Socializing Secrets: How to Make Friends and Influence People

We all want people to like us. We want to be popular and we want people to recognize us for who we are and appreciate it. No matter what your age or background, getting other people to like you is a challenge, but with the right strategies, it is possible. In this article, we will discuss some behaviors that are more effective than others at creating new relationships, the different types of liking, and how to maximize both your popularity and uniqueness.

At first meetings with someone, it can easily be assumed that people do not like each other as much as they actually do. They may be honored or embarrassed by meeting someone new, outwardly showing very little in the way of emotion. Or, when we meet someone whom we know has tremendous social media clout or looks attractive, we may be overwhelmed and unable to act “normal.” As a result, we create very inaccurate judgments about each other in these brief encounters.

There are two overall types of liking: popularity and unique liking. Agentic behavior – coming off as confident and dominant – drives up popularity. This type of behavior often increases one's status in a group, but it would be a mistake to rely on it every time. When communicating with a single person, agentic behavior can often be interpreted as being egotistical or arrogant, and therefore prevent results in terms of unique liking. Instead, people should focus on exhibiting communal behavior – warmth and friendliness – which increases both levels of appreciation.

To foster unique liking, one might consider acting in such positive ways as:

• Being supportive and unwavering in your interest in the person. By evincing genuine attention and care for the other person, you demonstrate your loyalty.

• Be a good listener. Understanding the inner workings of an individual helps build mutual respect. To be a great listener, pay attention to details, keep an open mind and withhold judgment.

• Stay humble without apologetically putting yourself down. Being humble allows you to be relatable, but being too humble can make the other person feel uncomfortable.

• Avoid bragging and condescension at all costs. No one likes a showoff and that only serves to estrange people.

• Do something special to show your appreciation of their strengths. Acknowledge what you admire about the person and be sincere in telling them.

By following the above behaviors, one can increase the likelihood of forming meaningful connections with other people – whether the ultimate outcome becomes a long-term friendship or a job opportunity. however, there should still be some effort spent on managing our own expectations. We shouldn't expect that everyone we meet will become our best friend or think of us in a highly favorable light immediately; it takes a longer term investment in true friendship.

As you work to increase your appeal and connect with others, keep in mind some of these proven tactics and harness your emotional intelligence. Remember that while certain behaviors aid in boosting the probability of connection, it ultimately comes down to investing the time and effort necessary to nurture any relationship.