What do you think?

ive posted a few times in this forum about my situation and i thought the replies were really insightful, so here i go again.

ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. we rarely argue, and things are usually perfect between us. however, last Wednesday we had a stupid argument that was caused by him saying he did not want to come out with me to meet my friend and her boyfriend (which was supposed to happen the following day). he basically said he is not in the mood to go to a bar and get drunk and that it was simply boring.

The previous Friday he thought he was having heart pains and decided to go to A+E. Its really hard to explain but he has really bad anxiety that makes him think he is having heart pains- this results in him going to A+E regularly. I knew there was nothing wrong- that it was just another episode he was having but i decided to give up my only day off work that week to go to hospital wth him. we spent almost 6 hours there. I didnt want to be there but i did not complain once because im his girlfriend and i wanted to be there for him.

so for him not to come out for a couple of hours with me, my friend and her boyfriend seemed really selfish to me. This resulted in me being very annoyed

anyway back to the story- the argument resulted in him deleting me from facebook and ignoring my messages. he did not text me until the next day saying " look, i just need time to think". this obviously sent me in to a panic. i decided to ignore the message and go out myself with my friend and her boyfriend that night. a few hours into the night i was standing at the bar, turned round to see my BOYFRIEND and his friends! he was visibly drunk so i decided to jsut walk away. he told me he wasnt planning to go out and that he was persuaded by his friend to go out for a few pints straight after work.

we went outside to talk and i started crying because i felt betrayed. i asked him why he needed time to think and he said "because im a guy". he then told me to look him in the eye, i did, and for the first time in our relationship he said he loved me to my face. i asked him why he never says it when hes sober and he said that i never say it either. i told him i loved him too and he the said he will continue to say it when he was sober i was pretty drunk and ended up going home with him anyway.

i didnt see him for a few days after that due to work, but when i did finally see him again he was acting as if there was nothing wrong. that night in bed i decided to ask him why he was out that night. i wanted to talk about it when i was sober so i could clear my mind. he explained his reasons again and apologised to me. i started crying again because i felt so hurt and more than anything, i wanted him to tell me he loved me. he didn't, he just hugged me and stayed silent.

a couple of months ago he deleted me from snap chat after i asked him about the girls he had been snap chatting. we are both in our early 20s and snap chat is almost as common as instagram amoung my friends and the people in the area where i live, so its nothing shady to be using it. he said he blocked me because i would become paranoid when in fact they were just his friends. he said there was nothing to worry about.

i asked him about why he blocked me last night and he apologised for blocking me, that it was a stupid decision but he done it because he had previous girlfriends who were very controlling and he did not want me to become like that, checking up on him. he told me that he had never cheated on any of his girlfriends and he told me i should know he would never do that. which is true- ever since i met him he has always made his opinion about cheating and people who cheat very clear.

i really don't know what to take from this situation and how to move forward. i have so many questions.

did he just say he loved me because he was drunk?

if he can treat me like that does it mean hes becoming fed up and wants to be single?

am i wasting my time?

should i leave him? this is my longest relationship and its took alot for me to let my walls down and let him in. even the idea of leaving him and being on my own is so hard to bare.

i just need someones opinion from the outside

thanks

There is a lot going on here. Try not to focus on the "I Love You". If he loves you he will show it and you will feel loved. Those 3 words carry a lot of weight but really mean nothing if they are not backed up by actions, especially if they are said when drunk, before a chance at sex, during sex or during drunk sex.

Your love for him seems apparent. But how do you treat him daily, the little things? How does he treat you daily, does he do little things that could indicate he cares for you? Focusing on that one night out with your friends doesn't show that he doesn't love you. It shows he didn't want to go out with those people. I doubt it was a coincident that he ended up there and drunk too. I'm not sure what to make of it but it sounds like games to me.

Live your life. Don't give him ultimatums but do tell him what makes you happy and disappoints you. If you get to a point where you are often happy or too often disappointed you will know that he loves you or those drunk words were just drunk words.

Good luck, stay strong, move forward.

I don't think this relationship is anywhere near being perfect.

The first thing you need to do is face that fact and quit telling yourself that lie.

You both have a really serious communication problem going on. You're not on the same page in this.

His penchant for "taking a sledgehammer to kill a gnat" approach is troubling. He doesn't sound very mature if his policy is to scorch and salt the earth whenever he doesn't like something you say or do. What does him blocking you have to do with you being accused of being controlling? That seems to be a leap when all you did was ask him to join you and your friends out of a drink.

I mean, ok, I get it that one of his boys talked him into going out---he couldn't text you and let you know he changed his mind and would see you out there? See, that's what concerns me. He was most likely trying to catch you talking to some guy because he knows his how his interactions on snap chat, etc. goes with different women and why he's accusing you of being controlling by saying his past girlfriends were. Well, why would anyone level that charge against him if there wasn't anything to base it on, you know? Not all of his ex's were crazy, I'm sure.

The issue about him not being able to say "I love you" to you when sober and only drunk would piss me off, too.

You should leave it only if you believe that that would be the best thing for your interests and your life.

The rest of it, you need to put those questions to him. I'd say it's time for a long, serious talk about what his intentions are right now. It may just be a casual dating thing he wants to scale it back to... it may be the impetus he needs to push forward with you--but either way, he needs to make answer.

This guy is full of excuses. I don't think he's that into you and he doesn't love you. I doubt his past girlfriends were controlling or crazy. Anyone who uses past experience to "punish" their current partner (such as blocking you) is full of bull. He's manipulating you, and you know you don't need to waste anymore time with this immature kid. This relationship will not end well either way.