Unemployed and having relationship issues

This may all be out of order and hard to follow, please try and stay with me.

 

I graduated from college in the spring and I have been looking for a job from January to April at about 50% since I was still in school chasing a 3.0+ finish [which I achieved ]. From May to August I was searching on a daily basis on the online sites and newspapers. I got a few calls for an interview at the end of the month which I actually had to turn down.

 

At this time my brother switched his work schedule to day time so I could no longer go in for interviews using his car during day light hours on week days. And where I live taxi's would be quite expensive and there are no buses or local shops within a reasonable distance with positions open. I tried the gas stations up the road but I was "too qualified".

 

I have no job, no car, no access to reasonable public transportation, I'm 16,000 in debt on student loans.

 

[intermission 1]

 

At the end of August when my brother switched his work schedule I began working on an old car of his that was uninspected. I replaced all the rusted underbody with new metal, and all I did was work on that car for 2 weeks. Then he tells me it needs new struts to pass inspection. But that would have cost in excess of 500 dollars which he didn't want to put in the car, never mind the labor involved for a car that might still not pass inspection.

 

So at that point I started drinking quite heavily but only for a weekend

 

Now my only option was to talk to my dad about allowing me to borrow money from his retirement account even though he is now disabled and out of work with a lot of medical bills. So I asked my Dad for help and he was A-ok with it seeing as how he bought my brother a car for graduating high school and couldn't afford to do the same for me since he had bankruptcy trouble after my Mothers death.

 

I was talking to my brother about this and he is just stalling trying to look for a new used car for himself since his is malfunctioning electrically [it won't start sometimes with no clear explanation]. This is still ongong with no action. He took 8 months to mail back a set of discs to NetFlix so I don't know what to expect.

 

Now I introduced all that so you can see where I am at. Broke, no job, not much hope at the moment.

 

[intermission 2]

 

When I was in school I made some good buddies and met a girl I liked that was living with her boyfriend at the time. So in that time I was having an alright time, I'm not that outgoing or popular but it was a lot better 4 years than high school.

 

So we all still talk, but I talk to my male friends very little anymore since they are all at work or still in school (about a 1.5 hour drive). Part of the problem is I have nothing to say except for what episode of Roseanne is on at 2pm. The other part is that in usual male fashion they bust my balls for not having a job yet, so my reaction is to cut off contact. I know I need a job and that's all I think about, I don't need anyone else ragging on me about it right now. Am I right in this? I know that if I try to tell them how it makes me feel I will be called a homo or something, just because guys aren't supposed to have emotions and all .

 

My lady friend and I talk on AIM a few times a week while she is at work. We talked a lot at school almost every weekday, and had classes together. When we first had a class together I thought she was pretty but wasn't that interested in her at first, which is a big change in my normal procedure of going head over heels before even talking for the first time. The next semester she would tell me she loved me jokingly in our night class, i guess just to try and make me turn red and awkward.

 

The next year we had classes together again and we teamed up for most of the big group projects. Just as a weird side note: One night her profile showed up in my junk email from a dating service as an 88% match. I told her about it and she smiled and told me all about how she signed up with a bunch of them, nothing major. At this point I had just got over being rejected by an old crush I had for years, I cut ties with that girl since I realized it was a one way relationship and she was leaching me emotionally.

 

Anyways this girl doesn't rag on me quite as hard, almost not at all. I have her cell and home phone numbers but I haven't called since graduation. I don't feel like I should be bothering her on weekends, and I almost never have anything interesting to say, or going on now days. Even though she pretends to be angry if I don't contact her for a long stretch which I have been doing more lately. She also broke up with her boyfriend and moved out and got her own apartment a few months ago.

 

So from all this I am not sure if I should explain to her that I am wanting to start a more serious relationship with her. I am not sure she would accept it due to my situation since I couldn't make the 1.5 hour trip to see her, or if I should wait until I can. Or if I couldn't handle it from all the stress I already have. Who wants to date an unemployed guy?

 

Should I wait until I get a job and a car first? That raises a HUGE fear of her finding another guy before I get a chance.

 

Should I forget about it altogether, although I doubt that is possible for me?

 

Should I go for it now?

 

As far as home goes, do you also think I should be moving out as soon as I can? From the 4 years I have been in college and away from home garbage has piled up all over the place because my brother doesn't finish "projects" and always forgets to take the trash to the road. Projects meaning an unfinished model train table taking up 1/8th of the basement for the past 8 years (I asked him not to do it but what do I know) .

 

Garbage piled on the tree line at the edge of the property (old stove, chairs etc), 7 old cars that have been completely broken down for more than a decade, garbage all around the garage (crushed aluminum cans in the brush bushes).

 

The mess and my brothers laziness are the #1 and #2 reasons why I want to move out so bad, even though I'm just as scared of moving out and not having a good place to live since my starting pay will most likely blow. These combine for #3, I don't want to have this girl come here (or anyone else) and see that mess.

 

When I got home I initially started to clean up the yard and house but I was cut short from a lack of participation and resources. I wanted to get a dumpster to de-clutter the yard and house but my dad and brother were against it even if I did all the work, I just needed a few hundred to rent the dumpster. My dad won't get rid of the cars even though he will never be able to drive again, and they can't be put on the road without 1000's in repairs anyways.

 

Good and Bad news is that my dad will be passing down his inheritance while he is still alive, about June. So I will inherit 50% of a house that I currently do not want to live in , but it would be nice to have later on assuming I can cut through the family-bureaucratic BS to get the repairs and clean up done. That also brings up the issue of property taxes. Should I sell my half to get out of taxes? Should I try and keep my half ownership for later in life. If I move out and keep it I would be paying taxes and rent.

 

Should I move out?

 

Should I wait and see what happens after a few months of having a job?

 

Do I keep my half or sell ? It would be costly but nice to have around later. No saving for a down payment if I can find someone to settle down with, its a pretty good size house (could easily house 6 with some additional work to finish rooms). And the mortgage is paid off.

 

I'm sorry I had to squeeze it all into one post but I'm just out of gas and need to get some other peoples perspectives on this.

In other words, what should you do in about every aspect of your life.

 

OK, got that. You've got about 800 things on your head now, you're seeking direction and trying to define yourself. Great, so here's my two cents worth.

 

What you need more than specific directions are guiding principles. They will help you navigate the confusing waters you are in. And the first guiding principle is to be true to yourself. Do not let others define you by judging you. If guys bust on you for having feelings, for waiting for the right job, etc.., that's their problem, not yours.

 

The second guiding principle is to have an image of where you want to be in the future. Define some goals for yourself, what kind of work you want to do, where you will live and so forth. Having a specific goal will help illuminate the path to get there.

 

The third guiding principle is to put first things first. If your financial situation is most pressing, so define a goal and plan a solution to it first. If you can wait, and family issues are more important right now, so focus on them. You might want to make specific goals in each area of your life and then prioritize them.

 

As for the girlfriend, you wrote

Who wants to date an unemployed guy?

I would urge you to not allow your current economic or residential situation to affect your self-esteem. You will be self-sufficient, you will be secure, so no need to feel insecure about it. You proved your abilities in college, so that should be enough. Let the relationship be about the relationship, not about your lack of a job. Also, I would suggest simply letting the relationship organically grow, rather than having a discussion and deciding to "officially" date. Just make plans to see each other, and be open to whatever happens. No need to push anything, but just show up.

 

And that's a good rule for life. Just show up, and you'll know what to do.