Resilience – The Lynchpin of Lasting Relationships

Have you noticed why some relationships last for a breathlessly long time, longer than a lifetime, while others dissolve into oblivion in mere moments? What is the secret sauce, or the lynchpin if you will, that perpetuates relationships? Resilience.

The enduring power of resilience is not to be overlooked in relationships. The ability to withstand and rebound from the obstacles that life throws our way – be it mental, physical, and emotional – keeps relationships strong and healthy. Couples who possess resilience have the capability to work through even the most difficult of moments; one-syllable words and actions thusly don’t originate from blame and accusation, but rather understanding, empathy and sincere care, something that strengthens the relationship further. As such, resilience can be viewed as a piece of string that ties together two souls and creates the fabric of a powerful relationship accord.

And yet, the power of resilience is often underrated, tossed aside in favour of superficial pursuits like fancy dinners and lavish gifts, which rarely hold up during the truly turbulent times. By contrast, resilience, that truest of traits, endures and ensures that both partners move forward, together. As they gain new experiences and forge ahead, they learn more about each other, and learn to solve disputes better. Sure enough, couples who adopt resilient behaviour and mindsets find themselves equipped to traverse the times of strife and separation that often accompany intense relationships.

So how do you cultivate resilience in relationships? In brief, it requires trust, communication and understanding. By showing your partner what you believe in, standing behind your views, and proving that you trust them completely, your relationship can become much stronger. Furthermore, communicating openly and honestly, maintaining a level of reciprocating understanding, and offering unconditional support through good and bad times, allows for the psychological safety that bolsters courage and resilience.

Moreover, it should be noted that perfection does not flourish in resilience. Instead, resilience must learn to accept imperfections, blurs and mistakes, as these will inevitably occur. It is in these moments that true development and understanding occurs, which may be uncomfortable, but resiliency offers the system of security that is necessary to grant those involved the opportunity to experiment and explore with less fear of criticism or judgement.

The fundamental message here is that instead of engaging in an endless cycle of blame and resentment - something that may easily crop up when we misunderstand or misinterpret another’s actions - resilient partners understand that mistakes are normal; that they are ultimately opportunities to learn, grow, and strive to make better decisions in the future. As Winston Churchill once said, “continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.” Put another way, the bright colour of resilience is sure to illuminate the waters of any relationship along its course, creating an unbreakable bond between those who commit to each other, and to their own growth.