Family Life: Apartment Living

Excerpted from
The City Parent Handbook : The Complete Guide to the Ups and Downs and Ins and Outs of Raising Young Kids in the City
By Kathy Bishop, Julia Whitehead

Far too many city families end up leaving town for the burbs because the idea of raising their kids in the same locale where they sowed their wild oats is just too much of a mental leap for them to handle. Or maybe they give it a try and then flee in disgust after too many 10-block schleps to get baby to the nearest swing or a few too many visits from Mr. Bonaduce next door who's complaining yet again about Briana's colicky crying. But we're here to say that finding the perfect neighborhood, the perfect family-friendly building, and, yes, the perfect neighbors is eminently doable. Follow our lead, and you'll not only have all that, but your family will be a little more perfect too.

TROLLING FOR HOUSING-THE INS AND OUTS
OF FINDING URBAN FAMILY HOUSING

Before you deal with all the quirks of living in urban housing, you first need to know how to find a place that will work for your family. It won't be hard but, as they say, the devil is in the details. Failing to consider some of the finer points today can mean getting caught short 3 months or 3 years down the road when the impact of your inattention hits home. In broad strokes, you'll need to:

1. Research the neighborhood, before, not after, the fact. (And that does mean thinking about school options, even if Raven is still in diapers.)

2. Pick a family-friendly building, or at least understand the consequences of not doing so.

3. Inspect the apartment really, really thoroughly, with your current and future family in mind.

Location, Location, Location -
Sleuthing the Neighborhood

In your prior incarnation as a happy-go-lucky single or couple, worrying about the area you lived in might have seemed wholly unimportant. As long as there was a bar nearby with a hopping scene, you were set. But you're in a family way now, and distance and accessibility have just become A VERY BIG DEAL.

When you have a child at the hip, you're well advised to factor in family-friendly characteristics when evaluating areas. Keep in mind the facility with which you can move around your city. New Yorkers, for instance, who live in a relatively compact city, take their kids uptown, downtown, and crosstown without batting an eye; but in LA, where many minutes of freeway driving separate one neighborhood from another, you need to look more carefully at what you have in the few blocks around your home.

Perhaps you'll choose to live with some family inconveniences-say, poor access to public transportation or less-than-generous secondary services like dry cleaners, supermarkets, and drugstores. But at least if you're forewarned, you can start working on a realistic plan to access what your neighborhood doesn't provide-especially, especially, especially with regard to schools. The angst that city parents go through in getting and keeping their kids in school can be greatly mitigated by preliminarily investigating the public and private school options in a potential new neighborhood. (For suggestions on how to do this, see chapter 11, "Getting Off to a Great Start.")

The following list of subjects is meant to guide you in your search for the perfect 'hood. No doubt you'll have your own issues you'll want addressed (say you're a runner and can't live without access to a good outdoor path, or a yogi who wants classes nearby).

Education. It may not feel so urgent when little Janie's primary educational focus is grabbing the beak on Big Bird, but if you plan on staying in your dwelling for the long haul, you absolutely must think about the school options now. And not just the preschool and elementary years, but also middle school and even later. Key words to consider are: quality, location, availability, choice, and cost. What do you have to do to get in? What are the test scores of your local public elementary school? How about programs for younger kids: Are there accessible toddler (and pretoddler, if you're so inclined) options -art, music, physical activity, language? Check the Ys, churches, and franchises such as Gymboree. What about day care, if that's something you need and want-is it in the neighborhood or en route to work?

Getting around. Are you going to be sitting in the car for two hours a day just to secure a parking spot? Or is there adequate (and affordable) parking? How about access to public transportation? Remember, just because you have (and need) a car doesn't mean your babysitter will. Keep in mind the places you want to go to: If you commute east and the public transportation in your area is only north and south, you'll need to figure out what transfers will add to your day. Ditto for getting the kids to school and back as well as to any of their other activities.

Daily errands. Never underestimate the value of proximity to milk, bread, and diapers. Also, if food is really important to you, think about how close you are to greengrocers, butchers, fish markets, and bakeries. And don't forget the less-glamorous essential services-dry cleaner, drugstore/pharmacy (24-hour and regular hours), shoe repair, deli (for quick pickups), and fast food for delivery (pizza, ethnic).

Entertainment. Reading: Is a public library branch nearby (and is it good or bad)? What about bookstores? Playgrounds: One is essential; a variety is a nice benefit. Consider state of repair, whether it has a sprinkler (highly desirable in summer months), and age orientation (toddlers only or will it be good for them when they're older too?). Park/nature spots: Is there a place to ride bikes, picnic, in-line skate, run? Do nearby parks have special public events like plays and concerts? Family restaurants: What's available for eat-in/eat-out with kids? Museums: Check out all your options big and small, weekend hours, extended hours, kids' programs.

