May10

Day 5 NC I feel like I am more anxious now. Hopefully it gets better

44 day of NC, 8 week after break up. July 4th ended and you never called so I guess you made your decision not to meet me. It really hurts. I still miss you and wake up feeling very lonely. I don't know how long it will take for me to become myself again.

7 weeks since break up. 37 day of NC. This week has been rough. I feel like calling you to see if you have considered meeting for this long weekend. I keep hoping you call but I know you wouldn't.

It's been 6 weeks since break up and 30 days of NC. There are days I feel like I am doing better and there are days I feel like a mess. For past few days I have been missing you a lot.

Day 29 NC I woke up feeling very empty and lonely. Overall it's been getting better. Even if I am thinking about you, I can focus at work, cook or do other activities but it's the morning and night when I don't have anything to do, I miss you a lot.

I am sorry you are having a bad day today. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. I have deleted message from my inbox.

It's 27 day of NC. I am trying to keep myself busy but I constantly thinking about you. I am still not used to talking to you, anytime I do something I feel like telling you but I realize that you are not there. I keep wondering do you even miss me?

5 week since break up. 24 day NC. I still dream about you. I still keep dreaming that I called you to meet and you declined. You had said that you will consider meeting me but for now you need some space and time. And I am giving you that in hope that you will say yes. But I don't know how much time to give you before I make that call. I feel like until I call you to follow up, I will keep having the false hope and can't move on. But I know I am not in a state to handle the rejection right now, so I have been avoiding to make that call.

Day 21 I still think about you and what you are doing or if you miss me. But it's getting better. I finally have my appetite back and ate a lot. And I finally cooked since break up. Hope i can keep this going

My ex used to own a dessert/bubble tea store near the apartment I had just moved. The first time I went there he gave me extra ice cream. Second time I went there, he tried to talk to me and again gave me extra. My friend noticed and teased him. My friend and I liked the dessert there so we started going there often. He used to ask me out for coffee and I always declined. I had recently had gotten off from 5 years relationship and I wasn't looking for dating anytime soon. Finally after 5 months of him chasing me, I went out with him. In the beginning of the relationship he did tell me he didn't believe in marriage (don't want kids) and I was okay with that because I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship either. But slowly I started to love him, and I wanted more. He was 33 years old then (9 years older than me), and a workaholic. He is a physical therapist who worked full time and had part time job, own dessert store and whenever he was off he would go traveling. He sold the dessert store and after that I started seeing him less. Sometime he won't text for a week. I sometime travelled with him but if he goes on his own he would disappear. I got frustrated and broke up with him. He didn't say anything or asked me to stay. Later his best friend told me that he still loves me but can't give me what I am looking for so he didn't say anything to me. I went NC. Even though I broke up with him, and I knew what I was getting into before I started dating him, I was still hurt and cried a lot. Later I started dating someone else. Slowly we started texting each other only on special occasion. After 14 months from breakup I meet him, and I realized I still loved him. He said he is willing to change so I broke up with my rebound and started dating my ex. Unfortunately, he didn't change and finally after dating 6 months again I broke up with him. I realized that he is already 36 and still afraid of long term commitment and he wouldn't change. After months I meet someone (my ex that broke up with me and the reason I am I this forum). After a year from second break up, I got a message on my birthday and he asked to meet him. I was already over him so I replied saying thank you but I didn't meet him. Even now after more than 2 years, he still sometime message me.

Day 20 Dreamt of you gain and you have been on mind since I woke up. I thought it was getting better but then next day it feels it's not. Miss you

Day 17 I still miss you and think about you constantly. It's almost a month and it's very hard and painful.

Day 15 of NC. It's been 25 days since I heard you voice but I still miss it. It has gotten better. I don't cry that often. But there is this empty feeling that is always there no matter what I do. You are still consciously or subconsciously on my mind. I still feel like reaching out to you, but the feeling is not so overwhelming like I need to right now. I still think about calling you after few weeks, and still feel sad when I think you might not respond. I sometime think do you even miss me or think about me? I am trying to NC for me to heal but I still hope that you will comeback. But with NC I am afraid that since you chose to break up, you will easily forget me.

Day 14. It feels like forever. I though I was done with crying but I still cried a little after getting home. You just pop up randomly on my thought and make me sad when I think I am doing better.

It been almost 4 week now from break up. I thought the reason you left me doesn't matter because whatever it was you left, and that was it. But today I kept thinking our last conversation. You said you haven't been happy recently and I deserve someone better. At the same time before we hung up you said you still love me and miss me and I wish I was there. I wish you didn't say those things at the end so I could just forget and move on. Since you said you still love me, I keep hoping you will come back. Today I was helping my friend pack because she moving out of country to be with her bf. I kept thinking I was going to start doing that soon. It just made me very sad.