Does he really love me?

Ok, this is for all the expert love advice givers out there!!!

Basically, I have been in love with this guy for 2 years now, he was my ex(of 2 years ago!!)'s best mate and after he broke up with me, me and this guy started kinda seeing each other. Then things got a little weird and I didn't talk to him for a month. I then saw him at this club and found out he had a girlfriend now. I was so angry at him, but the guy is just so fine and charming, I told him I wanted to kiss him and he took me backstage .. we carried this on for the last year and a half, arguing and getting back together all the time he was with his girl and I had a couple of boyfriends, to be honest there hasn't been one boyfriend that I've had in the last 2 years that I haven't cheated on with this guy.

Anyways, we had a massive row in May of this year and hadn't spoken until my best friend got drunk and ended up going to this club and phoning his mobile to ask him if he could get us in (he co-owned it!) in November. He didn't answer and so we left. A couple of days later, I got a text to my phone from him, saying that he'd changed his number but he still turned on his old phone sometimes and had gotten my best mates message on his answer machine! Very embarrassing and had to apologise deeply! So we arranged to meet. I knew this was a bad idea, as one thing always led to another whenever we saw each other, cos the chemistry between us is so intense and amazing.

We had never gotten serious before. He was still with the same girlfriend and I had a man too, but for the first time ever, at this meeting, he opened up to me and told me how he felt about me. He told me that he'd always loved me, no matter what and just before he left, we kissed.

It was decieded that he would break up with his girl and I was to break up with my man and we were gonna make a proper go of it. We agreed soon after, in the first weeks of us being together that we were gonna be together forever and we were going to get married. He is my soul mate and even through all the shit that's happened now I still believe it.

So after a couple of weeks, we slept together for the first time. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, what not before?? But no. That was our first time and it was amazing and perfect.

Couple of weeks later, he stopped talking to me. Nothing. No calls, no texts no anything. Just complete cut off. Nto answering any of mine and so on ... So I eventually got hold of him after 2 weeks of being ignored and I know he was having problems at home and he used this as an excuse to break up with me.

I was so hurt and angry that I started dating his housemate, much (apparently) to his annoyance ... but anyways, I went round to his house 2 weekends ago and ended up sleeping with the guy again, he told me that he regreted breaking up with me and that he loved me and was just screwed up (in the meantime, I'd found out that he was part of a huge drug ring and took steroids - though he never had ever taken serious drugs .. ie the ones he sold) but it didn't seem to matter to me. I was so in love with him I didn't care what he did or what, I love him.

Got home and was banned from seeing him by my mother (I'm 18 but still live at home you see!), which was fine, cos I was still talking to him adn he insisted that he get me a new sim card so that he contacted me on that phone and not the one my mother was monitoring. Which he did.

So last Friday, had amazingly loving conversation with him, talked about me moving outta home after my a-levels and getting to see him again. However, after Friday nothing. iIt's the following Saturday today. That's a week. No contact or anything. Trust me when I tell you this is a short story of events, although it doesn't seem like one! But I'm not sure whether I can go through this again.

He's promised that in a couple of months he will go straight and everything will be cool, but now I'm doubting whether we will be together that long.

I have tried calling him and everything but he doens't seem to answer to me, although I know that his best friend speaks to him everyday. It's my birthday tomorrow, and I ahven't heard anything in relation to me possibly seeing him or anything and the following Monday it's our 2 year (since we first kissed) and I told him that I didn't care about my birthday (as long as I got a call!!) but I wanted to see him on that day, but I just don't know whtether I can do this anymore. It takes so much energy out of me to keep loving him and giving so much adn getting nothing in return, but I don't want to be with anyone else. The thought makes me feel sick because no-one else is him, and no one will ever compare to the way I feel about him. I know that he is "the one" for me, and he says that I am too, and that him not contacting me, I know, is just the way he is. But it doesn't work for me. I'm at my wits end and I don't know whether to keep with him, or just leave him, even if the advice is to leave him, I'm not sure whether I can.

I ahve never loved anyone like I do him, or feel as loved when I'm with him, it's without him that's the problem. What do i do??

If you've managed to get through all this mess then please give me soem advice! Trust me this is the short story so ....

But please!

Reading all of this.. I am not quite sure what to say, than like you mentioned is leave him...

I obviously see that you are giving it your all and doing everything he wants because you love him and you want to give him everything because you love him. Yet, it is clear to see that he just comes around when he wants something and leaves whenever he feels like it. And that is not the way to be, that is not a relationship.. especially when he chooses always to avoid you for a while before coming back to you. My advice to you- is that you have no choice but to leave him. It's all you can do, because it isn't fair for you to keep up the things you are doing and to stand and wait for him all the time!! That's messed up ) I am sure he feels something for you.. but it probably isn't the same on to what you feel towards him. Most of what he says is crap just to keep you to him.

