Can spark be created?

[nola_man]

I've been dating my gf for 8 months now. We connect very well physically and intellectually and look 'great on paper'- we've got practically identical interests and are eerily similar in thought. Obviously there is some spark since we've been dating for 8 months, but I still feel that something is missing. It's a very comfortbale relationship- not a single fight. This is not because of a lack of communication, either. We're very open and honest with each other. I'm not looking for fights or drama- I guess I'm looking for more spark, since it's something that I can't quite put my finger on.

 

She has a few problems that we've planned on remedying in the future- none of them are major. One of these problems is that she's a bit too reserved. She's not very social in groups- she's fine one on one, but anymore than that and she's sits there silently the whole time. She's also never really thrown caution to the wind or done anything mischievous, so far as I can tell. She's definitely not a boring person- she has done many interesting things in her life and has many original and interesting ideas. But, she can act a bit boring at times.

 

She has every intention of becoming more social and loosening up a bit- she wants to. She just has some social hang-ups and anxieties. My question is: If she does follow through and loosens up a bit and becomes much more 'at ease' socially, what are the chances that this missing additional spark will fall into place? It's going to take some time and patience for this to happen, acc. to her. I'm willing to give her the time she needs, but I'm worried that if it doesn't work out (either she doesn't follow through or no additional spark falls into place when she does follow through) it's going to be awfully hard on her if I decide to end it after that additional time. Based on how compatible we already are and the amount of spark that we do have (which, as I've said, I'd like to be more), we have been talking about future plans together. I don't want to lead her down a road that I would eventually turn around on, though.

 

Thoughts?

[friscodj]

Hey nola-

 

I believe what you feel is "missing", in light of your very positive description of the relationship, might be what you write here, e.g. her social tendency to be reserved, and/or it might be familiarity with such a good relationship.

 

A lot of times, people find comfort in familiarity. It is why people stay in bad situations. Perhaps because you never experienced something like this before, it lacks familiarity and thus brings a bit of emptiness, like something is missing. That will come with time and enjoyment of your current situation.

 

I strongly urge you to focus on what you have here my friend. Focus on the good of this and allow yourself to be happy and satisfied. Many times I've seen and lived myself, people viscerally sabotage situations, good situations, and regret it later on.

 

I also wouldn't put pressure on her to change her ways here. This is her nature and as you said, is a relatively minor issue. Perhaps what you feel to be "missing" is your acceptance of her for the entirety of who she is.

 

I think you are sitting on a pot of gold here my friend. A lot of people around here would sacrifice body parts and internal organs to be in your shoes. I hope you realize that!

[nola_man]

I do- I've told people that dumping her would be like flushing a winning lottery ticket down the toilet. I almost feel a bit immature and whiney even making this post. But, as I said, I just want to make sure that I do the right thing now and in the future. I've also thought that I'd be kicking myself in the * * * for a long time if I ever let her go b/c of a visceral feeling that doesn't even always feel justified.

 

This is my first serious relationship, btw. I'm sure this makes a bit of a difference- I have this feeling that I'd know better than to be complaining about this if I'd had a few more LTRs. Which ties into your comments "Perhaps because you never experienced something like this before, it lacks familiarity and thus brings a bit of emptiness, like something is missing. That will come with time and enjoyment of your current situation."

I haven't experienced something like this before- you're right about that. I'm not sure how a lack of familiarity brings emptiness, though- could you explain this further? Are you saying that the familiarity will replace the emptiness with time? And that the familiarity is something to look forward to (so long as it doesn't entail staleness/boredom)?

 

Thanks!

[langford]

If your instinct tells you somethung is off - believe it, no matter how well you seem to suit or what other people claim,you ought to live by your own laws and not others.If it bothers you enough to post about it here I wouldnt ignore it.When you meet someone who you are wholly in love with there is no emptiness.

[friscodj]

This is my first serious relationship, btw. I'm sure this makes a bit of a difference

 

No, this doesn't make "a bit" of difference, it makes all the difference. I am pretty sure had you had your teeth kicked in a few times and woken up hugging the emotional toilet bowl waiting to puke again, you would feel far different.

