nutini67 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hello, this is about the same girl that my other posts are about. I think I'm just going to go ahead and end this relationship but I need someone elses opinion. We have been casually seeing each other for the past year. Which consists mostly of her coming over to my house at like 9 or 10 in the evening and then leaving in the early morning. But on weekends I sometimes take her out to movies. This deal is that she is part of a sorority, and I am not part of any fraternity. I don't hang out with any of her friends, and she doesn't hang out with any of mine. I've got a few other friends in the sorority/fraternity scene and learned that her sorority's formal dance is this weekend. And I've heard nothing about it from her. Last night when she was over I asked if she could hang out this weekend and she said she was busy friday night but she talked about this movie she wants to go see with me on saturday night. So it seems she is taking some other dude to the dance, and I am guessing it is probably just one of her guy friends, because she still talks about doing things with me in the future. She invited me to her semiformal last semester, Im just trying to figure out the most plausible reason for her not inviting me this time. Maybe she thought I didnt enjoy myself at the last dance? She is a senior and this is her last dance, maybe she just thought it would be better if she went with someone that knew everybody else and was friends with her other roomates who are in the same sorority? Or am I just rationalizing away a situation that is obviously grounds for a major talk? How would you guys interpret this? I'm not really sad that I don't get to go to the dance, its just the fact that she is being secretive about it. We even had a talk about me not caring when she goes to "coffee" date events held by other frats. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 maybe she has to take someone associated with a fraternity or something. you might want to ask her about it. "so i heard your last dance is coming up. who you taking?" see how she reacts. if she is all miss excuse about it, tell her to beat it. if she discusses it, you might want to ask why she hadn't asked you to go yet. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 The fact that she didn't bother telling you tells me all I need to know. Link to comment
Cassie Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hi Nutini - you mention casually dating for the past year. Has this been a mutual decision? And by casual, do you mean there has been no exclusivity? After a year together, it seems odd the relationship hasn't progressed a bit further. Link to comment
rnorth Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I think "just ending it" would be an overreaction. But if it really bugs you, and it sounds like it does, then address it with her. Maybe she needs to see that you care enough that it would bug you..... This is a tough one. Good luck! Link to comment
nutini67 Posted April 11, 2007 Author Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hi Nutini - you mention casually dating for the past year. Has this been a mutual decision? And by casual, do you mean there has been no exclusivity? After a year together, it seems odd the relationship hasn't progressed a bit further. It's stayed casual because of a lot of reasons, most on my other posts. We talked about it and both agreed to keep it exclusive. It is a very odd relationship for sure. I'm absolutely sure that its just with a guy friend, she talked about going to dances with guy friends in earlier years. But I guess that doesnt matter, its the fact that she kept it a secret. I could go on and pretend I had no idea about it, but that would be wimpy. It sucks it has to end this way. Link to comment
Cassie Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 So you're exclusive, but casual? Huh?? Exclusively casual? Without reading the entire history; if it hasn't gone anywhere in a year, I'd agree with ending it. At least enough to free each other up to meet other compatible prospects. Why continue wasting your time on a dead-end street? Because someone isn't committing somewhere ... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 So you're exclusive, but casual? Huh?? Exclusively casual? Without reading the entire history; if it hasn't gone anywhere in a year, I'd agree with ending it. At least enough to free each other up to meet other compatible prospects. Why continue wasting your time on a dead-end street? Because someone isn't committing somewhere ... i completely agree. i wouldn't put up with this. i would at least bring it up though. cause at a dance/social there will more than likely be some alcohol. who is to say she won't end up with this guy towards the end of the night? and you would never know. at least not from her. Link to comment
nutini67 Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 I am positive there will be no alcohol there, its a more conservative sorority, plus she never drinks. I don't think she ever has. So do you all think it is definitely wrong and shady for her to not mention going to this dance with someone else? I am 99.9% sure she is going with just a guy friend, because she herself made plans for us to go out on Saturday night, and talked about hanging out as much as possible before the semester ends. She is fairly non confrontational and I can't decide if the reason she didn't mention it was because she was afraid that if she told me about it, I would get all jealous and possibly end the relationship. So she just decided to not tell me about it and hope I never find out about it. We even talked about me not caring if she goes to other fraternity/sorority events. If she had told me about it I honestly wouldn't mind. So I think the issue is about being open to each other in a relationship. The deal is, our relationship is under the "dating" category. We are not officially a couple. So do you all think ending it because she didn't mention going to this dance (assuming its with a guy friend) would be an over reaction? Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Yes it's wrong. It has nothing to do with jealousy, but with respect. I don't mind my girlfriend hanging out with guys because I trust her, but hanging out with guys and never telling me about it... SHADY and SUSPICIOUS. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 guy friend or not. in a relationship you are supposed to be open and up front with your feelings. you have been dating for what, a year now? if she liked you as a 'bf' for that long, why didn't she ask you? Link to comment
Jay Cutler Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 In agreement with Mr. Diggity. This girl is acting in highly suspicious manner. Proceed accordingly. Link to comment
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