I'm so confused and don't know what to do?

This is very lengthy story and I'm not to sure where to start but here I go....

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years nearly and throughout that time he has constantly done hurtful stuff online. Like talking very inappropriately to girls. Snagging me off to them. Goes on pornographic site which I feel could be of underage girls which disturbs me to..

He has been doin this from day one of dating him. The first 3 years where the worst it even got physical, on both sides though.

I feel like it where any normal guy then I would of left but with him I think cause I felt sorry for him and I was so attached I kept and keep putting up with it.

He suffers from depression and had quite a bad childhood and health problems so he has always been bit quiet and reserved.

So..

Now we are approaching 7years and things are no different. He has only just got a job (1st one in 9years) and when looking through his phone he upto it again. But I felt like things where getting better.. Clearly not.

I really feel like I'm falling out of love with him. I don't get excited to see him I don't feel affectionate towards him or anything. Our spark is out. I feel bad though cause at the moment he is really trying to be super nice and make things better but it's kinda too little too late..

Also this is where it gets bad..!

I feel like I've fallen for his friend!!!

About 7-8 months ago I was drinking and having a laugh with my girls and he was supposed to be going to same place as I but he never made it in the end which I was gutted about and cause I had abit of Dutch.courage I told him on the phone I fancied him.. He had only just split with his gf so was sad but me telling him that cheered him up.

From that night we talked every now and again and he started to open up a bit saying how he'd always liked me and that he thinks I'm amazing and beautiful etc. (summit my bf never really does)

Forward to more recent times.. Just before Xmas this guy stayed over mine as he is my bfs friend so it was them two that decided not me.

That night he text me to go to his room so as my bf was asleep I did. I was chatting with him having a laugh and he kissed me! I automatically just kissed back.. It was the first time In 7 years I'd kissed a different guy it was amazing! I didnt feel guilty or anything just happy and smiley.

Forward to boxing day. He asked to come over.. My bf was at his parents cause we never spend xmas together.

I wanted him to come over but thought it'd lead somewhere so thought best not.

Beginning of January..

My bf had to go away again his mum and childhood home is about 40miles away. By this point me and the guy are talking almost daily. I mention in going to be home alone and he asks n asks to come over... I gave in

He came over I was full of butterflies.. This is the first time it's ever been just me and him. We chatted for hours and then he grabbed me and gave me a really lovely n warming cuddle. Then we kissed and it kinda just went on from there. He was AMAZING. I was like a Cheshire cat when he left.

I did and do feel bad for my bf cause I kinda don't wanna hurt his feelings but then again I do cause he has broke my heart so many times.

End of January..

I kicked my bf cause he'd been up to it again this is first time iv ever kicked him out... But in the few days he was gone the guy came over.. He stayed the night. Again we chatted for hours. Got to know loads about eachother. Hes still bit down bout his ex so I comfort him with it and he comforts me bout my current.

But we where at it again. He makes me feel so sexy and happy.. We go for hours literally and it's amazing.!

Forward to right now...

So my predicament is that my bf is really not doing it for.me anymore but I do love him just maybe not IN love. And the guy is just amazing he is everything I like we'll nearly. But I dunno what to do.. I don't wanna be alone. I.don't want my bf to be sad and down and I can't carry on like it is?? I'm soooooooo confused!!?

I see nothing to be confused about.

Your boyfriend is going to do what he's going to do despite what you think and how you feel about it. If you want to love someone who disregards you like that for 7 years, then that's on you.

However, going after his boy is not going to work out, either. A guy who would encourage someone when he knows 1. his boy is dating her and 2. she's in a relationship already is not the kind of guy you want. Also, do you really want to be that girl? The one who cheats while in a relationship and justifies it by claiming that the guy she's cheating on isn't treating her well when what she should have done was to grab her self respect by the scruff of the neck and leave the relationship and deal with being by herself until a good guy comes along who doesn't do hurtful stuff, talk to other women etc. for 7 straight years.