Crime. Ask your real estate agent or local police precinct for crime stats. Then stop cops on the street and ask them about the neighborhood. They're often willing to give you specifics about which blocks to avoid.

The City Parent Rules

How to Get the Neighborhood Inside Skinny

Rule #1: Ask around. Word-of-mouth is a great launching pad as long as you keep in mind, always, that it is completely subjective.

Rule #2: Visit the neighborhood at different times. Maybe this seems obvious, but you can really get a feel for how the area ticks if you see it in action at various hours of the day, weekend and workweek. The critical times for great family-watching include right before school (7:30-8:30 A.M. in the North and East; 7:00-8:00 A.M. in the South, Midwest, and West Coast), when school's out (noon, 3-5 P.M., depending on age), and afternoons at local parks and playgrounds. These time periods are particularly enlightening. You can really see who your neighbors are (and who's taking care of their kids) as well as get a sense of the tempo and tenor of the neighborhood. How many families are out strolling about on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon? What's the mix and rapport between them and childless folks- is it comfortable or does one group seem out of place? Where are families going- which restaurants, stores-and how are they received?

Rule #3: Trot over to the neighborhood park/playground. Unless your apartment is palatial-and even if it is-your younger youngsters will be spending lots of their waking hours there. Ideally, the local tot hotspot will have options for various ages-infant and toddler areas (look for swings with baby seats and sandboxes) as well as plenty of climbing equipment and slides for the older kids (remember to check the state of repair; if it's not good, you can try and find out from the locals or whoever s in charge at the city's parks department if it's slated for renovation).

And here, voyeurism goes a long way. Estimate the ratio of moms to nannies during the week. That might yield important information, depending on whether you or a caregiver will be taking your child to the park. What do the parents act like? Are there tons of them? Are they interacting with one another? Are there nanny klatches? All of these behaviors are clues to the type of parents and families living in the 'hood. And don't forget weekends-are the families still there, or did they all decamp for their country houses?

Rule #4: Google it. Many cities' Web sites- Dallas (dallascityhall.com), New York (nyc.gov), and Boston (cityofboston.gov) among them-have specific tools to help you research neighborhoods, providing a remarkably efficient way of figuring out school districts, crimes, park areas, and more for any area that catches your fancy.

The Family-Friendly Building

Maybe you've scored a single-family residence, in which case much of this section won't pertain to you. But if you find yourself looking at any kind of multifamily arrangement, pay attention. Finding that kid-friendly apartment building provides a lot more benefits than you might think. Does it really make a difference? Let's put it this way: Does a kid-friendly babysitter, teacher, or pediatrician make a difference?

Granted, we recognize that finances, time constraints, and the real estate market can puncture the airy dreams of housing seekers. But if you are lucky enough to have a choice, you should seriously consider the reasons why a family building will serve you well.

First of all, misery loves company. Unlike the suburbs, where people with similar backgrounds and income levels generally gravitate to the same neighborhoods, in a city, next-door neighbors can easily be mentally, socially, and economically worlds apart. But as much as you tell yourself that this exciting urban mix is one of the best things about living in the city, it doesn't seem as attractive when the childless-by-choice couple in apartment 6B, with their Biedermeier furniture, Klimt paintings, and fin de siècle objets d'art, asks you to remove little Homer's finger painting from your front door because it disturbs the aesthetic of your shared hallway. It's possible that, after a hard day at work, they may find Homer's in-your-face elevator banter to be, well, just a tad intrusive, particularly if he chooses to bring his "outside" voice in. And, as cute as all your friends tell you little Tonya is, don't assume that those golden-agers-finally enjoying their hard-earned moments of peace after 30 years of feeding, clothing, schlepping, and paying up the wazoo for their own children-will appreciate having to start all over again dealing with yours.

Here's a City Parent axiom: If you're the only family living in a building, you are going to stand out in ways you really can't control and your family antics will be scrutinized and clucked over endlessly. Trust us, it will happen. Kids are definitely louder, messier, and more unruly than adults. At some point, all city kids WILL irritate the neighbors.

All things being equal, or nearly so, why not choose a place where you feel comfortable and fit in right from the start? In buildings where there is a decent percentage of families, yours will just be another glorious brick in its dynamic social architecture. No need to blend in with the woodwork: The solidarity that comes from living among other families goes a long way to counteract the natural (and understandable) bias that people have when living with little ones who are not theirs.

The second reason why a family building will serve you well is related to the first: There's safety (and joy) in numbers. There's a lot to be said for friendships, or at least acquaintanceships, developed out of propinquity. In case of emergency, neighbors with children can be excellent sources of spur-of-the-moment child care. Most of them will be sympathetic to the midnight knock of a desperate parent cradling one child who's on the way to the emergency room and proffering another who's in need of a temporary home-after all, the time may come when they can use a helping hand, in return.

