Asking a girl out feels like asking for sex?

I guess it was learned when I was growing up. It seemed like men on TV were always after women for sex and that the women really didn't want it. Like men were the big bad wolf. Women never seemed to enjoy the physical pleasure. They only gave in to keep the guy's company.

Then I hear women complaining all the time on eNO and in real life about men just wanting sex. This makes me feel incredibly guilty about any sexual thoughts I have about an attractive women. I'm constantly thinking that if I show any sexual interest she will think I'm just another jerk looking for sex. I feel like kissing and making out is simply a first step along the way to sex, and asking a girl out is the first step to kissing. So by asking a girl out, I'm basically saying that I'm attracted to her and have sexual thoughts about her. This should be natural and acceptable, but it doesn't feel right.

Maybe this is why guys are hesitant to ask girls out, because they feel guilty about being sexually attracted to them. Like we are supposed to somehow only like them as friends first, and only after the girl starts to have feelings for us are we allowed to have sexual thoughts about them. If we show too much interest we're met with suspicion and our motives are questioned.

Do other people feel the same way about asking someone out?

Its like a life or death situation when asking a gilr out. I do have to agree with you on it, its very tough. You are right its like asking them to have sex with them. Who knew that 8 simple words could be so hard to speak of.

Personally, I'm trying to ask this cashier from my work out and I can't seem to be able to do it. I'm friends with her, and from what we see it looks like she would like to be more then just friends and I would too. I just never seem to get the right chance, or when I do get it I can't seem to ask her. We've gone out two times, not sure if they are considered dates or not. I wanted to ask her out on a official date today but all that came out of my mouth was "Hey do you want to go bowling sometime?" I feel like an idiot. Honestly, I think what makes it worse is that I'm scared that if I ask her and she says no, then things will change between me and her. I think that mostly, she wont want to still be friends or if she still does the friendship might change because she might think that I only became that good of friends with her because I wanted to get to know her better and date her.

Whoa, craziness. I've never thought of it this way before. I dunno, I'm sure some other people do... I see being asked out as just the first step in getting to know someone.

And well, females do have naughty thoughts about guys too you know. Some women even (!!!) enjoy sex.

Although I'm sure some women are hyper-sensitive about men just wanting them for sex... it can also have a lot to do with her mental space at the time in her life. Like, soon after the end of a crappy relationship it can seem like the opposite sex are just jerks (men and women).

But are you too focused on the physical? Do you not ask women out to get to know them, possibly have a relationship with them?

Hmmm.. I was under the impression that women want to, and enjoy, having sex with nice guys that they like and treat them well.

I disagree that asking a girl out is like asking for sex (unless that's really your intention, lol). If a guy asked me out, I would see it exactly for what it is - we like each other and he asked me out. We go out, get to know each other more and take it from there. Nothing to it.

I never really looked at it this way before either. Well, if a guy is being respectful towards me and is wanting to build a relationship, then i won't be thinking: he wants only one thing. Ask yourself what your true intentions are. I don't think that you are only after something physical.

I can imagine what it would be like to be intimate with someone; i think it's pretty normal for women to think about it as well..

in my case i want there to be trust and commitment first.

 

Maybe this is why guys are hesitant to ask girls out, because they feel guilty about being sexually attracted to them. Like we are supposed to somehow only like them as friends first, and only after the girl starts to have feelings for us are we allowed to have sexual thoughts about them. If we show too much interest we're met with suspicion and our motives are questioned.

 

Do other people feel the same way about asking someone out?

Yes I feel the same way too. Even though my intentions are genuine and honest, and that I seek a girlfriend and not just someone to have fun with, it seems you are under the spotlight and under scrutiny.

Could just be me though....seems like you can't go on a date anymore and see how things go.

But are you too focused on the physical? Do you not ask women out to get to know them, possibly have a relationship with them?

I need to like a girl for more than just physical attraction to have sex with her, and I need to feel that she likes me too. I never want to have sex just once with someone.

I don't think I'm too focused on the physical, but if I see someone that's very hot, then I can't help but be attracted. But then I think of statements like "are you too focused on the physical?" and I feel guilty about even approaching her, like I'm not supposed to only talk to her because she's hot.

And if I'm physically attracted and know some other things about her that I like, then I like her even more. But that feeling just manifests itself as a desire to be sexual with her. It's an involuntary reaction that happens in my brain that I can't control. Don't most people feel the same way? It seems easier to date women that I'm less attracted too because the sexual feelings won't be as strong early on and I can get to know her first.

