I So Totally Love My Husband

[spinstermanquee]

Darn it, I know he's not perfect, but how did I get so smart to pick him for the long term?

 

He gets angry and doesn't understand English a lot. He jumps to conclusions, he is argumentative when it comes to politics and government. His face turns red sometimes! He is sometimes an absentee father.

 

Nevertheless, he is an honest and loving husband and devoted (though lax ) father, faithful, not abusive, a great lover, and funny too when I am in the mood!!!

 

So, I am wondering (because we always talk about our "issues" here on eNotAlone) who else is really grateful they picked their SO many years later.

 

There is a Canadian songstress, Linda Lemay, who wrote a song/chanson called "Le plus fort c'est mon pere." In it, she sings to her mother and she questions how she might knew that her father would be honest, faithful, a good father, not a drunk, etc. I am kind of wondering the same thing.

 

There are so many youngsters out here on the site and they have so many questions about the construct of good relationships. Maybe if some of the long-termers weigh in here, it would be of value... ?

[sophie274]

Hey

 

I'm not married and far from it (19 years old), but no one replied ... so I thought I would just throw in a bit about my parents.

 

I think my mother is glad she picked my father! They have been married for 28 years. One of the reasons she has told me that she picked him was that she and he had the same ideas about marriage: that divorce was just not an option, and that they would work through all the ups and downs. He came from a very fragmented family, so that was a huge priority for him. I think the absenteeism (big time) of his parents made him really committed to being a father - and my mother knew that.

 

I know she could tell then he was ambitious, since he worked extremely hard to got to school in the US (he is also a foreigner).

 

She has always told me that she saw a lot of good qualities in him, and decided she would work through the rest. And says she has been happy!

 

I'm really worried about marriage, because having ONE happy and "forever" marriage is a big goal of mine ... hope I pick well too!

[spinstermanquee]

sophie, thanks for posting. i felt like a dolt after i wrote the above and almost deleted it but just left it, just in case... so thanks again for not leaving me to feel like a total dork!!!

 

[if i know any tiny little thing at all] the only thing that comes to mind about long term is, BALANCE. true love is not just with one side of the brain; i remember falling madly in love with guys and it just didn't seem to last more than a year. but with my husband, even when i was in the throes of all-encompassing passionate love, some instinct kept me in check. i didn't sacrifice my career or my girlfriends and guyfriends for him. i integrated him into my life, and me into his, completely. even though he made my heart beat faster, i was able to maintain my priorities. i am not sure how i kept from losing my head, because if ever there was a man to lose it over... he is the one.

 

i hope that we teach our daughter something valuable about relationships, if we have anything to offer. it sounds like your parents gave something wonderful to you. all the best, sophie!

[justpaisley]

I'm not married and far from it (19 years old), but no one replied ... so I thought I would just throw in a bit about my parents.

 

Gosh, sophie... I really, really don't mean to sound condescending to other 19-year-olds, but you are seriously wise for your age. You give such solid, sound advice - I really thought you were much older. Maseltov!

 

Wendymg - I was 20 when I married my husband who was 23. We had only been dating 2 and a half months. We had so much against us, but somehow we just knew. Of course he's not perfect, but he's perfect for me, and I love him so much. He forgets a LOT, but he never forgets to tell me he loves me, never forgets to pay the bills, never forgets my birthday or our anniversary. After a deep discussion the other night about something we had disagreed about, I looked at him and said "we have such good communication." It's so true!

 

Hooray for happy marriages! And sophie - since you have such a good model to look to when you're picking a mate, you'll have a much easier time than I did. There's nothing but divorce in my family, so it was really hard for me, but when I found him, I knew it!

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I am happy for you for picking a good life partners and having a role model father.

 

I am currently single. I do hope I am able to a husband who is responsible, honest, smart, hardworking and willing to work together when life throw us a challenge.

 

I also hope it will be a life time marriage. I pick seek and pick my partner wisely.

[FarthestEdge]

Darn it, I know he's not perfect, but how did I get so smart to pick him for the long term?

 

I totally agree with you! I've been lurking around for awhile, and your post inspired me to finally join. It's nice to see some positive comments.

 

I too can't figure out how I knew, when I met him at 17, that he'd be the one. Somehow I did- AND I WAS RIGHT. Despite the doubts of our parents, siblings and friends....

 

We've been married 13 years, lived together for 17, met 20 years ago. I STILL feel like we're just geting started. It makes me sad that to the people around us, we're one of the few who "made it". I don't like that:

1) It suggests you're "done" building your marriage and there's nothing more, 2) It's only been 13 years people!? 60 years- THAT's a "made it" couple.... and

3) It's a karmic tickle waiting to be scratched.

I just saw a marriage of one of "those" couples implode and it makes me feel vulnerable- if they could falter...well anyone can...and I don't ever want to...

 

I think the truth is, we both are realistic about what we have a right to expect from each other. We have had our ups and downs, but I find the tough times eventually make us stronger. He's far from perfect, which is good- I don't need that kind of pressure but he's exactly what I need 90% of the time.

 

Always look at what you have, not what you don't....

 

I plan to stay by him...to Lifes Farthest Edge....