is he joking? running game? ...or falling in love?

[twinstar27]

i've known this guy for about 8 years. but in the last 5 years we've known each other, we've been very close. i consider him one of my best friends, but he's never actually said that to me. i only heard from a girl he dated once that he told her i was his best friend. at one time, i thought i might even have feelings for him. i tried to give him subtle hints, but he overlooked me so much, he didn't even notice. so i stepped back, and took some time away from him until i felt i could be a true friend to him. i thought, "friends is not bad. friends is quite something," for awhile, it was hard for me to hear about girls who liked him or hit on him, or vice versa. but, he tells me everything. rather than lose his trust and this special relationship we had, i dealt with it. after awhile, i accepted that i was just his friend. and this friendship has made me feel very special, and made me very happy for many years. i feel honored to be the girl in his life that doesn't come and go. but, instead, i'm the girl he tells anything and everything to...and above all else, the truth. in the past few months, i've had the strangest feeling that my advice has been carrying more weight than usual with him. i've even had a suspicion that he's been hitting on me. but, he's a joker and a flirt, so i didn't take it too much to heart. well, about a week ago, we were sitting together talking and he asked me if i ever thought about us. i was pretty direct about it. in short, i said no, in the meanest way possible. he tried to make me think differently, but i insisted that i've known him long enough to know his expectations and standards, and that all that he has to offer is not all that i am looking for in a relationship. i kept asking him why we were even talking about it, but i never got a direct answer. he only said that don't i think he would start thinking about it too if he was saying it all the time...and that he's not about just getting attention, he doesn't want to break hearts anymore. the next few days were pretty hellish. our usual fast wit and easy rapport was dampened by a dark cloud of confusion. i tried to just forget about it, but i was conflicted. i finally called him and told him i couldn't sleep. he was actually very sweet...and at one point, he said that i was the one. "for what?" i asked. and he answered, "the one for me." and i'm such an idiot, i laughed. and we changed the subject. but, after that conversation, i've been floored. i'm thinking about him so much differently than i have before. i think about the smell of his hair, his smile, and his voice like i never have before. but now, i don't know if he really has feelings for me...or maybe he's just been joking around, and because i had feelings before, maybe i'm just hoping that he means it. i'm not necessarily his type, after all. but since we are hardly ever serious with each other, i don't want to make a fool of myself, for one thing. and ultimately, i can't lose this friendship. it means so much to me. if it's real, i think we have an honest chance to make it as a couple. if not, his friendship is enough for me. it has made me so happy for so long. i just never thought he would ever realize how much i adore him and care about him enough to appreciate it, and maybe reciprocate. i wish i could tell him all this myself. instead, i hope i can get some good responses and advice from this. does this sound like like a love story or a game to you?

[Natalia Dolce]

Hello there,

 

First, I have to say your situation almost totally mirrors mine. My take on the story is: I think you should feel pretty good about what is occurring with your friend!

 

I understand that you two have a lighthearted, joking way with each other, where it's easy to say things and pass them off as meaningless fun. This can be immensely confusing, especially when your feelings for him are hanging in the balance (or at least, once were). Somehow, your friend's comments sound genuine to me. I don't know how old you both are, but some guys have an immature way of showing their interest, even as adults. I'm thinking perhaps this is the case with your friend.

 

And I also understand that you have an absolutely wonderful friendship that you'd never want to jeopardize. But imagine the possibility of more: doesn't it sound better than anything--a romance based on a great friendship?

 

I think you need to watch for more signs from him. Don't immediately get embarrassed and say, "Whatever" and pass off his words, when you are not sure of his intentions. Maybe he is testing the waters, and is afraid of sharing his feelings b/c YOU may not reciprocate. Wouldn't it be crazy if he were?

 

Maybe next time he says something to that effect, go along with it. Say, well, maybe I am the one for you.... See what he says. If he continues on, you may get somewhere. Now you might also fare better by being more direct. You could try telling him you'd like to discuss things on a more serious note, let him know the reasons you value the friendship, etc. You could give him an inconspicuous green light just by expressing your friendly sentiments.

 

I don't know much else right now.... please don't hesitate to PM me if you'd like to talk further ! We are in the same boat, and it sounds like yours may just be moving into nicer waters. Take care!!

 

NATALIA

[Lightingbird]

Your friend sounds like he is afraid to risk the friendship as well.

 

Well, one of you two need to make the decision to go forward and take the risk or simply leave the whole idea alone.

 

There seems to be "no game" running just a bit of fear.

 

Think it out. Good luck to you.

[Genesis]

How cute,

 

I think he is not playing games with you. Just see how he acts around you now. I think he really likes you but who knows. Keep us posted this is really a sweet story. I would love to fall in love with my best friend.

If he is running a game on you then you will know sooner or later.

 

 

[Mar]

I don't think it would hurt to have an honest, serious discussion with your friend about this, with the understanding at the beginning that, no matter what else, he's your friend first and foremost and you don't want to jeopardize that. It seems as though he loves you as much as you love him (as friends) and doesn't want to risk messing that up either.

 

But tell him how you feel......or ask him how he feels, whether he's just playing with you or if he means it? From the sound of it, he's already feeling pretty possessive of you, and that's a good thing, since most people aren't THAT possessive of their friends! It can't hurt to let him know that you're attracted to him and would like to see if something more would work.....the worst he'd say is that he doesn't want to risk the friendship, in which case you haven't lost anything because you want the same! Go for it....your confusion will lessen greatly if you do!

[twinstar27]

well. surprisingly enough, it all went very very bad. it's a complicated and sorted situation that i don't really want to relive. i just wanted to mention it so that maybe i can clear it out of my head. his psycho ex-girlfriend played a very big part in the big mess. but in the end, we all make the final decisions in our lives...and it's up to us wether we will let others dictate our happiness.

i guess i just wanted to say that it ended badly. and even tho i anticipated this, and it validates all my fears from the beginning...there's a bit of sadness for years of friendship and fun times...laughs and everything shared. but he made me feel so indispensible, and i know him well enough to know that he did that in a calculated way.

strangely enough, i don't feel jaded and justified in being so. instead, i feel optimistic for the future...and finding someone i have a true connection with and falling in love. at the same time, i'm doing well in school and i'm glad for the focus and direction i've been able to maintain.

meanwhile...the nightmares, panic attacks, stomach aches, and the rash on my arm...all the internal stuff that was going on while i was stressed over this and holding it all in and feeling really really hellish... -all gone.

for the first time since we became friends, my happiness came from running away from him instead of toward him. and although that is a sad thought...i'm glad for my own happiness.