Hmmm.. I was under the impression that women want to, and enjoy, having sex with nice guys that they like and treat them well.

I realize that now, but growing up it didn't seem like that. It seems like a lot of girls think of sex as a carrot that they hold out to get commitment from guys. The whole why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free thing. Stuff like that made me think that women don't really enjoy the sex. And I think that is true of many younger inexperienced girls that don't realize how good sex is supposed to be.

Well, for me - when I ask a girl out, my intension is to enjoy life, love and of course sex - the sex can come either first or last. I will get sick/guilty dating a girl and let her go without sex.

I understand the sentiment. Imagine what it feels to be the girl, eh? We're supposed to not want sex, not be the aggressive one. Us asking a guy out is mostly frowned upon. All I can say is, play by your own rules and as long as you don't go do anything stupidly offensive, forget what other people think how things should be.

I guess it was learned when I was growing up. It seemed like men on TV were always after women for sex and that the women really didn't want it. Like men were the big bad wolf. Women never seemed to enjoy the physical pleasure. They only gave in to keep the guy's company.

TV is the greatest brainwashing tool every created by humans. You were brainwashed from birth as part of "someone elses" agenda to be afraid in everything you do. The fact of the matter is that women love sex and are very receptive to men who aren't afraid to show their sexuality. I believe you are fearing rejection more then offending the women and you know what? if you are too afraid and can't grow a pair down there then someone else who isn't afraid of rejection and isn't afraid of offending a woman a bit, will get some.

Then I hear women complaining all the time on eNO and in real life about men just wanting sex. This makes me feel incredibly guilty about any sexual thoughts I have about an attractive women. I'm constantly thinking that if I show any sexual interest she will think I'm just another jerk looking for sex. I feel like kissing and making out is simply a first step along the way to sex, and asking a girl out is the first step to kissing. So by asking a girl out, I'm basically saying that I'm attracted to her and have sexual thoughts about her. This should be natural and acceptable, but it doesn't feel right.

This is why you shouldn't listen to what women say. They mess with your head and make you feel guilty about your desires and owning a penis. You need to find yourself a male friend that is good with women who will show you the ropes and teach you not to fear women.

Maybe this is why guys are hesitant to ask girls out, because they feel guilty about being sexually attracted to them. Like we are supposed to somehow only like them as friends first, and only after the girl starts to have feelings for us are we allowed to have sexual thoughts about them. If we show too much interest we're met with suspicion and our motives are questioned.

Never be friends first with a woman, a friend she sees, a friend you will forever be. You know what's the best thing to get over the fear of women? is to face your fears head on. Start getting the courage to approach women and simply start saying hello to them and build it up from there. Just remember you are doing this for yourself and the more you approach the better you will be at it and the bolder you will become.

So by asking a girl out, I'm basically saying that I'm attracted to her and have sexual thoughts about her. This should be natural and acceptable, but it doesn't feel right.

Welcome to the emasculated society where feminism reigns supreme. While sad it took you 39 years to realize, be happy that you finally recognized something is wrong with your perception of reality. Women love sex. Probably more so than men, after all they have 10x the capability to feel pleasure from the act so it only stands to reason they get more out of it.

DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR DESIRES AS A MAN!

Also, what DJDamage said x2.

Welcome to the emasculated society where feminism reigns supreme. While sad it took you 39 years to realize, be happy that you finally recognized something is wrong with your perception of reality. Women love sex. Probably more so than men, after all they have 10x the capability to feel pleasure from the act so it only stands to reason they get more out of it.

 

DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR DESIRES AS A MAN!

 

Also, what DJDamage said x2.

lol if only...

It's a weird perception, IMHO. It's completely natural to be attracted to someone, maybe it goes sexually, maybe not.

I don't think ENA is representative of the general population of women (or men). The women here tend to be a lot more sensitive and traditional. Obviously this is not everyone, including me, but it has been something I've observed. If most women thought men were only looking for sex when they asked them out, there would probably be no relationships at all. As long as you approach her in a non-threatening, non-sexual way, she shouldn't think this is all you're after.

I don't think you should feel guilty for asking someone out. There is no reason to. If they're not interested, they will let you know.

If most women thought men were only looking for sex when they asked them out, there would probably be no relationships at all.

Do you really believe that?! wow....

As long as you approach her in a non-threatening, non-sexual way, she shouldn't think this is all you're after. .

This exactly why you shouldn't ask advice from a woman.

