Arrggh! What's the deal with this?

[ProphetSword]

After getting the runaround from a girl who's been my friend (this is the third post about her here), I'm really *really* confused. First, she was in a bad relationship, and when things started to heat up between us, she backed off...said we should be friends...take it slow.

 

So, I did that. Then, I was convinced by evidence that she was playing me for a fool for the attention. But, a lot of this evidence is circumstantial, and I'm not sure if it's true. At the time I wrote last week, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be her friend or not (in fact, most of the people here told me to just stay away from her).

 

Now, when I avoided her, she seems really hurt by this. She got upset yesterday and said: "I'm leaving. I can see that you don't want to talk to me." I was being a little cold to her. For some reason, it made me feel bad enough that I went and talked to her about it...and I told her that it's not true that I don't want to talk to her (which is true...this is actually pretty hard).

 

Today, she tried hard to get me to talk to her. I'm not sure how to take her. As we were walking, she told me that I was like the lyrics to a song she once heard...she paraphrased them like this: "Once you were cool, and you ran to me. Now you're a fool runnin' away from me..."

 

I felt like she was playing me for a fool at the time because I'm not getting anywhere with her. But to be fair, she is working two jobs and going to school...and I know that means she has no time...and it explains why she only has time for friends.

 

Sometimes I feel like she really likes me, and at times I feel like she's just playing with me...and it didn't feel this way until we kissed...so I really don't know what to think...

 

She told me today: "I feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore. You don't pay attention to me..."

 

What I didn't tell her was that I am paying attention to her, and I do want to talk to her, but I don't want to get hurt. And it's not that I'm not paying her as much attention...it's that I'm not *pursuing* her at this moment...as it is getting me nowhere.

 

How can I make her understand I still like her without setting myself up to play an idiot?

[Mar]

Tell her how you feel. Honesty is always the best approach. She can't have her cake and eat it too; you're trying to respect her need for her time to do the things she needs and not get in her way, yet still maintain a relationship of sorts. I would just tell her, flat-out, that you're not sure WHAT she wants, since she's busy and doesn't have a lot of time and you're trying to respect that, yet have no idea what her boundaries are. For her to lay guilt trips is completely uncalled for, especially if you're reading her past signals right and she WAS simply trying to gain your attention. What about what YOU want or need? Have you taken that into consideration? That's what really gets me about these posts, is the lack of consideration people take for their OWN feelings. You have to consider yourself first. Is she worth all this agonizing you're going through, if she tells you she needs space, then lays a guilt trip when you give it to her?

 

I would tell her that this isn't acceptable. She asked for the space, and you've respected her wishes and given it to her. There's no set amount of "space" one gives in a situation like this, and it's making you nuts, which isn't fair to you! You have to take yourself into consideration first and foremost, and you're running in circles for this girl, without a thought for yourself! And don't say she "makes you happy".....obviously this isn't happiness! Good luck,and don't be a doormat.....your heart and emotional wellbeing is just as important as hers.