It might do you a world of good to be alone for a bit to get familiar with your own boundaries and to learn to nip bad treatment in the bud before 7 years of your youth is gone behind someone who doesn't care enough to treat you well.

Crap happens, life is complicated, don't beat yourself up over it. We all make mistakes, and to be frank you've made quite a few in your story. Your biggest mistake wasn't staying with boy number 1 for 7 years, your biggest mistake was staying with him for more than 1.

This new guy likes you, you like him. You could throw it all away because of the things Kendahke said and no one would fault you, or you could give it a shot and perhaps have a warm and loving relationship with someone who clearly seems to care about you enough to stand beside you during a difficult transition in your life.

Either way, step 1 is get rid of your boyfriend. Grow up and dump him, NOW. Not next week, not next time you see him, not even in the morning. Get on the phone right now and dump his sorry... you get my point. Quit dating the pedophile out of pity and move on with your life.

I know what I have done is wrong.. And I.don't wanna be "that" girl but the thought of never seeing or being with my bf is upsetting. But being with him is making me unhappy. Iv been with him since I was 16 he's my first love and I don't know if I should just see if it works out over the next month. I don't know if lusting over the other guy is fogging up my window...

Also.. When iv tried to end things before he's has tried to take his life. I dunno if he'd of actually done it but he acted like he was then I'd fight to stop him.. I'm worried what he'd do if we split up.

I know what I have done is wrong.. And I.don't wanna be "that" girl but the thought of never seeing or being with my bf is upsetting. But being with him is making me unhappy.

You have to decide which of these two evils you can live with. Because you are either going to be unhappy for a short span of time (when looking at the +60 years you may have left to live), or you 're going to be "that" girl and will have squandered your youth and pretty (that's time you'll never get back) on someone who will turn around and do to you what he did to get you. Your choice.

Iv been with him since I was 16 he's my first love and I don't know if I should just see if it works out over the next month. I don't know if lusting over the other guy is fogging up my window...

If it hasn't worked out in 7 years, how many more years do you think it will take to figure out what you already know today? And probably knew it 6 1/2 years ago, too, but here you are today, unhappy with a guy who repeatedly, from day one, disrespects you.

Everyone has a first love and the vast majority of people do not end up with their first love.

Yes, lusting after the other guy is fogging your windows--as well as thinking that you and this guy you've been with have got a future.

What will you say to yourself when you look in the mirror in 15 years, with tears running down your face--a face that's 15 years older--because he's still chasing in behind young girls on the internet and "slagging you off" to them? And you've got 3 babies hanging off of you and you need his money to feed and support them because you didn't put yourself first and get your self together so that you didn't need to have him in your life? Because you could have done better for yourself and your life, but you chose to hang with him?

Thing is: you dont' need male attention right now. The men will come, but you getting to a place in your life where you are not broken down by a cheater is way more important. You will not be 23 forever... once youth is gone, it's gone forever. Don't waste it with someone who does not appreciate, respects and honors you.

Also.. When iv tried to end things before he's has tried to take his life. I dunno if he'd of actually done it but he acted like he was then I'd fight to stop him.. I'm worried what he'd do if we split up.

 

That is nothing but manipulation by an abuser. If he threatens to kill himself, then call the police over to where he is so he can be admitted for 24 hour observation. But that is on him, not you... and it's nothing more than a tactic to keep you mired and stuck so he can go on and keep slagging you off and chasing young girls.

I felt sorry for him and I was so attached I kept and keep putting up with it.

So stop feeling sorry for him, and stop putting up with it.

We never get any wasted time back for do-overs. I'd stop rationalizing to distract myself from my own fears of walking away--I'd tackle those instead while walking.

We talked again last night.. Iv told him he has to move out on Friday. From help from here and from friends iv realised it's best. Thank you all for the advice.

As it me living this life I see the situation differently. Everyone has said the same thing. I do still feel bad for him but I realise that it's time to think of me. And instead of lowering myself more. Im going to be by myself and live a happier life (I hope).

Thanks again