if you feel ignored/lack of attention in LDR

so... if u r in an LDR (committed one) and you have been feeling that your partner is not giving you enough attention/time/support, what would you do?

the reason i ask is that i have seen many breakups that have a root in this issue.

also, what would you do if this is happening and you know that it is because of a reason - say your partner's new job / new business / some problem at work / exams / grad school etc....

what would you do?

Negativity or pointing the finger never helps. I've found that in these situations sincerity always is way better. For instance not seeing a lot of her , order some flowers with a "Haven't seen you in a while, miss you" at work or something.

You have to be careful with LDR's because when you get not to seeing someone, sometimes its very easy to cut the connection, because you won't see them anyway.

i wish i could answer, in a similar situation. We use to talk a lot (which has helped me since there is a physical absence) and lately she has been fairly busy and moving about, while as i have done opposite, not having much going on...def not helping my case.

This sudden change (though it may be nothing and temporary) has been bugging me and making me feel farther, and more distant. I dont think she even notices a change probably feels the same, meanwhile its eating at me. I am not sure what to do, ive been keeping it to myself in hopes its just because of being busy lately. Maybe im just use to the how things were and craving that.

Let me know what u do!

i wish i could answer, in a similar situation. We use to talk a lot (which has helped me since there is a physical absence) and lately she has been fairly busy and moving about, while as i have done opposite, not having much going on...def not helping my case.

This sudden change (though it may be nothing and temporary) has been bugging me and making me feel farther, and more distant. I dont think she even notices a change probably feels the same, meanwhile its eating at me. I am not sure what to do, ive been keeping it to myself in hopes its just because of being busy lately. Maybe im just use to the how things were and craving that.

 

Let me know what u do!

I think I was on other side Josh.. and i was really busy... didn't notice the change... and even though at times I did notice the change there is not much i could do... long distance + busy work...

unfortunately my gf dumped me and i was left heartbroken...

all i can say is, keeping it to yourself will only lead to bottled emotions (mostly negative) and maybe she loves u very much but just needs to focus on the work right now...

keep in mind relationships are long lasting (and should be long lasting) and therefore they will have their ups and downs...

i wish i could answer, in a similar situation. We use to talk a lot (which has helped me since there is a physical absence) and lately she has been fairly busy and moving about, while as i have done opposite, not having much going on...def not helping my case.

This sudden change (though it may be nothing and temporary) has been bugging me and making me feel farther, and more distant. I dont think she even notices a change probably feels the same, meanwhile its eating at me. I am not sure what to do, ive been keeping it to myself in hopes its just because of being busy lately. Maybe im just use to the how things were and craving that.

 

Let me know what u do!

Josh, I was in this situation. What I did was to get my mind occupied with something else. It did work for me. You see your girl doesnt even notice the change as she is being very busy. Get yourself busy with something, something that you really enjoy and can engross you.

Negativity is not going to work, as another poster said, and relationship has its ups and downs.

There has to be communication and some setting of the ground rules, how much the two parties are going to keep in contact. Sometimes one person doesn't feel the need to stay in touch as much while the other needs the communication.

If it's to work, there has to be enough maturity there to have some agreement amount staying in toch, even if one party doesn't feel as much the need to stay in touch.

That's what relationships are all about, finding compromises and sacrifciing for one another.

If one person in the LDR tries to negociate keeping in contact and the other person is resistant for some reason, the LDR is 'heading for the rocks' and probably won't last.

I had a situation, where the lady I was in a LDR with wouldn't communicate Friday - Sunday. She would keep in touch somewhat, but it was clear that she didn't want to talk. She said there was 'nobody else', but it made we wonder. When I tried to negociate to have her keep in contact on the weekends, she basically gave me a flat 'no', and it was a HUGE part of me ending the relationship.

Anyway, if the LDR is to work, there has to be enough maturity on both ends to agree on communicating on a consistent basis, even if requires some sacrifice for one of the people in the LDR or both. If there is a lack of commiunication in an LDR, it can easily become a 'deal breaker'..

I have wondered about this very much because I was in a normal relationship that has turned LD due to his ailing mom who he has to take care of.

I realize that I am bored with no life and few friends while he on the other hand is taking of in his personal life with a large amount of family,his mom,his friends and his career around.