I guess it was learned when I was growing up. It seemed like men on TV were always after women for sex and that the women really didn't want it.

You didn't learn this from TV, because if you did, they you would have learned that women give in a LOT to their sexual desires.

Your brand of sexual hangup comes from the home. And yes, your thinking IS a hangup, as your perception of relationships is really, really skewed from reality.

Do you really believe that?! wow....

For many women, yes. I'd say that the majority would rather be alone than just be with someone who wanted them for sex.

I take it you're single

For many women, yes. I'd say that the majority would rather be alone than just be with someone who wanted them for sex.

Seriously? You don't think sex is something that's on the table when guys approach? Not all guys walk up hoping to get laid that afternoon, but it's most certainly a driving force in the attraction. There are times when people may meet and then hit it off and then sex becomes a potential activity, but that's far more infrequent that I think a lot of people recognize. If a guy sees a girl in a bar, on the street, at the bookstore, whatever, and walks over and says hi it's because there's a base level of physical SEXUAL attraction.

Seriously? You don't think sex is something that's on the table when guys approach? Not all guys walk up hoping to get laid that afternoon, but it's most certainly a driving force in the attraction. There are times when people may meet and then hit it off and then sex becomes a potential activity, but that's far more infrequent that I think a lot of people recognize. If a guy sees a girl in a bar, on the street, at the bookstore, whatever, and walks over and says hi it's because there's a base level of physical SEXUAL attraction.

That may very well be the case, but he doesn't have to let her know that right then and there before they've even said "hi." Most of the time if you DO let a girl think that, then she will reject you. If a guy wanted to start dating me then I would like to think it was for more than just my boobs and vagina. Maybe he likes my personality or maybe he finds me amusing. Whatever.

As someone who has had 2 first dates lately, it didn't come to mind about having sex with either of them. It was about getting to know each other, being comfortable, etc.

It is so true. Right here in ENA lot of women have well established that asking a girl out means that you want to get into her pants. Dating = Sex. Forget about getting to know her as a person, caring, loving, building a relationship etc.

Another thing you have to note is that women will complain so much about men wanting just sex AND then they will go out with the guy that wants exactly that!

I kind of love it when I know a guy wants me sexually. But if you are coming on to me purely for sex, which is usually pretty obvious, it's a turn off. If you're coming onto me with the interest of getting to know me both mentally and physically then I like it. We like to feel desirable. So maybe I'm weird, but I like it in general.

For many women, yes. I'd say that the majority would rather be alone than just be with someone who wanted them for sex.

 

I take it you're single

 

Yes I am single but I am also dating multiple number of women because that's what I choose to do. I know it might be difficult for you to comprehend, that as a man I can date multiple numbers of women without committing and I know it will piss you off and you will probably conjure up different shaming tactics made up by societal norms, but I am quite happy with my situation.

 

Who is more likely to know more about attractions with women? a woman herself or a man that's been with lots of them?! The fact is that you are projecting your own feelings to the entire female gender and believe that most women feel like you.

 

Perhaps I should have elaborated more on my arguments towards your statement:

 

"If most women thought men were only looking for sex when they asked them out, there would probably be no relationships at all."

 

The thing is most women realise that when a man approaches them that they want sex. The question remains now is how he is going to play this one out, that the woman would agree to have sex with him. Therefore he will covertly communicate to her that if she sleeps with him that there is a chance that he will stick around and "be there for her". A woman always knows that there is a chance that the first time she spreads her legs to a man, could might as well be her last. But she chooses to take that risk because the more attracted she is to that particular man the less likely she is going to say no to him.

 

That may very well be the case, but he doesn't have to let her know that right then and there before they've even said "hi." Most of the time if you DO let a girl think that, then she will reject you. If a guy wanted to start dating me then I would like to think it was for more than just my boobs and vagina. Maybe he likes my personality or maybe he finds me amusing. Whatever.

 

A guy will choose your boobs and vagina first then it’s a bonus if you got a good personality. As I mentioned before, guys who understand women do not just go up to any woman and say some corny line: "hey nice shoes wanna fvck?". Guys that understand women know that they need to come with confidence and be assertive without mentioning the word "sex" right away. All he has to do is make the woman sexually arouse by making her laugh, look good, touch her and slowly let her drop her guard. Even the so called "nice guys" on this site who thinks I am being harsh are in denial that they want sex and instead camouflage their intentions by saying stuff like "I don't want to be a jerk so I will be the good guy who want to get to know her first" blah blah blah...