Trust me he is not your "soul" mate if he was.. things would certainly not be like this or even close to this situation you are going through. Love is not ment to hurt and bring you down. We all go through a hard relationship where we become blinded and believe the partner we are with is our destined soul mate, but usually at the end they are not, making it hard for us to leave them because we are so eager to love.Sure it was nice while it lasted .. but its obvious and the picture is clear that he isn't for you.

You need to leave him, and for once maybe ignore him for a change. Doing this will not be easy trust me, I know from loving someone that I once thought was the one for me. (And I gave him everything) but he obviously isn't to considerit of your feelings because he always picks up and leaves .. comes back .. says the things he needs to and he is back in game.

Leave him, or els you will get hurt even worst and be very unhappy. It won't be easy.. it might take a very long time to finally get over him, but once you do.. you will view world with another set of eyes... take from what you have experience with him as a life lesson.. and soon you eill be able to date other men that one day you will find to love just like you did him... if not even more. It sounds like you can never love another one like him, but you will.. just don't be in a rush of things.. take things slow enjoy life and don't ever have a man bring you down .. and make you his dog that constantly waits around for him and obiedently do everything for him.

IM WITH GERMANANGEL THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO. ONLY SO MUCH OF YOURSELF YOU CAN GIVE. UNTIL YOUR ALL GIVED OUT.

Well this is a very intresting relationship. I have been through alot, and yet I have nothing to tell ya. Except that you need to get over him. Obviously hes just using you for something, and that something I wouldn't know yet. But I just say forget him. Move on. He's gonna try and keep bringing you down till you go down with him. Or you can do something else. Then next time you see him, lay down rules for your relationship and see if that works out. And give him like a couple of weeks/months to do it, and if he doesn't then just break up with him. There are alot of guys out there, and some of them are different and the same .... you just gotts look for them! So I give ya good luck, and hope everything works out wit cha!

I know how you feel, i have been in the same place where you are at now,

you may be in love with him and thats what it sounds like, but he may not be in love with you. you should just accept that and move on, i know its hard to just have him push you aside and then act like every thing is ok and that he didnt do anything worng to hurt you, but he did and if he does it once he'll do it again and he proved that, this guy you love sounds alot like my dad, i know that sounds funny but my dad did the same thing to my mom as this guy is doing to you, and even after 20 years of not beeing with my dad my mom still admits that she loves him, and i, like i said, have been in the same old game that you and him are playin now, its been 2 years that have gone by with out beeing with the guy that i thought was the one for me and i still cry at night because i still love him but he dosent love me back. i figured that he was the one for me but i wasnt the one for him. and i guess that is also true in your case, trust me it will be hard and it will be a lonly trip until you relize that you desreve better then someone who is never there, and just think if he does this to you now, what would happen if he had your baby? im sure you wouldnt want to put your child trough that too. but one day you will find some one who loves you and wants to be there and is there.......your only 18 you still have a lot of life to live and a lot of chances to met the real man of your dreams, dont settle for some one who cant even take of him self, and if he is taking ANY kind of drugs then he is not taking care of him self.....hope i helped

Stay with him if having sex is enough for you.

Break up with him if you feel you need something more from him.

Do not rely that he will change ever. He seems not loving you.

All of the best to you!

Well...looks like were on the same boat, girl. I'm also going through the same pain of loving without the assurance of a commitment. Like you, I'm also trying my best to make my man happy...like you I'm also neglected most of the time...and like you, I constantly forgive him for all that he has done to me. I know the feeling of wanting to let go but you just simply can't...I won't give you that advice because I don't know how to do that myself...in fact, the most that I can do is to avoid him...

What I can suggest is for you to talk to him because you still might be able to meet halfway...if its really bad then I guess you have to let go...

I think you may benefit from my advice because I am in a 'similar' situation, and although I know I can go out and find someone who perhaps loves me a little more (often)... easier said than done. We like what we like, and unless the relationship is distructive or harmful to you, then there's no reason to forbit yourself from seeing him... just don't expect more than what your getting, and keep your options open as far as meeting new people. What qualities do you look for in a man? Think about this and write it down in a journal. Do you want to get married someday? What type of marriage do you want to have? Write down your thoughts. If you know what type of relationship you are seeking, it will be easier for you to see how you can fill your own needs, instead of only filling the needs of others. You love this guy, right? Lucky him. He has the best of both worlds... freedom to do whatever the heck he wants... and the convenience of someone to fall back on when he needs support. Accept who he is completely.. accept that you have a on-and-off relationship with him. You have not accepted him because you are resisting and questioning the relationship. Don't expect anything more from him than what your getting. If he calls you once a month, let him... and don't call him in the meantime. If you answered my questions above and wrote your answers down, then you know what you want in a man and what you wrote probably doesn't describe the guy we are talking about here, right? Keep your eyes open for Mr. Right... figure yourself out and don't waste time figuring out this guy... you already know what he's like. Enjoy him for what he's worth, since he'll probably never be marriage material. Remember: Be strong and confident and know what you want.. if you do, men will want to better themselves to be with you.. and you'll have you're choice on who YOU spend your time with.