friends?

I've posted once about a LDR I was in. I just need to write about it to let it out, have an outlet.

We met online and got to know one another for about nine months before meeting in person. We then spent nearly a year making trips to see each other monthly. Things were great for a time though the distance was difficult. However, there were issues that only now after it's over do I see. We were never "official" as she would say. I was never her boyfriend even though we were clearly in a relationship with all the "I love you", "I miss you" etc. She never told anyone in her life about me. I was a secret. She once dropped me off at a store while she went home to get something (didn't want her family to see me. that can't be good) Her ex-boyfriend was never out of the picture. He continually popped up. she always took his calls and he was ever present. When she ended it she said she never loved me, she was just vulnerable at the time. It was all a mistake, she regretted ever getting involved. That broke me to be honest. I fell apart. I hate to admit that. It's like nearly two years of my life wasted. Yet she said she valued me as a friend because I understood her. She wanted me in her life.

Well since it ended the "friendship" has been non-existent. She has real friends that came back into her life that she hangs out with. When I met her she didn't. She deleted me off Skype, rarely if ever answers a call from me and now rarely ever answers a text. She will randomly call me here or there but I can't reach out to her. She won't answer or return calls or text messages. A few months back I was in her city for business and took time to see her. Initially she said she would love to hang out but when the time came she backed out, coming up with reasons not to see me. I did see her briefly. I guess I was a fool to believe friendship was something she really wanted. I couldn't let go and she couldn't stand to be near me. The reality is she has no feelings for me, wants me gone, no friendship but she won't say it. If someone cared about you as a friend or otherwise they would answer the phone, text message, would want to see you. I guess it just took me too long to open my damn eyes.

I don't think she wants me in her life. Her behavior seems to say it all. My problem is letting go. I don't have any friends to turn to. I'm having a hard time letting go. I've made a fool of myself trying to stay in her life. I made a fool of myself the whole time. I need help.

Sorry to hear this. Go no contact and don't put yourself through this. ](*,)

I don't think she wants me in her life. Her behavior seems to say it all.