 

Yes, I do believe the lack of familiarity, and more so the lack of basis from experience, to use as a reference is the main cause of your struggles here. You know what you have is a good thing, but you don't really know that, yet. I guess the old adage, "You can't really know the sweet without knowing the sour" applies here.

 

I have seen this happen so many times, on both sides of this, female and male. This is something common for couples in their late teens, early 20's, who are going through a lot of changes and desires for exploration, freedom, etc. That might not be exactly the case here, but with this being your first relationship, what you say makes perfect sense to me.

 

But I believe this can come with time, especially since you see this and are taking steps to make this work for you.

 

Just keep focusing on what is justified. Whenever you feel the doubt creep in, revisit some of your deepest and warmest moments together. Visualize them and relive them. Remind yourself of the good things about the relationship and believe in them. Put one beside the other, your doubts vs. what is real, what has happened, what has basis. Keep doing it, keep training yourself to think positive, keep building familiarity with these good memories and the good that is right in front of you.

 

As such, keep the relationship fresh and dynamic. Do things together, develop passions together, try new things that you can share together. Instead of resisting the changes that take place during these years of your life, embrace them and grow together.

[Karhu]

she is obviously an introvert. that is not a good or a bad thing, just a personality character. The only person who has the right to change someone’s personality is that person themselves. And I think being an extravert doesn’t necessarily mean there will be more sparks.

 

It doesn’t matter how she acts in large social groups, it matters how she connects to you. How you two feel about each other, the energy that comes from your connection together.

 

It is also known that the human body releases natural drugs when you first meet someone, giving a natural drug high from affection for the first couple of months. The effect of these drugs diminish over time, while other drugs kick in later which give the feeling of more commitment. So unfortunately the “spark” you feel at the start can’t last in the same way, but it changes, from the energy of infatuation to a more secure but les sparkly feeling of love and commitment.

 

If you want to build up more energy (spark) in your relation, instead of trying to get an introvert to turn to an extravert, try focusing more on the feelings between the two of you. Break the familiarity and routine by taking her on some dates (dating isn’t only for the start of the relation), do special things for her, get her flowers, give her a massage, go on a trip somewhere, daily think of something you can do to build on the love in the relation. This will strengthen the relation, add more love and spark, and be worthwhile in the long run.

 

Keep at it, you’re doing well

[numbhead]

i was in a similar situation to you!

 

i felt that there was 'something missing' too.... but was really happy etc etc...

 

i think everything will straighten itself out in due course! just make sure you treat her with respect and do the right thing.

 

friscodi is right when he says it b/c you dont have anything to compare it against... your g/f maybe in the similar situation.

 

deep down i could never really see myself marrying my ex, its weird really... i still love her now...(she dumped me nrly 5 months ago)

 

i think you are having the classic "could the grass be greener?" syndrome..... just remember it could be greener but it could also be browner!

 

but i think you should think about her down sides and about whether the both of you are truly compatible for the long haul!

[Jetta]

Your first few lines said it all.

We connect very well physically and intellectually and look 'great on paper'- we've got practically identical interests and are eerily similar in thought. Obviously there is some spark since we've been dating for 8 months, but I still feel that something is missing.

Well there's more than looking good on paper, and sparks are either there or not. You can grow familiar with her, more comfortable, but love is missing and you can't generate it from nothing. You've lasted 8 months because there's nothing really wrong, just something doesn't fell right. I lasted 8 years because I didn't have a good enough reason to break up with him. Then we got married and well a good enough reason to divorce came up but we were married. I only wish I would have listened to my intuition and saved myself the trouble later.

 

Listen to your intuition. She's not right for you no matter how right you are on paper. Oh yeah we were good on paper to, and now that paper is destoryed. Keep your paper clean. It makes life a lot easier.

[Dilemma]

Hmmm... what could be done to recreate the spark?

 

And how do you determine if the spark still has to be recreated or if you should just let the flame die down and start another one (with someone else)?

[nola_man]

Thanks all! Great comments/advice!

 

I am definitely paying attention to the gut feeling about a lack of significant spark- I'm not taking it lightly, which is why I'm here.

