You and Me Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Girls, do you ever approach a guy you find attractive at a bar and start talking to him or do you always want the guy to come to you? I just got out of a five year relationship. I have always been really shy when it comes to women. I think I am good looking and attractive and people have told me so, but I think that only goes so far and that you also need to have a good personality and be able to talk to women. I notice when I am out at bars with friends, women never approach me, and yet I will always see friends of mine, who aren't necessarily attractive, chatting up attractive women. I always feel rejected and feel like no one would be interested in me. So do women approach men that they are interested in or is that still the guy's work? And as for signals of if a girl was interested, I would have no clue. I guess I just need to be more confident. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I would never approach a guy as i am to shy, but i know with my friends if they seen an interesting guy they would always approach them. Be yourself, make eye contact with girls and smile. Give out the signals that you are confident. I was told by a guy friend that if he noticed a group of girls and they were not talking to each other and scanning the room that he would run the other way, as if nearly like desperation. So just be happy, confident and smile. Link to comment
velvette Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I like guys who are confident enough to approach me. it's very attractive. (: once you've approached me, if I like you I would be friendly. if not I would look like I'm about to go somewhere anytime. I don't approach guys I like because--I don't like guys based on appearance! so you'd have to approach me for me to get to know you, and possibly like you. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I've always approached men I thought attractive. They always like it. I got my current bf that way. I've been approached often, also, so it's not that I always have to make the first move. I am a brave, outgoing, person. Why not go after what I want? I've never had a male take it badly at all! Link to comment
testcase Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I mean it happens I've been approached a good deal of times, but you still have to take the initiative and approach the women you want to talk to. I'd say the secret is just be yourself and have fun. If you are hanging out with your friends, laughing, smiling you are in a good position to attract some attention. Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I've never approached anyone outside of a workplace or school type environment that I can remember. I also have a very particular look I am attracted to physically, so I rarely see a total stranger I have interest in just for that alone (which would inspire me to approach him). I usually date people I've come to know. Link to comment
cutiepie07 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I consider myself pretty shy when it comes to approaching people who I consider attractive. In bars, it's usually the guy who initiates coming over and starting a conversation. If I see someone who I consider attractive, I smile and make a little bit of eye contact. Link to comment
NightLily Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I very rarely find strangers to be attractive enough for me to have any interest in them but I get along with guys well enough generally that I have no problem just talking to them. Don't know if you would call that "approaching" them, but if things went well it could go from there. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 9 times out of 10, I won't make a move. A) cause I'm not approaching a stranger in a bar. Most of my relationships started off as being introduced by a friend. B) I like the ego boost. There have been a few times I've approached guys but most of them were just me having fun. Link to comment
erase this face Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I notice when I am out at bars with friends, women never approach me, and yet I will always see friends of mine, who aren't necessarily attractive, chatting up attractive women. I always feel rejected and feel like no one would be interested in me. You're at bars. Women are seldom worth getting to know there. Try other places. Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Happens every now and then, but I definitely wouldn't rely on it. Like it or not, most of the time it's going to be on you to make things happen. You'll learn (if you don't already) that there's a billion ways to mess up and no wrong way to say "not interested." It's fun. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 You're at bars. Women are seldom worth getting to know there. Try other places. somebody has animosity towards the scene. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 You're at bars. Women are seldom worth getting to know there. Try other places. Over generalizing much? Not true at all. There are good and bad people in any scene. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Over generalizing much? Not true at all. There are good and bad people in any scene. nu uh wila, bad people never go into bookstores or coffee shops. lol *total sarcasm* Link to comment
thejigsup Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Who said anything about being in a bar? I generally approach men in the store, at the bank, at a work picnic, anywhere but a bar. Bars are horrendous places to meet anyone of quality. I just see someone cute and say to myself, "Hey, why not?" Link to comment
You and Me Posted May 27, 2009 Author Share Posted May 27, 2009 Yeah, I'm not looking to meet someone to have a relationship with at a bar. I just got out of a five year relationship, so right now, I'm just looking to have some fun and maybe experience things I haven't before, like flirting with women and stuff like that. I'm not looking for anything serious. Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I probably wouldn't go to a bar to find someone, either. Link to comment
erase this face Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Over generalizing much? Not true at all. There are good and bad people in any scene. I never said anything about people being "good" or "bad." Time and time again I've heard people say that bars are no place to search for a relationship. Which he isn't, so irrelevant. Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 We should all offer our own anecdotal evidence of all our long term partners found in bars and the eternal love you now share and then others can share all the heartache they've suffered because of them. It's relevant, I promise. ANYWAYS. The thing to remember is that it's going to be on you to make the moves a large percentage of the time. Link to comment
cat_lady Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 We should all offer our own anecdotal evidence of all our long term partners found in bars and the eternal love you now share and then others can share all the heartache they've suffered because of them. It's relevant, I promise. ANYWAYS. The thing to remember is that it's going to be on you to make the moves a large percentage of the time. I dunno.. I think that bars get a bad rep b/c there is a lot of first/second night hooking up involved and people just disappearing. But honestly, that's more the alcohol talking than the person. If coffee shops started spiking their drinks, no doubt that the same thing would happen. If you don't get too drunk, don't cloud your judgment, and stay away from those with a clouded judgment, bars aren't that bad of a place. Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I dunno.. I think that bars get a bad rep b/c there is a lot of first/second night hooking up involved and people just disappearing. But honestly, that's more the alcohol talking than the person. If coffee shops started spiking their drinks, no doubt that the same thing would happen. If you don't get too drunk, don't cloud your judgment, and stay away from those with a clouded judgment, bars aren't that bad of a place. LOL Since I'm usually the only sober person at most happy hour restaurant bars I go to, I guess that just leaves me Link to comment
clobsy Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I do not think women will approach a man regardless of how attracted they find him. I guess the reason is they are taught from a young age that "if a man likes you he will approach you". So if you do not approach a woman then there is a good chance that she assumes you are not interested in her. Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I do not think women will approach a man regardless of how attracted they find him. I guess the reason is they are taught from a young age that "if a man likes you he will approach you". So if you do not approach a woman then there is a good chance that she assumes you are not interested in her. I am only intimidated by guys who really "wow" me by their facial features and smile. Otherwise,- I've done it several times recently, for the first time since college. But you are correct, I assume a guy is not interested in me if I see no active engagement on his part, so any possible interest I might have in him generally just leads to a mental shrug and "oh well". Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 If you're a guy and you don't approach women then you shouldn't expect women to approach you. I'm shy and would never approach a guy - unless I knew him already. Link to comment
Jake Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 If you're a guy and you don't approach women then you shouldn't expect women to approach you. I'm shy and would never approach a guy - unless I knew him already. Well heh, I'm shy and I would never approach a girl and I think that puts me in a bit of a dihlema. But yeah honestly I don't expect women to approach me as I don't approach at all. I find approaching women and strangers in general as rather awkward... It's really not about looks, it's more if you're open, friendly and approachable...which I'm not. Link to comment
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