Ex broke up with me,started dating another guy and now contacting me.

Hi,

I'm new to this forum but from what i read so far a lot of members are very helpful.I really could use some good advice.Thanks for your time.

I met this girl 2 years ago.We hit it off right off the bat and begun dating.We were very much in love and couldn't stand away from each other.Last Feb we got engage.

But around July she started hanging out with her old friend (i hate her friend cuz shes known for being a * * * * ).They stared going out to clubs and hang out a lot.I stayed at home because i really don't like to go to clubs anymore and i don't like her friend.I admit i rather play video games and spend time at home then go do all those stuff.But i started having suspicion about this one guy that always hang out with her group.I ask her about it and she said they were just friends.But my

suspicions never went away and i started to give her attitude about hanging out with those people.Needless to say things stared to get rocky between us and last month i finally snapped and broke up with her because i couldn't deal with the people she hands out with. Immediately after that i regret what i did and apologize to her.To my surprise she told me shes been thinking about breaking up with me and told me she needed time to herself ( we had fights but we always come back to each other mostly because its stupid things we fought over).So i stayed at my friends for a while ( we lived together for a year already).After the break up i tried everything i can to make things work(beg,flowers,letters,....etc).But she kept acting hot and cold towards me and i asked her if shes seeing someone else and she told me "no".After 2 weeks into the break up i found out that she was saying (the guy i had my suspicions on) her new boyfriend and stuff through her tumblr page.So i called her and confronted her about it and she admits to me that she somewhat likes him.I asked her if she wants to work things out with me and she told me she needs time to think to see what she wants.I felt that she wanted her cake and eat it too.So i went back to the house and took my stuff out.She went crazy on me when i did.She called me i'm low and a * * * * because i 'm doing this to make her fall and i'm not a man for taking the stuff she bought for me.I left her with everything i got for her except for the rings which still is way more that what she got for me.After that she told me to stop contacting her.She deleted me off all social sties but made herself public and told me shes gonna post how great her life is.And she sure did after i left she officially dates that guy and post all kind of stuff with her and the guy.

It really left me broken because i feel like what we had doesn't really mean * * * * to her.How can you love somebody so much and one day she just goes onto another like its nothing.She say things like how hes the best bf she ever had and hes there for her.I really feel like * * * * i know i shouldn't be looking at her FB but i didn't say anything to her or contact her.2 weeks ago she facetime me asked if i want to see my dog.I told her yes and we agree to meet up for coffee.Throughout the meeting i didn't talk about our relationship or ask about that guy.It went well after that she texted me her number and told me it was good to see me again.I ask her why shes contacting me again after she said she hate me and stuff.She said she never hated me and it was just out of anger.I told her,her new bf wouldn't like her contacting me and she told me shes not in love with him yet.She wants us to be friends so that it won't be awkward when i see my dog in the future.After that she facetime me now and then and text me.I still love her very much but i tried not to tell her that. Every time she text me or call me i tried my best just to make her smile.Shes still with that guy and still posting how shes happy for their 1 month(yesterday) and wants many years with him.What does this all mean?I'm very confused i feel like shes just using me as her fall back guy.It sucks that i love her still and wants to be with her.What should i do at this point?I'm not depressed,i've been socializing with new people and taking care of myself but i do know that i want to be with her.It may not seems like its worth it to you guys but i just can't let her go.I tried to talk to other girls but i feel they just don't compare to my ex.She was absolutely wonderful when we were together and took care of me like nobody i ever had.What should i do please advice me.

Simply put, her new boyfriend is a rebound guy. She's not in love with him yet? Of course not, because while she was his friend, she was still with you and so it's probably hard for her to transfer all those lovey feelings to this new guy from what she had with you, unless he's something extraordinary. But hey, if you've had your doubts about him in the past, then it can't be anything too serious, she's probably trying to make you jealous and something to keep herself entertained.

She's in a pretty new relationship and already posting sappy happy crap so publicly, and I think a lot of people are probably thinking the same thing, and that's "what is she thinking? she was engaged! she really downgraded."