I took it out on him New Years Eve and I have decided maybe I need a new passion to keep me busy and not waiting around the phone for him all day long.

my boyfriend is waiting for me to come back to him in 12 days

he tells me he has had a terrible xmas and new year without any family or good friends and he misses me so much but he is also SO variable in his communication with me...

he ignores me the majority of the time....

it feels so good when he doesnt

it's driving me crazy

i only see my SO only once a week due to the distance and schedules, my friends recently stopped talking to me and ive had way too much time on my hands so i usually sit at home while my GF is out with her friends. ive becoming needy, feeling the sense of always needing to talk to her or know what shes doing..do i need to occupy myself or do i rreally have a problem ?

LDR's are strange, because it can create almost an 'artificial neediness'.

Before, in my non-LDR relationshps, I was never that 'needy' in a relationship. Generally I was the more independent one, needing my space with the SO being more dependent on me and needy.

When I was in an LDR, my SO wouldn't keep in contact as much and I found myself feeling more needing - wondering what she was up to and wondering why she hadn't called or wasn't calling as much. She seemed almost like the 'happening' one with me seemingly living a more sedate life, waiting around for her to call.

I didn't really realize it till know, but I think that was somewhat manufactured by the LDR dynamic. If we had lived close by, I don't think I'd have been nearly as needy. It might have actually been reversed.

LDR's are strange. You almost have to view it as a separate relationship dynamic and style, that borders on being somewhat of an illusion. This is especially true if you generally have been more independent in relationships and suddenly you find yourself feeling 'needy' based on the amount your SO is calling.

I have a very busy life myself, so that helps. When I do miss him I just try to remind myself that he is worth it, that there are some things that he still wants to do and accomplish at the moment and that this has nothing to do with not wanting to see me. But regardless of how busy we are, we talk regularly. It happens that sometimes either he or me don't have time to answer a call immediately, but we know the other will call back the next opportune moment. The other thought that helps me is, that we have our whole lives ahead of us, now is the time to do all the things that we need/ want to do in our individual development, so I don't feel the need to have to experience everything with him now, or this year.

Ok. So, I started this thread and never came back. So I am back here.

The reason I asked the question was to get people's perspectives and share my views.

I think 2 of the biggest problems is today's world in relationships could be long-distance and work-life balance.

My question was how do you handle it when you know your partner is a great partner and loves you but these issues are keeping him/her from keeping you happy. I guess what I am trying to say is that some people cannot keep themselves very engaged and happy when their spouse goes long-distance or is busy with something important (like college/career). These people end up hurting themselves (because they believe the relationship is not working and breakup) and also hurt their partners (who are deeply hurt by such experiences).

I guess I was one who was hurt by this (I am guessing that was the reason for my breakup as I see no other one).

I think it is unfair to your partner to keep hiding your concerns and emotions till they grow to a state of unhappiness.

Good luck to everybody with busy partners and who are in LDRs...

