MissCanuck

The important factor here is you're recognizing that your professional life and your personal life are out of balance. Now you can take steps to address it. My dear cousin failed to do so, and was shocked when the day came that his wife told him she wanted a divorce. Even my cousin's own mother tried to warn him that he was short-changing his family (his then-wife and their daughter), but he didn't really seem to get it until it was too late. Their divorce was finalized a couple years ago, and he's with a new partner now. I have noticed that he seems to have found a better balance but it came with a significant cost to his personal life and emotional well-being for a while there.

With respect, I think you might seek out some professional help. It is normal to be moved by these stories and to experience sadness, but the degree to which this is now interfering with your day-to-day life is concerning. It might signal something deeper going on inside you, in other words.

It's been a year, though. It's not "right away." This guy is not the right one for you. He doesn't feel the way you do, and he doesn't know how to tell you that directly. But his choices of words tell you what you need to know.

This is just not realistic right now. You have to get real with yourself, man. It is not possible to try to be friends when you still have feelings for her. Maybe someday once you have moved on it could be possible, but at this time, it's a fool's errand.

Yes, please take the lesson here. You are rubbing salt in your own wounds.

Well, it makes sense. You didn't want this break-up and are desperate to stay in her life in some way. She is able to compartmentalize because she doesn't have the same sense of desperation or fear of loss hanging over her. She's got both you and her ex vying for her time and attention, so she's relaxed. She can pick whomever she wants here so she doesn't need to put things out of her mind, so to speak. That would suggest she is in pain, but she's clearly not. You can't. You are seeing why that doesn't really work. This why we have been telling you that staying close to her is not a good idea right now. It stings when these scenarios don't play out the way you hoped. Please reconsider being her surrogate boyfriend.

I would go back and re-read my own words about her, so that maybe I can understand why everyone is so concerned. You are in denial, in other words. Deep denial. If you genuinely think that changing therapists is going to fix this, you are being willfully naive.

You badly, badly need a backbone. You are so deep in the fog here you don't see how awful your girlfriend's behaviour is. You can't be serious. You don't need to. The facts speak for themselves. All of your posts in this thread indicate as much. You pander to her and enable her behaviour. This is ridiculous. And you seriously think your girlfriend is not threatened by your therapist? Dude, this is not what love looks like.

This is really not about the kitten at all, but rather this woman's unhinged behaviour. I wouldn't do this. It wasn't okay and she needs to get a grip. Telling her it's okay gives her tacit permission to do it again. Instead, I would tell her that the kitten is safe and sound and you're happy to have him in your home. Leave it there. I would also encourage you to not feel like you have to follow this person's orders. Work on saying "no" when someone barks at you like this.

Jesus. Your girlfriend is the one who needs a therapist as she's got some serious issues with insecurity, controlling behaviour, and emotional blackmail. I can - reconsider this relationship. You are seeing some significant red flags here in this woman. Yes, it's that serious. Do you normally have difficulty speaking up for yourself, and has your girlfriend always been this threatened by other people in your life?

Why would you accept full responsibility for ruining anyone else's relationship? Look, this friend of yours is the one who has a duty to preserve the integrity of her relationship by not "cuddling" with others in the first place. You went along with it, yes, but it could not have happened if this woman hadn't opened the door to it. You will learn from this. You won't repeat this in the future. Now try to let it go.

Not really, no. Just make a promise to yourself that you won't do this again. It's definitely not your place, no. Don't insert yourself there. It's up to your friend to deal with this. Eh, if she tries to get in touch with you again to "hang out", be honest with her. Tell her you're not okay with what happened and prefer to leave this friendship be. Otherwise, I wouldn't reach out to her. I would let this fizzle.

I was going to say the same thing. This is pretty normal in the work world, OP. Anyway, the problem here is not actually this man being a dead-end, romantically. The real problem is that you have isolated yourself to the point of having little meaningful contact with others, and it's led you to attach yourself to an online fantasy. In truth, this was always very unlikely to go anywhere. You live on different continents and neither of you appears to have the means to travel internationally much. Your loneliness and craving for contact distracted you from the reality of this situation, but it's a reality that can't be overlooked anymore. I would work on addressing what you can do to get out of your home more, and starting forming better connections locally. I am sorry for this loss, too. I also lost an ex suddenly (many years ago now), so I relate to the feeling. I also understand how hard it can be to starting dating again but it is crucial that we don't let our grief and despair hold us back to this extent. Have you had help in processing this loss?

The good news here is that your moral compass is working quite well. No, you shouldn't have cuddled with her regardless of what she told you about her relationship boundaries, but you do recognize now that it wasn't cool and shouldn't have happened. A lot of people would still try to excuse away this behaviour but I see that you have the insight to understand your role in this. I personally would keep your distance from this young lady. Her claims that her girlfriend would be fine with this are dubious. I doubt it will land well that she was cuddling with a woman she was attracted to, and not just a close friend (which would also be a bit weird, frankly) She's got some growing up to do before she will be ready for a true commitment, because at the moment,she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Don't get caught in the cross-fire of her relationship. If and when she becomes single, you might reconsider, but for now, I wouldn't keep her as a friend. It's too slippery a slope and she sounds self-serving. That wouldn't end well for you.

She beat you to it, though. She decided to break up with you and explore things with him again. There isn't something here for you to give up on when she's already opted out. She needs to want to fight for it, too. At the moment, this is a one-sided fight, because she has already stepped out of the ring. She's gone off to another ring to see if her former relationship is worth fighting for. Who cares what your ex-wife would think? And there is a difference between being harsh and selfish, and not waiting on the sidelines while your ex has play-time with her ex. Yes, this much is very clear. Take care of yourself, OP. As time passes, this will get a little easier to accept.