Confidence Issues

Hi.

I have never been what you might call "Good with girls". My record is somewhere like 1-for-150 in attempts. And these have included cruel, mocking, dismissive and fake-interest-at-first rejections.

I realize I have to go out there and flirt. Only I feel that if I simply try and start a conversation, I'll be immediately rejected, because I don't know how to be natural, or confident.

I know how to be "nice". But being "nice" is a negative, as anyone who reads the Internet will see. I want to be able to appear confident. Maybe even cocky. Only, how can I do it? Is there a way to practice? How do I forget that my confidence is shot to bits? How do I avoid looking totally like a fish out of water?

Appreciate your comments. Thanks in advanc

How old are you? Are you out in the work world or are you a student?

I don't know you, or how you carry yourself, dress, etc... but do you like who you are? What would you change about yourself if you could? Nothing? I think if you are happy with yourself, then you will be more confident in yourself. You can then chalk a loss up, say F that, and keep on going. I have always been on the skinny side, I know I'm not everyone's type, so I don't get upset if that is actually a factor in getting rejected. Everyone has preferences. There is nothing that can turn someone off more than trying too hard, being clingy, or being insecure about themselves.

Online dating could help with confidence as you can approach people with more info about them, perfect how you want to portray yourself at first, and there is a bit of a buffer rather than just cold approaching them. It also gives some practice in conversation.

Edit - Also, where do you approach people to get cruel/mocking responses? bars, clubs? Yeah, don't do those with confidence issues.

I think that practice is important. You don't run a marathon by only running 26 miles on race day, there is a lot of training before that day.

So rather than trying to attempt to flirt with strangers which is probably going to go down in flames and further damage your confidence, it would be good to get comfortable developing a style of comfortably speaking to new people. One of the ways to do that is through groups where you have a variety of people. If you are in school, there should be clubs or activities or volunteering. Otherwise, the best way towards finding groups is the Meetup site. You can select an activity and join the group on the day that it meets. Unless you show up with a sour looking don't-talk-to-me expression, you will find people to talk to or will start talking to you.

The point again is to get used to talking to new people first which naturally develops converstion techniques. That means all people, not just ones who you would like to date, people who are clearly using a group as a dating spot are brutal to be around. Then you can apply those techniques as a better way to meet someone to potentially date.

Confidence is all about being comfortable with who you are, flaws and all. So when you think about being someone else, because you perceive that being yourself is bad because you read it on the internet.....that's the road to failure. When you pretend, people sense it and reject it. The only relationship that will work is where you are yourself, she is herself and you both match that way and like each other for who you are. Finding that person is hard work for everyone. A lot like looking for a needle in a haystack and batting 1 in 150 is about average. So you are not off.

As for people being rude, nasty, etc.....well welcome to the world. People ARE rude, nasty, mean, etc. That's about them and a poor reflection of them. Important that you understand that their behavior is not a reflection of you. You kind of need to start looking at it as "well....she was pretty until she opened her mouth and turned into a croaking frog........yuck......next!". When you approach someone and they turn out to be nasty, your only response should be silent disgust with them and then you walk away head high and let them digest that their behavior caused another person to look at them with such disdain. Perhaps in the future, they'll think and act better. For now, they've shown you who they are and it was pathetic. Basically, the other part of confidence is how you perceive the world around you and how you respond.

The PUA routine of cocky/not nice obviously isn't working, right? Why? because it's bs.

Make small talk, smile get to know them then one day say hey lets go for coffee. A lot easier than strutting around like a fool trying to be cocky.

My record is somewhere like 1-for-150 in attempts. But being "nice" is a negative, as anyone who reads the Internet will see. I want to be able to appear confident. Maybe even cocky.