Christmas Memories

Its killing me today. I start my Christmas shopping and all I can think about is her. I used to get so excited about what I had bought her I couldn't keep it a surprise. Every year we get a present from my Nan that’s a bag filled with loads of goodies she would pick up for us throughout the year, just socks, slippers and stuff. It was our favourite present. We would both stay up till just after midnight and open it together in complete excitement. Man this is crushing me today, I feel like I'm dying inside again. How can she not want those moments with me anymore? I also used to buy my little dog some bits, just taking happiness from giving to them both. Now it’s only going to be me and instead this new a**hole gets my Christmas. I bet he’s even enjoying the lingerie I bought her last year...I could kill myself right now. I want to ring her but it’s not her that answers the phone. I miss my partner so so much, what happened to her.

Someone help me..

Heya sorry for the pain your going it can be a hard time of year for a lot of people.

What you need to do is realign your thought pattern though. You are spending all your time and energy focusing on what there doing and what there up to. This is only hurting yourself and your healing.

There's a saying i heard that i just love because it's so powerful. Freedom comes when you let go of what no longer serves you. She no longer serves a purpose in your life.

Yes it's natural to feel angry and aggrieved when we're both so much into something but it's what you do with that anger that makes you grow into a better person.

It's time to forgive yourself and let go of the anger. Happiness comes from within and currently your placing your happiness and value in her hands.

The best revenge you can get is to live your life to the full. It's time to set personal goals and work on you for now ready for your next relationship which will come in time.

People will always come and go in our lifetimes but it's what we think of ourselves that stays with us.

Breathe easy, ensure you've blocked every avenue in which you can get information about her and just think there's nothing wrong with being single. Her relationship will most likely fade out if shes jumped in it straight from you but that's not your concern. Your concern is you.

Good luck.

Thank you Craig.

Im not angry...just very deeply hurt. I am setting personal goals and making the most of my life/freedom. But my memories haunt me. I make all this positive progress and then one thought, feeling of her or my little boy rip me apart. Im on the brink of tears all the time at the moment and I was doing so well...I can't understand it.

I don't care about her relationship with him. I very much care about my life with her. I wish we had a life together again.

Yea it's part of healing the thoughts and memories will always be there but its best not to dwell on them. When they come get up and do something take your mind off it. The brain will rewire itself in time and it's going to take time.

As long as your concentrating on yourself and keeping moving this train forward you'll be fine. Oh and the benefit is when your healed a new girl will come along and blow your ex out of the water. You'll think back and go wow I'm glad I'm not with her anymore i don't know why i wasted so much energy on her.

Time to close that chapter of your life and get excited for the next chapter.

This is what worries me. I see a lot of pretty girls (I live and work in London) and although my self-esteem is at an all time low, I'm not a bad looking guy (oddly getting lots of compliments from older women) but when I see pretty women and they even smile etc...I don't feel anything. Its like looking at a pretty car or photo. Is that normal?

Its not so much about how better another woman will be, there will be lots of smarter or pretty women but they wont be her. I know I'm a fool...

Its been 6 months after 5 years and I was so loyal, I got approached a lot whilst we were together and used to get embarrassed. Thank you so much for your time and effort replying...just need some support right now and I'm at work and feel very alone.

What kinds of things are you doing to move on?

My Christmas last year sucked. I was 2 months out of a break up (2 1/2 year relationship)...but I pushed through it....and this Christmas is going to be great- I met someone in March, and I can't wait for our first Christmas/New Years together

It gets better. I promise.

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I'm not too far from London! Anyway yes of course it's normal. When you are going through personal pain you can't see beauty and feeling as your focused on the pain.

Your not a fool this is a completely natural reaction to breakups. Oh I'll never love again, I'll never find anyone like her again. This is completely unreasonable and is your brain unwilling to break the attachment you have to her.

The way to resolve this is to look inwards and have understanding as to why your feeling like this. I mean you are probably well aware that if you let it the brain can come up with all sorts of random stuff that's complete rubbish.

If you put 6 months in relation to 5 years it isn't a very long time. There is no specific time it takes to heal but there are things you can do to get you feeling more like yourself. You are in control of your own life and journey and if there is a certain aspect of your life you don't like have the courage to change it.

You will heal you will grow and this will make you stronger and you will love again.

I've only been single a week n a bit but i already have a greater understanding of what happened. I'm focused on myself and what I'm doing and I'm smiling throwing myself into new things and prospects.

If you have to fake it then fake it it will soon become routine and you'll feel happy.

I took me 5 months to figure out what happened. I saw a psychologist and discussed it with them. I certainly don't' self blame any more. I think I need to do that more though, look into myself and subjectively accept why I'm feeling like this, rather than indulge the pain.

As for what I'm doing. Socialising with friends and family. Making future plans, as in travelling and buying a new car. Going skiing in Jan. Back hitting the gym again (previously used to train 6 days a week). Looking at new hobbies, learning the piano and generally being as active as I can. Theres no doubt my life ahas been turned around for the better, just wished I didn't have to lose her to do it.

It sounds like you're taking the necessary steps to move on.

I joined a bunch of clubs and courses, and spent time with friends. But I think the most altering was me repeatedly telling myself, "it's done. Let it go." Every time I thought about him. Acceptance is the key.

She broke up with you. She doesn't want to be with you Let her go.

What also helped me...was thinking, "I loved him so much and we had so many good times. He's not my the one...imagine how much better that relationship will be!" It kept me looking forward. And you know what? This relationship really is so much better.

Hope, trust that...God or the universe, or your capable self...will bring you someone ...as soon as you have room in your heart for her.

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...as soon as you have room in your heart for her.

And that's the thing right there, regardless of whether it should or not, my heart still belongs to her. I think only time will solve that now. As it stands I am happy in myself and letting her go will take as long as it takes. I guess its just a reflection of how much I loved her.

Such a large part of me wants her back and then there's another part that wonders if I actually put up with a lot but didn't know it because I had nothing to compare it too, from the conversations I have subsequently had with family and friends, that could well be the case. Sadly I wont know until I'm all the way into another relationship and past the honeymoon phase and by then it wont matter overly much.