 

I think there may definitely be something to the " 'grass is greener' syndrome"- I'm a second (or third, fourth, etc.) guesser by nature, so something this important to me is certainly no exception. As FriscoDJ said, I may not really be able to truly know the sweet if I haven't tasted the sour; this may be why I'm having second thoughts that I might not have if I'd had a little bit more relationship experience.

 

Another piece of information that may play into further advice... Not only is this the first real relationship for BOTH of us, but we're both pretty late in the game for it. We're both in our late twenties. She hadn't had one before b/c she was an introverted overachiever who didn't really pay attention to this sort of thing (she's been attracted to less than 5 people in her whole life). I haven't had one b/c, although I had gone on plenty of dates, hooked up on occasion and dated a handful of people, I wouln't say I was truly competent around women until my mid-twenties (this coincided with vastly increased confidence and assertiveness gained from getting in radically different physical shape). Since then, though, I've been dissatisfied with most of the women I've been involved with in some capacity- they were all either party girls who'd string me (and several other men) along or sweet, but boring, women. I figured it had something to do with limited amounts of intelligent/cultured/etc. mid-late twenties/early thirties in my locale- not many young professionals or grad/professional students (there are definitely some, though). I figured if I moved to a larger metro area, it wouldn't be as much of a problem (finding good partners definitely does seem to a problem in larger metro areas, however, from what I've learned in reading and talking to people). Anyway, I hadn't met a girl that I connected with, on an intellectual/cultural level, in the same way that I connect with my gf until I met her. Now that I think I may interested in going the long haul, I'm feeling as if I've missed out on something by not having other serious relationships. I know that, technically, this shouldn't effect a feeling of spark- but it might. Do you think these feelings of 'the grass might be greener', b/c I haven't had much first-hand experience in the LTR dept., would have an effect on spark? Or is spark something so 'gut' that it will be there or not be there, regardless of whatever else is going on in my head about the relationship?

[Batya33]

What the blood feels and believes and says is always true.

-

D.H Lawrence

 

 

If your instinct tells you somethung is off - believe it, no matter how well you seem to suit or what other people claim,you ought to live by your own laws and not others.If it bothers you enough to post about it here I wouldnt ignore it.When you meet someone who you are wholly in love with there is no emptiness.

 

Actually, that is not true - all relationships, even the happiest, most lasting ones, have their time of disconnection or missed connections. It's just the dance of intimacy and the only absolute of "love" is that it inspires one to be giving, to act loving - but love as a feeling comes and goes and can depend on so many things.

[Batya33]

I think it can be hard to tell what is intuition and what is fear or something else. There was a good article in last month's Oprah mag about that. Particularly in a first relationship, fear can make it seem like "something is missing."

 

However, I have to disagree that she can change in any significant way. She can change her behavior if she likes and act as if she is more of an extrovert, but it is a little naive to think that you can decide that "in the future" she won't be an introvert.

 

I had a boyfriend like that. I was a teenager, he was in his mid 20s and he was very reserved and not very expressive. But he was perfect on paper. He was wise enough to say, after we'd been dating 8 months, that he was who he was and he wasn't going to change - nor should he have changed - nothing wrong with being reserved - just not right for me. I too was enamored of the perfect on paper.

 

As far as sparks - those can grow if there is some spark to begin with but you both have to want it to grow and know each other well enough to know how to spark each other whether it is through shared laughter, intimacy, etc. It sounds like she doesn't "sparkle"- she is a little dull, a little set in her ways, and she is comfortable with that.

 

And, I have heard of many couples including on this forum insist that they "just knew" each other was "the one" and that the spark was magical. Then it was over a few weeks or months later because the just knowing was based mostly on a physical connection or based on images each had of the other that with time and a slight fading of the cloud nine feeling, were seen not to be accurate.

[friscodj]

Hey nola-

 

Yes, more information that continue to make more sense of the situation.

 

For years, you have grown accustomed to short-term relationships, short-term dating, and hook ups. Your experience with this has developed a sense of normalcy there, especially in light of the fact this was taking place during very developmental years of your life.

 

Now, you are faced with a situation that is far deeper and far different. I believe the fact that this relationship is such and lacks the superficiality, the dissatisfaction, and other traits of what you are used to, the lack of such is contributing to an "empty" feeling here.

