Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Friend won't stop talking about her boyfriend!

  1. #1
    JewelCat
    Bronze Member JewelCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    171
    Gender
    Female

    Friend won't stop talking about her boyfriend!

    I have a really good friend who I've known for about about 3 or 4 years. I met her in college, graduated together, and we have very similar career goals. Recently, we both got laid off from work, and we've been spending more time together now that we have this abundance of free time. And since we have similar career goals, we're helping each other out with job hunting, portfolios (we're both artists), and all that other fun stuff that involves looking for work.

    Late last year, she began dating this really nice guy from our old school. I was going through some boy drama at the time, so she said (out of respect for me) that if I didn't want to hear about her new bf, she wouldn't talk about him. Well, I'm over the drama I was going through, have been for awhile and I feel completely healed.

    I am genuinely happy for my friend and I think he's great for her. It didn't bother me at all when she started talking about him again, but now she will. Not. STOP! It's driving me up the wall!! Every time we talk, everything relates back to him. She tells me about his school schedule, work schedule, his friends, his family, when he calls/texts her, what they usually talk about, and even how big his "parts" are. I can't take it anymore! I really am happy for her, but I feel a little cold hearted telling her that all this talk about him is getting annoying. I don't want her to think I'm not happy for her, or that I'm not over the boy drama from last year. Any advice? I'm not heart-less, right?

  2. #2
    Esteller
    Silver Member Esteller's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    434
    Gender
    Male
    My opinion, your not heartless. you don't mind hearing her talk about him but not about EVERYTHING! its fair to say that. Exactly.. tell her im not trying to be mean or a bad friend but you don't have to tell me everything about him.

  3. #3
    finallystrong
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    246
    Gender
    Male
    This is not going to go over well, especially with someone who likes to talk a lot (as your friend does). She will get upset and give you the pout disposition. I understand it's not fair to you, so it's only right to tell her, but just be ready for different behavior from her. It's VERY rare that people actually understand without getting offended, in these types of situations. She might even shut down, not talk remotely as much as she does now, but hopefully that's not the case.

    I wish you luck my friend.

  4. #4
    BellaDonna
    Platinum Member BellaDonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    U.S.
    Posts
    9,139
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    16
    It seems that you are not really annoyed that she is talking about her BF, per se, but that it dictates the entire conversation to the point of it almost being one-sided and self-centered. I know some people that do this often, not just about their BF or GF- but about their children, or their pet(s), astrology, or some topic they are particulary hyper about (i.e. living out a movie scene-by scene- ick!, or time travel through meditation- whatever!)

    Too much of any subject can be really annoying.


    She tells me about his school schedule, work schedule
    You can't say "who cares!!!???" but it sure is tempting. What I would suggest is that you just not even acknowledge it once it goes on for too long, and change the subject abruptly. Or say something like "Oh sorry to interrupt but i was really hoping to tell you about X" if there is something in particular you wanted to discuss. You could also try "I'm so happy for you two. It's clear you are crazy about him just by how much you talk about him ALL the time. I'm rooting for you."

    Maybe the girl will take a hint! Good luck.

  5. #5
    JewelCat
    Bronze Member JewelCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    171
    Gender
    Female
    Thanks for the replies, everyone.

    I've dropped hints before (by just acting disinterested) but they don't seem to work. I've tried changing the subject, but sometimes she finds ways to bring her boyfriend into the new subject. Yeah, I'm being driven up the wall lol. BellaDonna, I think she may finally take a hint if I emphasize that she must be really crazy about him by how much she talks about him. If that doesn't work, I'll try being more direct. And if THAT doesn't work, I can always make a sign that says, "NO (bf's name) ZONE". And I can include his picture, in a circle with a line through it.

  6. #6
    Esteller
    Silver Member Esteller's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    434
    Gender
    Male
    very creative. lol

  7. #7
    geekgirl4
    Platinum Member geekgirl4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    1,497
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Just be careful about being too intense on not talking about the bf. It might create a divide and force her to choose sides - in which case it seems like she's already on the bf's side. Just be honest and simple. Let her know you're glad she's very happy with her relationship and ask if she can just tone down on talking about the bf so often.

  8. #8
    JewelCat
    Bronze Member JewelCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    171
    Gender
    Female
    Hung out and had dinner with her and another friend of ours yesterday (her bf wasn't there). When the 3 of us were together, she didn't mention her bf at all, which surprised me a little. But when I drove her home (other girl drove herself), the bf talk started up again. One of the things that worries me about the direct approach is that I don't really know what I can say is acceptable to talk about and whats not. I don't mind hearing about him, just not all the time, and sometimes she does have interesting things to say about him that actually enjoy hearing. But when the bf talk started up again last night, when it became too much, I was just nodding and being disinterested in what she was saying, and it worked for once! She stopped almost abruptly, and I didn't hear about him again for the rest of the drive. I think she's becoming more aware that she talks about him a lot (maybe someone else told her), and hopefully the direct approach wont be needed.

  9. #9
    geekgirl4
    Platinum Member geekgirl4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    1,497
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    I think you have to be clear about this. It's not like you don't want her to completely stop talking but by passive aggressively tuning her out when she does, she will start to get the idea that you don't want to hear anything at all about the bf or might even dislike him. It's amazing how things can get misinterpreted in the absence of communication. I think its very possible to talk to her about this without a fight occurring and talking to her about this is the fastest way.

  10. #10
    JewelCat
    Bronze Member JewelCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    171
    Gender
    Female
    Well, she already knows that I like him because we all went to school together, so I've known him for awhile. I'm not worried about a fight breaking out, but knowing how she is, I just think she'll interpret, "can you not talk about him so much," to, "Don't talk about him at all." I suppose it was rude of me to tune her out last night, but it was only after the bf talk was becoming overkill. If it comes up again (and it will) I can try being more direct, and say sometimes she talks about him too much. Knowing her, by wording it like that she probably will tone it down.

  11.  

Top Threads
Friends..!
Can exes remain friends?
Sad and scared about deteriorating friendship circle
Backstory: my bf and I are generally happy, pleasant, inclusive people. We can be abrasive and grumpy too, and a bit intense, but generally we're
Should I bother pursuing a friendship here?
I have a colleague that was in my year at school, over a decade later we've found ourselves back in the same small town and now work at the same

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Has anyone on here used face time after meeting someone online?
Met this lady on Craigslist and when I suggested we exchange numbers so we can set up a meeting she preferred face time. I have no interest in face
Does a cheater get a second chance..?
I posted earlier but everybody's just looking at all the negative stuff which I understand but my question is if you find out your significant other
Encouragement and Advice Needed Please
Hi, When I was younger I was very ambitious and optimistic about the future, I believed I could turn things around for myself and create a
Friends..!
Can exes remain friends?
Heard something pretty rude while dining out tonight
So I'm sitting at Paneras when a man and woman sit next to me. The man announces to the woman that as of today, he's lost 35 pounds in 10 weeks from
Too many weddings and babies and I m nowhere
Hi everyone I don't even know how to start but I m feeling depressed. I m in my mid 30's and never had a kid or got married. I had few serious
Is this cheating??
My ex and I got together for closure a few weeks after our break up. We talked and said how much we loved eachother and it was very emotional
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •