twinstar27

well. surprisingly enough, it all went very very bad. it's a complicated and sorted situation that i don't really want to relive. i just wanted to mention it so that maybe i can clear it out of my head. his psycho ex-girlfriend played a very big part in the big mess. but in the end, we all make the final decisions in our lives...and it's up to us wether we will let others dictate our happiness. i guess i just wanted to say that it ended badly. and even tho i anticipated this, and it validates all my fears from the beginning...there's a bit of sadness for years of friendship and fun times...laughs and everything shared. but he made me feel so indispensible, and i know him well enough to know that he did that in a calculated way. strangely enough, i don't feel jaded and justified in being so. instead, i feel optimistic for the future...and finding someone i have a true connection with and falling in love. at the same time, i'm doing well in school and i'm glad for the focus and direction i've been able to maintain. meanwhile...the nightmares, panic attacks, stomach aches, and the rash on my arm...all the internal stuff that was going on while i was stressed over this and holding it all in and feeling really really hellish... -all gone. for the first time since we became friends, my happiness came from running away from him instead of toward him. and although that is a sad thought...i'm glad for my own happiness.

It is even sadder to lose a friend than a boyfriend, in so many ways. I kind of understand your situation because I'm at the point where things are building up, but my friend is not gay, so it's really tense. However, for my part, I already decided that I could not lose this friendship. So even though I am confused sometimes, and sometimes hurt, I stand by him. I'm not sure what you and your friend fought about, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive him to save the friendship, I would suggest trying. After all, you obviously miss him very much. And him wanting to just forget about it and not talk about it anymore is probably his way of saying he misses you too and wants you in his life, despite the problem. I would give it a chance. Friends...true friends are truly rare. Do what you can to be close to him again. It will make you both feel better. As far as your self-esteem issues, that can also be touchy. I guess I would just suggest doing something you enjoy and learning to be comfortable with yourself and loving yourself for who you are. After all, how can anyone else love you if you don't love yourself first. I hope you feel better soon. Take care and good luck.

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i've known this guy for about 8 years. but in the last 5 years we've known each other, we've been very close. i consider him one of my best friends, but he's never actually said that to me. i only heard from a girl he dated once that he told her i was his best friend. at one time, i thought i might even have feelings for him. i tried to give him subtle hints, but he overlooked me so much, he didn't even notice. so i stepped back, and took some time away from him until i felt i could be a true friend to him. i thought, "friends is not bad. friends is quite something," for awhile, it was hard for me to hear about girls who liked him or hit on him, or vice versa. but, he tells me everything. rather than lose his trust and this special relationship we had, i dealt with it. after awhile, i accepted that i was just his friend. and this friendship has made me feel very special, and made me very happy for many years. i feel honored to be the girl in his life that doesn't come and go. but, instead, i'm the girl he tells anything and everything to...and above all else, the truth. in the past few months, i've had the strangest feeling that my advice has been carrying more weight than usual with him. i've even had a suspicion that he's been hitting on me. but, he's a joker and a flirt, so i didn't take it too much to heart. well, about a week ago, we were sitting together talking and he asked me if i ever thought about us. i was pretty direct about it. in short, i said no, in the meanest way possible. he tried to make me think differently, but i insisted that i've known him long enough to know his expectations and standards, and that all that he has to offer is not all that i am looking for in a relationship. i kept asking him why we were even talking about it, but i never got a direct answer. he only said that don't i think he would start thinking about it too if he was saying it all the time...and that he's not about just getting attention, he doesn't want to break hearts anymore. the next few days were pretty hellish. our usual fast wit and easy rapport was dampened by a dark cloud of confusion. i tried to just forget about it, but i was conflicted. i finally called him and told him i couldn't sleep. he was actually very sweet...and at one point, he said that i was the one. "for what?" i asked. and he answered, "the one for me." and i'm such an idiot, i laughed. and we changed the subject. but, after that conversation, i've been floored. i'm thinking about him so much differently than i have before. i think about the smell of his hair, his smile, and his voice like i never have before. but now, i don't know if he really has feelings for me...or maybe he's just been joking around, and because i had feelings before, maybe i'm just hoping that he means it. i'm not necessarily his type, after all. but since we are hardly ever serious with each other, i don't want to make a fool of myself, for one thing. and ultimately, i can't lose this friendship. it means so much to me. if it's real, i think we have an honest chance to make it as a couple. if not, his friendship is enough for me. it has made me so happy for so long. i just never thought he would ever realize how much i adore him and care about him enough to appreciate it, and maybe reciprocate. i wish i could tell him all this myself. instead, i hope i can get some good responses and advice from this. does this sound like like a love story or a game to you?