 

This may not be all of it, but I definitely think it is a part of it, perhaps a large part of it. This relationship is taking you to emotional places you have never been before with someone with whom you really connect which is different than what you know and have established as what you know to be the "norm".

 

Another contributing factor here is the fact you say you feel you "missed out" by not having more experience with situations like this. Perhaps this speaks to your stage of development and as such your deep desires to do some more exploring before settling in for the "long haul" with this woman.

 

Again I strongly urge you 2 things here:

 

1) Don't try to change her. She is not going to be everything you want and when you focus on the process of change, you viscerally attach with it focus to her imperfections which brings negativity to the relationship and will wear you and her down over time.

 

She is in her late 20's. She is who she is and from what you wrote here, she sounds to be very special.

 

2) Keep focusing and reminding yourself of what you have and how good this is vs. what is missing or your negative feelings here. Train yourself to be positive vs. negative. Remember the good times, the memories, then imagine your life without her. Look at her, touch her, hold her, kiss her, and imagine right then in the moment what your life would be like void of this opportunity.

 

Give this more time and see where it goes. Let's not speculate about the alternate possibilities here that perhaps the timing on this is wrong, that you are simply not ready for this, or that there is something very key missing between you two that has yet to be pinpointed, just yet. Enjoy the beauty of what you have right now, give these techniques I mention above a chance, and let's not rush into further analysis just yet. One step at a time and you may as well make each enjoyable!

[nola_man]

The only absolute of "love" is that it inspires one to be giving, to act loving - but love as a feeling comes and goes and can depend on so many things.

 

That's definitely the case here- I'm always inspired to give to her b/c she's such a wonderful person. But the feeling of love definitely comes and goes.

 

I think it can be hard to tell what is intuition and what is fear or something else. There was a good article in last month's Oprah mag about that. Particularly in a first relationship, fear can make it seem like "something is missing."

 

However, I have to disagree that she can change in any significant way. She can change her behavior if she likes and act as if she is more of an extrovert, but it is a little naive to think that you can decide that "in the future" she won't be an introvert.

 

I had a boyfriend like that. I was a teenager, he was in his mid 20s and he was very reserved and not very expressive. But he was perfect on paper. He was wise enough to say, after we'd been dating 8 months, that he was who he was and he wasn't going to change - nor should he have changed - nothing wrong with being reserved - just not right for me. I too was enamored of the perfect on paper.

 

As far as sparks - those can grow if there is some spark to begin with but you both have to want it to grow and know each other well enough to know how to spark each other whether it is through shared laughter, intimacy, etc. It sounds like she doesn't "sparkle"- she is a little dull, a little set in her ways, and she is comfortable with that.

 

 

1. It may be fear- not sure.

 

2. I know it is naive to think somebody will change- this seems to be the cardinal rule that so many people ignore time and time again. I hate to say that I think this case is an exception (I can hear the collective groaning already), but she does really want to be more social than she is. She has been a bit set in her ways and fallen into a comfortable pattern in which she's been dragging her feet on making several changes, but these are changes (including being more social) she's been knowing that she wanted to make well before I came into the picture. She doesn't really have the requisite confidence and self-esteem to make the change, though. I think part of her is introverted naturally (as am I- I have to have reflective/creative/etc. time alone on a daily basis), but the other part is introverted b/c she doesn't really know how to be social in larger groups or have, as I said, the requisite confidence. I told her I'd be happy to help and she's been receptive to the idea.

[langford]

all relationships, even the happiest, most lasting ones, have their time of disconnection or missed connections.

 

 

I think your very right there,something to really ponder.But I dont think a relationship should begin with that emptiness - without that connection.

[kevin0440]

Hi Nola

 

Interesting post and quite similar to my situation aswell which you've been helping me with, I think we are very similar situations, I'm 23 and in my first long-term relationship before was (4months) and a few dates, flings etc a bit similar to yourself.

 

What am I finding is and it might be a scary thought but go deep inside your own body and soul (if possible mentally ) and think about your girlfriend and everything that you two have together and also think to yourself "how much do i love her?" It'll give you the answers I think,

 

My relationship is nearly 2years old and overall it's very similar to yours, It's very good and she's a lovely girl but How do you feel deep down, does the thought of being split from each other tear you up inside, make you just a bit sad but in time will be ok or you don't really know?