On the social plane, having families with children in your building is just plain fun-for you and for the kids. Children get instant playmates and another play space when they're stir-crazy from inclement weather. Moreover, pals in the building provide a valuable life experience for city kids. To the 6-and-under set, being able to run across the hall or up and down a few flights of stairs to their friend's "house" may be the closest they'll come to experiencing the freedom enjoyed by their suburban counterparts. In fact, a Sacramento study showed kids preferred apartment living over other types and concluded that kids "may view apartment complexes as having a greater sense of community than in the empty streets of many suburban neighborhoods." And more often than not, the parents end up enjoying socializing with their building "friends" over a glass of wine at the end of the day (remember, nobody has to drive home) while the kids are running amok.

There are other advantages to living in a kid-friendly residence. Many buildings organize kiddie events like Halloween and Easter egg hunts, which make city holidays a much safer and more entertaining proposition. Plus, if you're the chatty type or if the building has a bulletin board, you can swap local parenting advice (the scoop on schools, restaurants, nannies who work in the neighborhood, extracurricular activities, and the like). The skyscraper's the limit.

Evaluating the Apartment

CITY SAVVY
	Build a Better Building
Just because your building doesn't have any organized children's events doesn't mean it can't. Take a little initiative. It's really easy to leave a note under your fellow parents' doors or posted in the elevator. If there's a relatively high degree of interest, go as a group to the managing agent or landlord with your suggestions or plan. Chances are they'll be accommodating, particularly if you take on the organizing.

Happily, knowing how to seek out and secure family-friendly apartment digs is as much science as art. The "City Parent Tipsheet" on page 10 identifies the apartment variables most important to a family and should come in handy when checking out whether a building will be right for yours. By the way, we assume that if you are a buyer you have also done the necessary due diligence on price, building financial condition, percentage of owners versus renters, etc. If this sounds like some dead language to you, do yourself a favor and get a book on buying an apartment, go online, and do the basic research that you would for any major investment.

Home Sweet Home - Evaluating the Apartment

So, you're totally into the neighborhood, the building seems fabulous-now you're down to checking out the actual apartment. We trust you know yourself well enough to have already made the basic tradeoffs-space, light, neighborhood quality, building quality, and cost-but when you're securing space for a family, particularly if the "family" is only a gleam in your eye at this point, there are a couple of special subtle and not so subtle unit considerations that should be high up in your decision-making process.

Space. First, there is never enough of it in the city for families. Whatever you estimated as the minimum amount of closet space (for clothes, equipment, cleaning supplies) will be insufficient, so think ahead when the broker cavalierly says you can buy armoires to supplement the broom closet that passes as the apartment's one and only enclosed storage space. Second, don't ignore room count if you have more than one child. We'd swap one large one for two tiny kids rooms any day because at some point, they all want their own space (though there's good reason to have them share bedrooms until they do). At least make sure that you have a decent way of dividing a room to accommodate a growing population-unless you're completely certain of your family size.

Apartment condition. Look at the physical characteristics of the apartment with an eagle eye. Problems get magnified because your kids will be spending so much time in the apartment. Lack of light is more oppressive, water drips more annoying, and lead paint more dangerous than you'd otherwise think.

If you are renting, you also want to be sure that you are not blamed for physical damage that was there before your kids became residents. If you don't have a before-the-fact record, you won't have a leg to stand on when you're trying to get that security deposit back. So protect yourself. Sometime before the apartment is legally yours, take a formal, written damage inventory, accompanied by videotape if possible. It's only an hour out of your day, and it may save you a lot of money and aggravation later. Just be sure to send this assessment to the landlord after you move in so you are on record as to the way things were before your little tykes went to town.

Some specific defects to watch out for:

. Pesticide smell. The chemicals are not good for your kids, and if you can smell it, somebody may have felt there was a big enough problem to really douse the place.

. Broken window seals/evidence of water stains/humid "feel"/swelling plaster/ separation of baseboards from floor. Any or all of these might indicate that the apartment, or the building, has a mold problem.

. Recent repainting/renovation. In an older building, any kind of fix-up work can create potentially harmful lead paint problems if proper procedures weren't followed; at least ask.

Physical relationship to other units. Most apartment buildings tend to be developed in a line plan-that is, apartments above and below are the same configuration, so bedrooms, kitchens, and living rooms all stack up. That's a good thing. It means that your kid's room is probably not over the adult master bedroom downstairs-but check it out anyway, because there are plenty of

CITY SAVVY
	The Best Time to Check Out a Potential Apartment ...
... is when the neighbors are home! Ideally, go during the dinner hour if you can swing it (even later would be better, but you'll have to dance a little to come up with a plausible reason for that intrusion) so that you can assess the noise transfer between your unit and the ones above and below.