Lost.

Where do I begin? I'm a 20 year old female and life at the moment has been really rough. I feel that every aspect of my life is incredibly challenging and I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I know that I need to seek counseling to get some help. Rewind back to a year ago, my life seemed so perfect. I started growing up, I was dating a wonderful guy, I got a job that I loved, everything was perfect. Well 5 months ago, me and my ex broke up. He was the first guy that I ever loved, TRULY IN LOVE with. He's moving far, far away because he can't stay here, and that breaks my heart. Losing him and the fact that he has to move away (the reason for our breakup) has been devastating and the hardest thing for me to deal with. Also, I've been experiencing really bad health issues that I'm slowly trying to take care of them. I've always suffered from mild anxiety and depression but recently it has sky rocketed. I have severe anxiety attacks. I've lost 20 pounds. My health isn't all that great. I got a new position at work about 2 months ago. I now wait tables in this upscale restaurant. Waiting tables has been so stressful. It keeps me exhausted. I've been doing better and getting better at this job, I've had no previous waiting experience. I've been doing pretty well but I get so overwhelmed and a lot of it I believe is management issues. Tonight at work wasn't so great. It really is a tough job. I just feel like everything is going wrong and i'm just trying to do my best in life and keep my head up. I only have 2 best friends that live out of state. We still see each other from time to time and talk pretty regularly. I honestly like them living out of state. I need my space from them. Both of them have gotten engaged this year, both them and their finances moved into together. One is now pregnant. I feel so beside myself. And it's not that I'm jealous but in a way I guess I kinda am. I'm bitter. I'm so happy for them but I feel so beside myself . Talking to them about their weddings and planning their weddings is hard for me, especially because right now the only guy that I'm in love with is moving far away soon. I've been trying really hard to get in to see a doctor and a counselor for help, but all of my appointments keep getting canceled. I'm just so lost right now. I'm tired. I have no motivation anymore. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I really want to work on myself and improve myself. All I do is go to work, come home and exist. I rarely go out and enjoy life. And I hate that. I have no motivation.. my depression and anxiety have gotten so severe and unmanageable that I really need help. I have a doctors appointment Monday hopefully it won't get cancelled. I'm praying that maybe an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine and counseling will help me. I'm exhausted all the time. I need energy and motivation to improve my health and focus on bettering myself. But at the end of it all I'm lost. I'm so beside myself and need help. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm mentally falling apart...

Where do I begin? I'm a 20 year old female and life at the moment has been really rough. I feel that every aspect of my life is incredibly challenging and I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I know that I need to seek counseling to get some help. Rewind back to a year ago, my life seemed so perfect. I started growing up, I was dating a wonderful guy, I got a job that I loved, everything was perfect. Well 5 months ago, me and my ex broke up. He was the first guy that I ever loved, TRULY IN LOVE with. He's moving far, far away because he can't stay here, and that breaks my heart. Losing him and the fact that he has to move away (the reason for our breakup) has been devastating and the hardest thing for me to deal with. Also, I've been experiencing really bad health issues that I'm slowly trying to take care of them. I've always suffered from mild anxiety and depression but recently it has sky rocketed. I have severe anxiety attacks. I've lost 20 pounds. My health isn't all that great. I got a new position at work about 2 months ago. I now wait tables in this upscale restaurant. Waiting tables has been so stressful. It keeps me exhausted. I've been doing better and getting better at this job, I've had no previous waiting experience. I've been doing pretty well but I get so overwhelmed and a lot of it I believe is management issues. Tonight at work wasn't so great. It really is a tough job. I just feel like everything is going wrong and i'm just trying to do my best in life and keep my head up. I only have 2 best friends that live out of state. We still see each other from time to time and talk pretty regularly. I honestly like them living out of state. I need my space from them. Both of them have gotten engaged this year, both them and their finances moved into together. One is now pregnant. I feel so beside myself. And it's not that I'm jealous but in a way I guess I kinda am. I'm bitter. I'm so happy for them but I feel so beside myself . Talking to them about their weddings and planning their weddings is hard for me, especially because right now the only guy that I'm in love with is moving far away soon. I've been trying really hard to get in to see a doctor and a counselor for help, but all of my appointments keep getting canceled. I'm just so lost right now. I'm tired. I have no motivation anymore. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I really want to work on myself and improve myself. All I do is go to work, come home and exist. I rarely go out and enjoy life. And I hate that. I have no motivation.. my depression and anxiety have gotten so severe and unmanageable that I really need help. I have a doctors appointment Monday hopefully it won't get cancelled. I'm praying that maybe an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine and counseling will help me. I'm exhausted all the time. I need energy and motivation to improve my health and focus on bettering myself. But at the end of it all I'm lost. I'm so beside myself and need help. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm mentally falling apart...

You arent alone. Many of us go through this stage. You just have to keep.pushing. Day by day it will get easier. Just take it day by day. and never stop pushing. keep moving forward. When i get like this, its beyond horrible. I dont like myself like this. But ive been realizing lately that whatever happens, happens for a reason. And when it has to do with "love", its best to keep it out of your personal life. You control your mind. You control what it thinks.. Every morning just feel happy to be awake and mention yourself 3 things you are thankful for. It could be ANYTHING. start going on walks outside and just listen to everything around you as you walk. Being a waiter is a very difficult job and on top of that you probably have strict management.. i know it can be difficult. But just know that this is your life. not his, not anyones elses. its yours. you do what you want with it. Stop looking back at something you cant change/control. Look forward, to things you have control over. You have control over tomorrow. You have control over what you will do tomorrow. YOU have control, no one else. You have control of how you feel within the next hour. You have to face the facts. He's moving away and thats that. Just look forward and keep.on.moving.forward. it will get better.

You are doing the right thing seeking help for all this.

I was dating a wonderful guy, 5 months ago, me and my ex broke up. Losing him and the fact that he has to move away. I'm bitter. I hate that. I have no motivation.