I met a guy on his vacation. We spent together for almost 4 days with full of fun and great times. After he is back to his countries, he kept calling and texting me a lot saying how much he missed me. He nagged me to come visit him for 3 months (at that time I quit job and stayed with my parents). He was so attentive and initiated for doing visa for me. But just before I decided to visit him for 3 months, I got a new job offer and I accepted so I had to change my visit to him for only 3 weeks instead of months. He was really disappointed. But I told him we needed to see how we feel when we are together again. During my visit to him for 3 weeks, we had a great times and great intimates. He was so caring and we even spent times with his friend’ family and he introduced me to his best friend. He talked about the family things. I am normally cool girl and not nagging or clingy girl who needs her guy around every time. When times came to me to leave him after 3 weeks holidays, I asked him that how he felt about having me with him. He said it was great to have me with him. After I m back to my country, I mostly occupied with my new job and I complained about my job a lot to him. He called me sometimes and said he missed me and how I looked great on facetime. Sometimes he talked about his visit to me. After almost two weeks after my visit, he started being cold and distance, no text or calls often but when I checked him up, he did not take long to reply my texts and said how he is busy( yes, he is super busy with his job even we were on holidays, he was still working on his laptops). I left him without texting him for at most 3 days. Then I checked him last week Friday, and he replied me that he was at funeral of his friend. And will call me tomorrow. I was waiting for his call but he did not make it and so I left msg to him that I was waiting for his call and worrying that what is happening with him. and let him know I am always here for him and if he does not communicate then I wont know. (we have 5 hrs time difference: he is an European and I am an Asian) He replied me that He is just too much under pressure at the moment and not really good in communicating and his job is too much now. He said, he shouldn’t but he wants to be for himself without talking or listening. He continued that he is strange sometimes, especially when he has to handle too many things at the same time and said he is sorry to tell me that. What I responded was “okay, I got you! Wish him the best, take care and rest well.” He did not reply to this. Then one day later I saw the new about bomb in London and I texted him and asked him where is he, coz he needs to travel to London a lot. He replied that “hey princess, I am doing good and in berlin. Thanks for asking” we started talking a bit about this tragedy and then literally he stopped texting me again for almost two days. I wrote him an email saying how I feel about him and I will cherish our sweet memories. I respect whatever he decides or make it clear to me for our relationship. I know he is so busy but he found time to keep in touch with me before we entered into this thing called relationship.(he claimed himself as my boyfriend). He still calls me princess in text and when I called last time him to wish birthday wish, he answered my call and even called me princess, sounded like nothing happened but the call was short coz he was preparing to go to lake with friends. I felt so hurt and right after the call he texted me”I'm so sorry to behave like this at the moment”. What does it mean?? I replied him “talk to me when u feel u can.” next day, I texted by askin had a fun birthday? wish I were with you. no reply over two days. I decided to send some comfort text " literally making me letting go my emotions off coz I am not made of stone and I feel hurt when you are treating me this way". again no reply over two days and finally i decided to call him. but he did not pick up my call. texted me right after the call by saying "he is in meeting and had diarrhea for two days where he slept. he blamed on time differences and he then asked to call me tomorrow morning." He continued long text "he is so bad at talking about things like that, but he has no solutions for the current situation, hence he runs away. This is everything else then mature, and he said he knows but he knows how our conversion will look like and he is sure he wont be able to give me answers". I replied him " I m really sorry to hear that. I wanted to check whether he has received my BD presented or not. and said I am really concerned for him since he did not reply y text. wish him to recover soon. call me when you feel better" NO CALL/ REPLY over a week now. I am so devastated. please help me . I will take hint he is trying to break up with me rather than he just needs alone time? I want closure at least. I never thought he would hurt me that much. I decided not to contact him anymore. I checked the delivery status of my present for him and it says delivered but he has not contacted or texted me anything yet. I feel in pain. !_! I never had great connection and intimate with any guy before yet. we both are in mid 30s and have professional jobs. Please tell me that he is trying to break up with me rather than he needs time alone?

He used to be so attentive and sweet.