She might come around. She has to realize that for herself. Something tells me they won't last. He might really love her, but she might only somewhat like him, because he's flattering her right now. But the life of clubbing and partying dies young. He's gonna have to compete with your 2 years, so for your sake, I hope the 2 years you were with her were great. Maybe then she'll come to her senses again.

Be a man...Just go NC and leave her...time will heal all...

you will realize that leaving that kind of person is the best decision of your life...

Shes walking all over you. She didnt respect your boundaries, and you discovered her friend was more than just a potential friend, yet you remain friends with her? Do you think this comes off as attractive to a woman who wants a man? You might THINK she might see you as cool and careless, but the fact you return contact despite her deception makes her walk with a huge head like shes a movie star that can do NO wrong.

Combine that she might be seeing desperation due to you still be there in some capacity despite her deception, but before the break-up it seems you were getting needy, clingy and insecure. These traits, all of them, are ugly to women and men. I am guilty of this too, and it was one of the reasons for my break-up as well.

And this fool might be her rebound, but it can also very well be her, "next". She was feeling this guy while she was with you, it seem she lied about it, and continues to. Dont label everything as a rebound, a rebound is someone new after a breakup, not usually a friend who jumps into the picture that she knew and was hanging around her. If she starts to think it was a bad decision based on this guys behavior, then it could be labeled as a rebound, but right now she was liking him and seeing potential.

This is the CLASS of woman to avoid. The type to move away from and forget. She is keeping you as a life-jacket in case this dude is not who she wants to be with, also as support; you are like a vending machine for her ego, dating someone new is scary for some, some look for an ego-boost from others, a validation of their worth to build their confidence for this guy. Many people are guilty of this and they arent even aware that they are doing it.

She seems selfish and immature. I dont know why people want to keep people like this. Go no-contact and forget her. Stop giving her attention, no matter how slight and careless you think it is. Act like your time is valuable, that you are to be chased, that you arent clingy, needy or insecure. Dont be her hit of confidence-crack when she cant figure out this dudes intention. Its hard to walk into a new relationship, let her own insecurity with a new man go natural, dont be her support, also let her realize you are actually gone forever, and weight the options, she wont do that if you are still alive in her mind. Note, leaving someone and being careless and moving on is attractive for some because its a position of power, it shows you are strong-willed and valuable, not weak and clingy.

If she reaches out, then reply if its obvious this dude is out of the picture and she wants you back. But I honestly wouldnt bother.

Let her go man its the best thing you can do. My ex of 3 years left me last year for "Just a Firend". Less then a year later they are getting married. Good luck to the both of them. It happens to the best of us. Things will get better. Be the bigger person and just let her go. If you choose to hold on ist just going to bring you down. I am way more happy 8 months later then I was a year ago. Time heals, trust me. Best of luck mate!

Everybody told me to let her go but i made a lot of mistakes in our relationship.Such as not paying too much attention,always focus on my video games,rarely takes her out, complaining about budget whenever she wants to go out,always giving attitude when her friends are over,made her give up our baby cuz i wasn't really ready(1 year ago) and most importantly even though we were engage i din't even ask her properly i just give the ring pretty much.But she was the better person when we were together.She would spend her money just to buy me things i want or take me out to eat when i'm broke,always wanted to spend time with me,sending me cute messages all the time,telling everybody how lucky she is to have me,always think of me first before herself..etc.I just feel like she left me because the better part of me wasn't acting right and got caught up with the cheese ball whose feeding her attention that she wanted.I know what she did was very very messed up but i just want to give it another go even if it means she will do this to me and break my heart again.I just can't let her be the one that got away.I want a second chance and if it doesn't work out and i ended up getting hurt again i will know for sure she really doesn't deserve me.Its stupid i know but that is how i feel.

What should i be doing at this point?Should i go n/c again and let her know that its too hard for me to be there for her emotionally when she goes home and eff other guy every night.Shes really going through a lot of issues right now such as rent,quit her job,family issues.Should i do it?it seems like its a bad time for me to do it to her i'm afraid shes gonna resent me for it.And i really don't want to push her more into the other guy.Speaking of which i wonder if that guy even knows she has these issues.I'm sure if he care for her enough he would help her out but he has a reputation as a player.A lot of my friends told me.I dunno.Someone please advice me.PLEASE!

