I was right.
In the past month I’ve traveled further down the rabbit hole. I have peeled back all the layers of the onion.
I was right.
It would’ve never worked out. My gut told me this a long time ago. I did not listen to it, instead I entangled my emotions, my love, and my world with you. Yet, along the way I duplicitously continued to drag my feet and is more than likely why we both are where we are today – not together. I didn’t understand it at the time. I made a lot of excuses for the shortcomings in the relationship, both yours and mine.
You were right.
This was my first long term relationship. Perhaps it was a function of my cautious nature, but at the same time I do need to learn to love more, get more in touch with my intimate side, to understand how important that is to cultivating a relationship.
Regardless, what you “needed” could not be provided by any one person as you have managed to convince yourself. You came from a tough upbringing, far more difficult than people can possibly understand. However, happiness does not come from how other people make you feel or how your body looks. True happiness comes internally. You just don’t know any better.
I was right.
All those times I was scorned for being too cautious of some of the people you surrounded yourself with. Yet, if you’re honest with yourself and you look back at all those failed friendships and people who screwed you over - you’ll see the truth. People you once told me I was wrong about, you now hate. I mean c’mon now.
I was right.
Right now you feel like you’re right. You feel like you had absolutely no role in this. You’re riding the emotional high of a person who pumped your ego up over the past couple of months as your body transformed. You’re riding the emotional high of a person who sold you a dream. How quickly your love and emotions transferred over to him is alarming. You lied, you denied, you deflected, and attempted to "soften" the real story. You just don’t know any better. You were never taught any better. You know it, I know it. Rinse, recycle, repeat.
I will be right.
You’ve chosen a lifestyle and career chalk full of narcissism, body dysmorphia, substance abuse, and addiction. It is not normal to put your body thru what you are. All in the name of what, a trophy? Satisfaction from people oogling over your body? Is that where true happiness with one’s self lies? It does not. You’ll soon learn this. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but in time. And when it hits you like a 2,000 pound brick, I will be long gone. There was no way I could’ve followed you into that world, no matter how much I tried to convince myself towards the end. Your core values are simply not a match to mine.
I was right.
Don’t get me wrong. This hurt like a son of a b*tch. I feel like I’ve had to ween myself off some powerful medicine. There were days when I felt like I had woken up without one of my arms. There wasn’t a single aspect of my day that you didn’t touch, as I’m still constantly reminded. I even nearly bought you an engagement ring, but in the end…
I was right.