The Inner Turmoil of Loving Two: Navigating the Complications of a Bi-Sexual Marriage

It can be a difficult and self-confronting experience when you discover that your sexual identity doesn’t fit the tidy, prescribed notion of what marriage is supposed to look like. It’s one thing to marry as a heterosexual. It’s another to marry as a bisexual individual, a label that society still only just beginning to understand and recognize as valid. Navigating the turbulent waters of maintaining a conventional marriage while publicly expressing a divergent part of your identity is a precarious dance. But it’s not an impossible one, and with understanding and awareness, it could be an enlightening experience for both parties involved.

The user question posited by this post is about a bi-sexual man who is trapped in a sexless marriage, longing for another male partner to fulfill his desires. His instinctual cravings have compelled him to do some soul-searching and ask himself a list of important questions regarding his identity and his expectations of marriage. What his motives are, are hard to assess - some may come from a place of need, while others may be merely motivated by curiosity and adventure. Regardless, he has insecurities and doubts - the key is to acknowledge and accept the ambivalence that comes with challenging the traditional notions of marriage.

It is probable that, as with any relationship, there are always going to be issues of communication and transparency between two parties. We, as human beings, are forever changing, and we’re constantly reevaluating our wants and desires as we mature. This shift in attitudes, feelings and degree of comfort need to be shared with a long-term partner if the relationship is going to thrive and survive.

However, the user should not feel guilty for thinking outside the norms of their gender identity or their marriage. Rather than be ashamed or coerced into a certain kind of behavior, they must be open and honest with themselves and their partner about any possibility of deepening their connection with another individual. If the conversation evolves and is embraced by both parties, then this could be an opportunity to develop a deeper level of intimacy within the marriage. Even if it’s via an open relationship - as long as transparency and trust is maintained, relationships of these kinds can be just as healthy as more traditional ones.

Being married to someone who identifies as bi-sexual doesn’t mean there has to be a battle against temptations and secrecy. Instead, it can open up conversations and ways of being that weren’t intentionally explored prior to the acknowledgment of the user’s sexuality. It can bring a newfound closeness and understanding to the marriage, as well as recognizing and embracing the diversity present within intimate relationships.

The user should be aware that any decision made isn’t one to be taken lightly. Perhaps talking through how a new kind of relationship may look and feel would help, as well as considering each other’s boundaries and expectations. Of course, learning to communicative effectively with each other is essential, as are learning to listen and to articulate with your partner. That way, a mutual understanding can be established that allows each person to express themselves freely while feeling safe and respected in the relationship.

This user’s situation is deeply personal, and the only way through is to really listen to and trust their own truth. Once that trust is fostered and mutual understanding is reached, then the user will begin to find compassion and understanding for the difficult situation that they’re facing. Only then will the complexities of their marriage begin to unravel and reveal a path forward.