[color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color] for Tat

The background is longer than the actual dilemma I have but I'll try and get to the meat of it.

I let an ex of mine that was kinda just living pillar to post move in with my husband and I. He lived with us, getting on his feet, for the better of 7 months. No fooling around but there was a lot of unspoken tension between the two of us after a couple of months. Just random bs. My husband actually enjoyed his company and had NO problems with him. He had no issues with HIM but him and I had issues that existed long before he came and was progressively getting worse. WE knew we were going to separate.

That separation time came after 5 years of a relationship and 2 years of marriage. I left, moved. The two of them remained living together. In my absence he spoke of me horribly. He showed my husband pictures, emails, letters - anything he had that he thought would make me look bad. Most of the things he said weren't even true. 98% of the things he said were blatant lies, 1% were exaggerated truths and the other 1% was iffy. Meaning, I don't remember. I was hurt and confused as to why he'd do this. Then, I got angry. I was wishing I could take things back I had said, given and written to him but I knew that I couldn't - or could I?

I logged into his email account and deleted EVERY thing that had my name attached to it. Pictures, emails - EVERY thing. I didn't read or delete anything that wasn't directly related to me. He had over 9,000 emails saved and it took almost 3 days. Then I felt slightly bad about it. I just didn't want him to have all those things since he obviously would use them against me whenever it suited him.

Do you think I was wrong?

Yes. It's always wrong to break into another person's email account.

Yes. It's always wrong to break into another person's email account.

I didn't "break" in. I LOGGED in. I've always known the password.

I didn't "break" in. I always knew the pw.

It's not your email account. The emails weren't addressed to you. You shouldn't be in there even if you know the pw.

It's not your email account. The emails weren't addressed to you. You shouldn't be in there even if you know the pw.

I think you're missing the point.

I was allowed access to the account. No, it wasn't MY account but I was allowed, given permission by the owner to access it. No, I wasn't given permission to delete MY emails, which DID have my name on them, but I did. So I was ALLOWED to "be in there".

I feel bad about it but I don't because he used them to try and hurt me.

I think you're missing the point.

I was allowed access to the account. No, it wasn't MY account but I was allowed, given permission by the owner to access it. No, I wasn't given permission to delete MY emails, which DID have my name on them, but I did. So I was ALLOWED to "be in there".

I feel bad about it but I don't because he used them to try and hurt me.

Oh, I understand what you are saying. He gave you the password.... he doesn't (or didn't) care if you were in there, blah, blah, blah.

You are asking if we think it's wrong. I DO think what you did was wrong. On some level, you must think it's wrong too otherwise you wouldn't feel bad at all or even post about it.

Beyond that, I think that it makes you look guilty. He's taking things out of context and trying to make you look bad. Sure... it happens. But by deleting all of those emails, you are making it look like you have something to hide.

I think you should have left it... but what's done is done. What can you do?

Yes, it was wrong for you to delete his emails.

And I agree with RedDress in that rather than serving your purpose,

it could likely backfire because:

A) As it's been pointed out, why would somebody innocent feel the need to do that?

B) You've just done something that most people would consider a major violation, and basically given him one more terrible thing to say about you.

Yes you were wrong. Ethically, morally and maybe legally.

And I don't blame you one bit. Good for you.

I had nothing to hide really. This relationship was known to my ex husband and everything that was saved was sent/given during the course of the relationship. I just thought it was in bad taste to disclose things that were said in confidence and intimacy.

Yes, I can agree it was wrong to delete the emails and that's why I feel this slightly guilty feeling. I wasn't trying to defend or justify what I done, I was really just seeing if someone else in my position would have done the same thing. I'm not being defensive, I just wanted it to be known that I was intentionally given access to the account. I just felt kinda betrayed so I acted out of anger. Not saying I was right...

I had nothing to hide really. This relationship was known to my ex husband and everything that was saved was sent/given during the course of the relationship. I just thought it was in bad taste to disclose things that were said in confidence and intimacy.

Yes, I can agree it was wrong to delete the emails and that's why I feel this slightly guilty feeling. I wasn't trying to defend or justify what I done, I was really just seeing if someone else in my position would have done the same thing. I'm not being defensive, I just wanted it to be known that I was intentionally given access to the account. I just felt kinda betrayed so I acted out of anger. Not saying I was right...

That makes sense.

And I can understand your motivation for doing it.

When someone betrays you, it makes you wish you'd never shared yourself with them.

You were trying to take yourself back, in a way.

Anyway, what's done is done.

Hopefully you won't be suffering any repercussions from it;

it sounds like you've been put through the ringer by him already.