"Emotionally unavailable" shy guy. Help!

Hi guys, I need your help on reading this shy guy! I'm 22 and he is 23, I've been seeing him every weekend at the library for several months, since we are studying for the same exams. We always have small talks here and there, but they don't go anywhere. He looks like a big teddy bear, always smiling when I say something to him but doesn't initiate conversations, very nice and mild to me and strangers, and he studies hard. We haven't hung out outside of the library but I have been curious about him because I've never dealt with a shy guy and he looks like a nice guy.

I asked him to add me on facebook a few weeks ago, and his intro said "Emotionally unavailable," which made me wonder why. IHe looked social and silly in his pictures, btw.) One day we were talking about scary goary movies and he said we should watch one together. I gave him my number but he didn't hit me up. After 2 weeks (today) I saw him at the library again and I casually asked him if he wanted to grab some food after studying and he said "sure."

We talked about bunch of things during the meal. He sometimes looked distracted and we had a couple of 3-seconds-silences, but he brought up new topics ("Have you seen this movie? Do you like the band ____?"). After the meal, we headed to our cars but I suggested that we walk around the mall to which he said "Sure if you want..." Most of our conversations were jokes, a little bit of getting to know each other, and small talks. I wanted to see if he was physically shy(?) with girls, so I asked him to teach me how to "bro-hug." You know... how bros say hi to one another. (Excuse my poor excuse to make him touch me!) It was a liiiiiittle bit awkward, but we were both laughing. When we said bye, he asked me if I was coming to library tomorrow and I said yes, demanding we "bro-hug" for a goodbye. He laughed and we "bro-hugged," immediately after which I said, "Okay come on, gimme a hug!" He hugged me a little bit awkwardly (most likely he didn't see that coming).

The whole time we were walking around the mall, his hands were in his pockets. When we were talking about mosh pits, he said he would take me to a rock concert. When we were talking about drifting, he said he would take me drifting (I don't know if he really drifts or was joking). He says the word "stupid" a lot... kinda like a high school student. (ex: "I listen to their music, they are stupid.." "Comedy movies are stupid haha") And I'm the one who has been taking the lead in conversations, getting something to eat, and walking around the mall.

I've never dated a shy guy like him. I am attractive, giggly, engaging and motivated but not an expert at flirting. He always smiles when I talk to him, he's smart and hard-working but I want to know what he's passionate about. He's like a new territory for me and seems to be a very nice guy so I want to get to know him. Do you guys think he's interested in me? Should I keep taking the lead? Please help!

Well can't say for sure, but based on guys I know...

It sounds like he likes you. He probably is just not used to the attention and really nervous and over thinking things. He probably is trying to not come on too strong and make you think he likes you (like not calling you about the movies), but the fact that he is going out and spending time with you speaks for itself.

If you like him and enjoy spending time with him, then there's no reason to stop taking the lead! Even if it doesn't necessarily lead to anything, at least you had a good time together! If you are eager for things to move forward, it sounds like you will definitely have to be the person to take charge, but try not to be too pushy... take it slow.

Best of luck!

He sounds shy but probably interested. If he wasn't interested I think he would have like backed away when you suggested the hugging stuff.

Aww, I love this story so much! It's so freaking adorable! Please update us when you can about any new developments!

I have a GIGANTIC crush on somebody who is shy right now, so I think that's why I'm enjoying this so much, lol. Allow me to live vicariously through you, lol!

Thank you guys for replies!! Hahaha Glitz&Glitter, you can totally live vicariously through me. Share your story too please

Well, 2 days ago I had a recruiting event at the building where he works, so I suggested that we meet up afterwards. We did, and we walked around the mall again lol. I asked him what he wanted to do multiple times during the walk (because there isn't really much to do at a mall, honestly!) and he kept saying "I don't know." He was, again, just shyly laughing and not taking initiatives. There were moments of silences while we were looking at stores, walking, etc and I started wondering why he even agreed with meeting up, if he wasn't trying anything. I asked him a question (to get to know him better) at one point,

Me: "What word do you think describes you the best?"

Him: "Haha I don't know...."

Me: "Those are three words! I asked for one word

Him: "Haha 'IDK'? Why are you asking me?

