Exploring the Tough Balancing Act of Aging Parents and their Adult Children

Whether you are a parent or an adult child, the dynamics change as you age. This can be especially challenging if a son or daughter hasn’t found their footing yet and is leaning on parents too much for in things like financial support. It's natural for a parent to want to enjoy their “Golden Years" free from the same famililar parenting roles and responsibilities. But if a parent is tired of helping their adult son or daughter, does that make the parent a bad person?

This tough balancing act is one of the more common struggles aging parents face with their adult children. The adult children may feel abandoned or judged for not being where they think they should be at their age, while the parents feel overwhelmed and neglected. Often, both parties feel guilty and misunderstood. While there is no one-size-fits-all fix, there are steps that aging parents can take to establish a healthy connection and get the help they need.

One of the most empowering tools aging parents have is setting boundaries and leading with accountability. It is important for the parents to clearly define how much financial or emotional help they can provide — and stick to it. For instance, if a parent is ready to move out of their home and want to reduce their living expenses, making sure their adult son or daughter knows that isn’t an option to avoid unnecessary or excessive costs and keep themselves in a better financial situation.

While setting boundaries can strive to protect the parent’s physical, emotional and finacial wellbeing, it is crucial to ask for help in a way that shows respect and works in the best interests of both parties. Help can come in many forms: setting up a budget, creating a list of budget-balancing activities, or simply having a conversation to make sure there is mutual understanding. Asking assistance or guidance from a trusted family member, friend, or counselor can also be beneficial.

It’s also important to acknowledge that life can be unpredictable and times of difficulty or failure can occur for the adult son or daughter — and, ultimately, for the parents as well. This can be difficult for children to accept and parents may struggle in deciding how much and what kind of help is actually required. In these cases, encouraging creativity, giving gentle advice, and celebrating small successes can often be more encouraging than providing tangible solutions or putting too much pressure on the adult child.

Above all else, it is essential for parents to remember that their love is unconditional, regardless of any temporary difficulties that might arise. Evaluating where the family is at and how support can be provided in meaningful ways is key. Aging parents and their adult children have the unique opportunity to use this time to come together and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Both parents and adult children must realize that there is no easy solution — but an honest and open dialogue on both sides can create an opportunity to understand each other and form a mutual respect. It may take a bit of patience and trial-and-error but the effort to find a balance between a parent’s “Golden Years” desires and a son or daughter’s needs will pay off in the end.