Nobody is responding to me but i'm going to write more anyways because i don't know how else to vent.If you are reading this any kind of response would be appreciated.

So she called me this morning and i didn't pick up.She texted me why.I told her its just hard for me because no matter how happy or good i make her feel by talking to her or by being there she just gonna go home and sleep with another guy.And i told her it will probably be best for me if i stay away from her.I did however tell her if she really want me she can come find me but not while shes with another guy.

She said she didn't even know why she bother to be on good terms with me and told me she won't find me because she only has eyes for that guy and we probably won't ever change.How can she say something like that?It really hurts.

Even though she said that i know shes into him more than hes into her.I feel like shes progressing fast with this guy to the point where me and her used to have.And i know hes can't do the things i did for her such as helping her with rent and all the little things(if he does she wouldn't be stressing about it all the time).She even admits to me that she wants to be on good terms with me cuz i know every little thing she likes,her family really likes me too.Did i do what i should be doing.I just want her to realize what my value is because she obviously dun think much of me right now.I will avoid contacting her for now but my feelings don't change that i still want to work things out with her.But for now i have no choice but to wait till she realize her mistake.She needs to grow up badly.Long nights ahead of me.Sigh.....

Stop telling her it hurts and start ignoring more. The next time she contacts tell her you've tried to be nice about it. You don't have any respect left for her and now you're no longer interested in reconciling.

Stop talking to her. You have to break the chain of communication in order for you to properly heal. Stop caring about who/what/when/where/why/how and start focusing on yourself.

maybe she really doesnt deserve you??

you neglected her, and i take it, it was an abortion you made her have ? (in fairness you cant make someone have an abortion so she chose you over your baby) and that will have been a real ordeal to go through, as im sure it will have been for you too. did you support her afterwards? or did you go back and play on your video games?

i think whats happened she truly did love you, but when this guy shows her attention she realised that you took her for granted and realised she didnt have to settle for that. hands up for you also realising that however, and maybe you will get your second chance...but it annoys me when peeps just judge someone so easily on here....ever occur to anyone that this abortion/adoption is traumatic and shes going out partying to block it out in some twisted way?

either way, i dont thinks shes really that happy...she either just wants to prove to you "look you ignored me and this is what happens" because you havent said anything about having feelings for her. so shes taking that as confirmation that you dont love her, you prob werent that into her cos you neglected her, and nothings changed. i know i would.

you can still express your feelings without losing dignity...ie "i do love you but you are with your new bf so i will respect that and stay away and wish you every happiness" that way you are making her also face up to her choices about handling the break up, the way she has, and her real irk with you in a loving, but strong way.

i jus see a bit of an ego battle on both sides here. its got messy and theres no need for it to be. lay it on the line, leave it with her...sometimes giving them back the ball isnt disempowering...it can be empowering for both...and they know where you stand, and you know where they stand. whatever comes after that has a better chance of being done in truth, not games.

I don't know what to think anymore.She have no respect for me or for our relationship right now.She just caught up with this new guy.I'm just gonna have to wait and see.Lets see if this new guy that she care so much about is going to live up with her baggage.She got no job right now.Can't even pay rent on time.Let alone food and all other expenses.Lets see how many of her so called friends gonna be there for her when she don't even have a place to stay and her new guy really gonna shoulder all that responsibility?She needs to learn her lesson and grow the eff up.I'm sticking to my n/c.She'll learn my value and i'll be at peace.For now i'll just eat up all this feelings still sucks but i'm sure ill get better.Eventually.

OP,

Please stop giving her the emotional support she needs while she's off having sex with another man. You're only hurting yourself in every possible way by doing this. You'll hate yourself, and she'll look at you as less of a man.

Went through a similar situation with my ex. She started hanging out with some sketchy ppl and we ended breaking up. Shortly after that she ends up with this guy. At first I was really depressed about it and tried to get her back. This ended up just hurting me worse. I finally realized nc was what I had to do. It's been about a month and now she's texting me telling me how she regrets everything, and because of nc I'm able to look at the situation with a clear mind idk if I even want to be with her anymore. Be strong use nc it works. It will work for you one way or the other.

Can you tell me how this ended for you?