Can I Maintain a Friendship With My Best Friend After Falling in Love?

Dear eNotAlone: I don't know where else to turn. I'm in a really difficult spot because the person I have fallen for is my best friend. We've known each other since we were young, since second grade to be exact. We've been best friends since then and now here I am, 25 years later, trying to figure out what to do about it.

We get along so well, near perfectly in fact. We finish each other's thoughts, make each other laugh, spend hours talking about anything and everything - nothing is off limits. We're so open with each other that it's almost like I can read his mind. A lot of times we connect on a level that I don't think I've ever experienced before.

What complicates matters is that he is in a relationship. She's a great girl and I deeply respect her, but in my heart of hearts, I know I'm in love with him. It has been on my mind for a few months now, but I can't bring myself to actually tell him. I'm worried that if I do, I'll hurt our friendship and he'll never be able to look at me in the same way again. I don't know what to do or say, and I don't want to destroy something that has been so special to both of us.

People often call us ‘inseparable' but deep down I know our friendship could never be the same if I tell him the truth. I'm really confused what to do; I don't want to lose him or the friendship that we have. Please help me! What should I do?

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It sounds like you are in a challenging and confusing situation. Perhaps even more complicated by the fact that your friend is already in a relationship. It can be hard when strong feelings for someone come forth, especially when it is someone who you already shared a close connection with. It's understandable how you would feel uncertain of how to proceed given how close the two of you were as friends.

Before tackling the situation head on however, it is important to take time to examine what these emotions really are. While they may seem like they are love, they might not actually be. It can be easy to mistake strong admiration or a longing to be close to someone as romantic love when in fact it is not. Co-dependency can play a role in feeling strong emotions for another. There is a difference between intimate love and platonic love after all.

That being said though, it does sound as though you have tried to analyze the situation; however, you still remain unsure. It's understandable how you would be feeling hesitant to tell him because it may cause a big disruption to your relationship and might lead you to feel even more heartache if you disclose your feelings and they aren't reciprocated.

Since you mentioned that the two of you have had a strong relationship since childhood, it may be worth seeing if there is any way to still maintain it. This could potentially involve talking to him about setting an understanding between the two of you which allows you both to express your feelings without any expectations. This might also be an opportunity to practice healthy communication; as you've had such an open relationship since you were children, and this could help to build a good foundation and strengthen your friendship allowing you both to move forward no matter what the outcome.

It is important to remember that whatever happens, you can come out the other side. While friendships do not always last, some do. Take your feelings and experiences as a chance to learn and grow. Realize that it is possible to share intimate conversations, meaningful moments and simple companionship with friends as well.