I met a guy on his vacation. We spent together for almost 4 days with full of fun and great times. After he is back to his countries, he kept calling and texting me a lot saying how much he missed me. He nagged me to come visit him for 3 months (at that time I quit job and stayed with my parents). He was so attentive and initiated for doing visa for me. But just before I decided to visit him for 3 months, I got a new job offer and I accepted so I had to change my visit to him for only 3 weeks instead of months. He was really disappointed. But I told him we needed to see how we feel when we are together again. During my visit to him for 3 weeks, we had a great times and great intimates. He was so caring and we even spent times with his friend’ family and he introduced me to his best friend. He talked about the family things. I am normally cool girl and not nagging or clingy girl who needs her guy around every time. When times came to me to leave him after 3 weeks holidays, I asked him that how he felt about having me with him. He said it was great to have me with him. After I m back to my country, I mostly occupied with my new job and I complained about my job a lot to him. He called me sometimes and said he missed me and how I looked great on facetime. Sometimes he talked about his visit to me. After almost two weeks after my visit, he started being cold and distance, no text or calls often but when I checked him up, he did not take long to reply my texts and said how he is busy( yes, he is super busy with his job even we were on holidays, he was still working on his laptops). I left him without texting him for at most 3 days. Then I checked him last week Friday, and he replied me that he was at funeral of his friend. And will call me tomorrow. I was waiting for his call but he did not make it and so I left msg to him that I was waiting for his call and worrying that what is happening with him. and let him know I am always here for him and if he does not communicate then I wont know. (we have 5 hrs time difference: he is an European and I am an Asian) He replied me that He is just too much under pressure at the moment and not really good in communicating and his job is too much now. He said, he shouldn’t but he wants to be for himself without talking or listening. He continued that he is strange sometimes, especially when he has to handle too many things at the same time and said he is sorry to tell me that. What I responded was “okay, I got you! Wish him the best, take care and rest well.” He did not reply to this. Then one day later I saw the new about bomb in London and I texted him and asked him where is he, coz he needs to travel to London a lot. He replied that “hey princess, I am doing good and in berlin. Thanks for asking” we started talking a bit about this tragedy and then literally he stopped texting me again for almost two days. I wrote him an email saying how I feel about him and I will cherish our sweet memories. I respect whatever he decides or make it clear to me for our relationship. I know he is so busy but he found time to keep in touch with me before we entered into this thing called relationship.(he claimed himself as my boyfriend). He still calls me princess in text and when I called last time him to wish birthday wish, he answered my call and even called me princess, sounded like nothing happened but the call was short coz he was preparing to go to lake with friends. I felt so hurt and right after the call he texted me”I'm so sorry to behave like this at the moment”. What does it mean?? I replied him “talk to me when u feel u can.” next day, I texted by askin had a fun birthday? wish I were with you. no reply over two days. I decided to send some comfort text " literally making me letting go my emotions off coz I am not made of stone and I feel hurt when you are treating me this way". again no reply over two days and finally i decided to call him. but he did not pick up my call. texted me right after the call by saying "he is in meeting and had diarrhea for two days where he slept. he blamed on time differences and he then asked to call me tomorrow morning." He continued long text "he is so bad at talking about things like that, but he has no solutions for the current situation, hence he runs away. This is everything else then mature, and he said he knows but he knows how our conversion will look like and he is sure he wont be able to give me answers". I replied him " I m really sorry to hear that. I wanted to check whether he has received my BD presented or not. and said I am really concerned for him since he did not reply y text. wish him to recover soon. call me when you feel better" NO CALL/ REPLY over a week now. I am so devastated. please help me . I will take hint he is trying to break up with me rather than he just needs alone time? I want closure at least. I never thought he would hurt me that much. I decided not to contact him anymore. I checked the delivery status of my present for him and it says delivered but he has not contacted or texted me anything yet. I feel in pain. !_! I never had great connection and intimate with any guy before yet. we both are in mid 30s and have professional jobs. Please tell me that he is trying to break up with me rather than he needs time alone?

 

He used to be so attentive and sweet.

I know exactly how you feel i am in the same dilemma as you at the moment now but in my case we both live in the same state only 5 hours away from each other i think she lives in Dallas and i live in Austin well we met online and we couldn't get enough of each other we dated for a whole year and we ended up breaking up but another year passed and we got in contact again but things weren't the same any more since we got together while she was with her ex and she broke it off with him and we were dating but as the months went by i noticed she became more distant and less responsive and she wouldn't even wanna spend time with me on weekends she would rather go get faced at a bar and just everything we didn't like she liked now and she just kept blowing me off and on weekends i would never hear from her which was strange she just changed so much since the last time we met she used to be on the big side and now she dropped so much weight and she wants to party and all and she broke up with me due to the fact that she said she needs her space since she's confused and wants to work on her and she says that we rarely see each other but also she confessed that she would see her ex on weekends and sleep in his house but she also cheated on him she told me she was dating another guy while she was with her ex i mean she changed a lot back then she used to be about relationships and she never did anything with other men and she never has and never will but now since she's lost all that weight she's seeing guys left and right and just likes to party and all that she wasn't the same person anymore i wish we had never broke up in the first place the first time we started dating i think when she says she needs her space i kept thinking that's her way of saying she wants to party and guys left and right she changed so much

Backstory: I met this guy in college in the fall of 2014 and we were the closest then. After that, the distance between us has only grown. At first, it was because our schedules were changing and we couldn't see each other as often. Then he started working and for the past year he says he works 40-50 hour work weeks and he's trying to get another job right now. Keep in mind that I don't have a job or school now.

So yesterday I was on the phone with Senpai and I said to him "I'm sick of him falling to sleep on me because we have nothing to talk about" Then he said "You try to call and text me every day and you're like a thorn in my side. I'm sorry I tried" and hung up on me. I felt stupid for complaining. I'm actually really sad that it hurts him more than me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what he wants from me. I love him and I really wanna make it up to me yet the distance has made me feel like he doesn't like me anymore. Welp!

Thread is 8 years old. Sasasmile and aheartoffire21, please start your own threads so as to get responses to your own questions. Thanks!

Thread closed.