messaging and texting is not dating or relationships. That takes place in person.

You may want to reconsider someone who is this reluctant to meet up again in person and keeps giving you the "busy signal".

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? It may give you some insight into who is wasting your time in a holding pattern and who is really interested.

So about 1.5months ago I met this guy on Tinder and we hit it off instantly. He's 27 and I'm 24. so we've only been able to meet up once. I guess our first meetup went well as he suggested we go for ice-cream after. Making plans for our second meetup has been difficult too, as I've learnt that with him, I can't ask too many questions at one go – he seems to be blur and all and will only answer the last question

Tbh ever since he got my number and initiated the texting it's like.. We haven't really stopped. There are some days (happens very seldom cuz my phone is always by my side and I make it a point to reply a text when I can cuz I don't wanna seem rude) I won't reply him for a couple of hours when I'm really busy, then he'll text me again saying "Hey are you still alive?" (It's an inside joke) or if he sees me online (sometimes I reply to work matters on Whatsapp then get off my phone again) and I haven't replied in hours he'll tell me "I SEE YOU ONLINE HAHA how're things? Busy day?" Etc. Now I find myself doing the same as he's the one who doesn't reply for hours on end.

 

That's a good suggestion! Tho, I've always replied him within a very short time frame. How would I scale back on the texting without coming off as "not interested" or rude?

I agree with butterfly - it sounds like it's become a competition of who seems the busiest and who can wait the longest to reply. It sounds like it started with you going for hours not replying, and now he's started doing it. Maybe he backed off so as not to seem too eager, or maybe he became annoyed with the lag time in hearing back from you. Once the "games" start, it's very hard to break out of that. Maybe if you spent more time in person and got closer that way, the texting would become more natural.

Sounds like you're both wrapped in a competition of who is the busiest, and he makes a point of not replying in order to appear busy.

This sounds pretty possible!

Maybe if you spent more time in person and got closer that way, the texting would become more natural.

This happened once after talking for the first 2 weeks or so, I felt he started slowing down his replies a lot, but it wasn't to this extent but I thought he wasn't interested in meeting and contemplated cancelling our date which was happening in a few days (went ahead with it though, and it was great!).

The moment we parted ways, he texted me immediately (like while he was still in view) and we didn't stop until he told me his replies would be slower cuz he needs to drive off to training as he's late I'll only be seeing him next week, so I really hope it'll be like what you said since it was like that the first time round!