Me: "Haha.. well this is what I ask people to get to know them better

Him: "Do they tell you "shut up" or something.. haha" *laughs*

... So obviously, that didn't really work out and we laughed it off. Past guys that I went on dates with, took a moment to think, and gave me an answer. On the other hand, I feel like he thought it was a "stupid" question. He didn't really try to get to know me, our conversations were random and shallow, he wasn't physically flirty... well, he wasn't flirty in any way at all, to be honest. I was a little frustrated and confused as to why he was even spending time with me -- when we met up, he said he was a little tired from work, his work sucked, and I know he has to study or go home and rest, so why did he come out with me? Should I have decided what to do this time, too? I didn't want to push him to do anything if he "didn't know" what to do everytime I asked him... So we just said goodbyes after an hour and went home.

Driving back home I was frustrated, so I joined my friends to play pool. Then I decided to invite him since we live close. It was around 9:45pm, and he first asked me where the place was, then told me he would come but he had to work the next day. So I said, "Awww okay, maybe another time" to which he said, "Yeah most def. Have a good night playin pool

What should I do about my crush? Is he not interested, does he really have nothing to talk about himself, or is he super nervous? I don't think I was being boring.... I'm just lost!

sounds nervous and has no clue how to talk to you! maybe next time go somewhere with alcohol, lol maybe he needs to loosen up a bit, or go to a movie, he won't feel the pressure to talk all night, but you will have the movie you can discuss after.

if he doesn't start to talk to you soon, i dunno if he is emotionally mature enough yet to be dating, or having a RS....

Also, he might not joined in at pool because he might have been embarrassed for his aloof behaviour. If he is shy, he might have a scenarios in his head were he would impress you, but then he totally failed at that cause he hardly talked and he might figure he blew it so he left.

Thank you happpybear! I am hesitant to ask him out again next time, but if I do and if he says yes, I will suggest going to happy hour lol.

What is a RS?

I'm used to more aggressive guys who expressed interest right off the bat, so I am a bit lost with this one. Sigh!

RS is my short-form for "relationship"...I'm a lazy typer!

y the shy ones can be tough to crack, hopefully it all works out for you!

OH I see lol! We will see.... thanks!

shl025 I'm going to tell you right now that if you're expecting him to eventually become aggressive like guys you've dated in the past you're going to have a high probability of being sorely disappointed.

The reason I say this is because shy guys are usually shy around a woman they particularly like because their apprehension and fear is that they'll reveal too much to soon or be too forward or move too fast and the woman in question will reject their advance/action. Some shy guys have so many variables & barriers of "what to do and what not to do" that they never do anything because they're thinking too much, so no action is ever taken.

Aggressive guys lay everything on the table and just go for it (stereotypically speaking of course).

The Shyest guys? They calculate when to lay down every... single.... card.... individually. The key is how to push his buttons in a manner where he gets comfortable moving things forward faster so you guys don't stall like you did at the mall where nothing happened.

If you keep hanging out with him you'll eventually figure out how to get him to be comfortable around you. Try hanging out together alone at your place or his. None public settings will probably make him more at ease as most shy people are mostly introverted for the majority of the time.

Hey Jake, thanks for your response

You said "shy guys are usually shy around a woman they particularly like because their apprehension and fear is that they'll reveal too much to soon or be too forward or move too fast and the woman in question will reject their advance/action," but I think I expressed interest in hanging out or meeting up several times already. When we talk, I initiate conversations or I lightly push/touch him on his arm when I laugh. Do you think these are too subtle? I mean, after hanging out at the mall, I was like, "What the HECK was that...? I wonder if he'd be like that if he was hanging out with any other friend?"

I think he might not be interested in me after all. Maybe he agreed with meeting up because we study at the same library on weekends and he didn't want to make it awkward. I bring up some events or movies going on, and he says "Oh I've been there," "We should watch it together," or "Haha I'll take you" but there is no further step taken. He's never initiated texting and his replies are mostly curt. He seems to have a group of friends that he hangs out with - I would looooove to see him in his element, with his friends, but I am hesitant / confused as to how to initiate that. He is non-assertive and shy around me while he seems to be social with his friends, and that confuses me when I take in everything that makes me think he doesn't like me at all.

Unfortunately I am afraid to ask him to hang out again, after seeing him not showing any signs.

sometimes you have to take things at face-value for the sake of your own sanity. If you are not getting much, maybe their really isn't much there..

I agree with you Happpybear. I decided not to sweat about it! I want someone who can carry a good conversation and emotionally ready for a possible relationship, anyway...!