 

I'm doing this with my current relationship to see how I feel, I hope it works out for you pal.

[nola_man]

Hi Nola

What am I finding is and it might be a scary thought but go deep inside your own body and soul (if possible mentally ) and think about your girlfriend and everything that you two have together and also think to yourself "how much do i love her?" It'll give you the answers I think,

 

My relationship is nearly 2years old and overall it's very similar to yours, It's very good and she's a lovely girl but How do you feel deep down, does the thought of being split from each other tear you up inside, make you just a bit sad but in time will be ok or you don't really know?

 

Good question Kevin- people often say the best way to guage your love for a person is to ask yourself how much you'd miss them if they were gone forever. I don't know if I'm sure how I'd feel if she were gone. Sometimes I think I'd be sad for a while, but I'd get over it in time. Other times I think it would be devastating- and that I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life by f'ing it up. I'm going to see what happens with more time.

[Karhu]

put effort into building sparks, do romantic things, take her to great places, on holidays etc, do silly things then you're alone together, let out your inhibitions and go wild

[nola_man]

The only reason I say this is bc your gf might actually be aware of your doubts about the relationship (hence her agreement to change and become more outgoing, perhaps??) and this awareness may inadvertently fuel her insecurities. Maybe it's just me (and I apologize if this sounds harsh) but I do think it's a tad bit unfair that she might be undergoing self-doubt due to your uncertainties about the relationship.

 

I talked to her about some of my recent thoughts and doubts. She's always known that the difference in our social natures might become a roadblock at some point, so she wasn't completely surprised. She was receptive to the idea of making a more concerted effort to be more social, as this was something she'd talked about before (as I've mentioned several times). I stressed several times that there was nothing wrong with her- my doubts are rooted in my thoughts on an ideal relationship dynamic. It just wouldn't be fair to either of us if I didn't appreciate the way she was (and somebody else would) and it became an impediment to our happiness together. She agreed, adding it would be unfair for me to focus on a change that may or may not occur. I agreed. We've got no reason to break up at all, so we're just going to see how things play out over time- it'd be silly to break up over something that, in time, may be resolved through either a change on her part or mine. Neither of us are worried about getting married anytime soon, so there's no rush.

 

I think I may have a better idea of what I meant by 'spark', too (which I said I couldn't quite put my finger on before). Her general social nature, and how she acts in group settings, is part of the equation. I think what I'd really felt I'd been missing, though, was the dynamic I have wih someone who is more lively and animated. I've dated, and been good friends with, many girls who are like this. We would feed off each other's energy- it created lively, fun conversation and great times going out. My gf usually has something interesting to talk about, moreso than most people- but her delivery is always very flat and dry. While this is appropriate in lots of conversation, I wish she'd be a little more lively and animated at other times. This will probably not change, though, as that's a pretty integral part to someone's personality. I'm thinking I'll either have to learn to deal with it or let her go eventually (if it continues to bother me). How important is lively and animated conversation to a relationship, as opposed to conversation that is always interesting (but dry)?

 

Thoughts?

[Batya33]

See, your question is almost impossible to answer because it is such an individual thing. For me it would never work (you can see my thread if you like on Loss of Trust, Loss of Humor) because I thrive on lively banter (and love those quiet times too - of course - but, you know what I mean).

 

The question is not whether it's important to "a relationship" but whether it's important "to you." I can relate because I dated men with personalities like that of your gf and it just didn't work for me. I dated one for almost a year when I was very young and kept trying to liven things up and to focus on "what" he said rather than how he said it or his level of liveliness and it just. didn't. work. He even told me at some point "look this is who I am" and pointed out that his dad was the same. Great person - nothing "wrong" with his personality, just not for me.

 

Those men did not sparkle even if what they said - the words - were interesting. I needed that inner sparkle and liveliness - not a steady diet - that would be exhausting! - but a certain balance of it.

 

Also, it might be interesting to look at what your friends are like and what your family is like - mine was very lively and animated and most of my friends are, too. Please understand I am not saying this is a better way to be - at all! - just that it is what I enjoy and feel connected to.

 

The trick is accepting what you need in another person - what turns you on. It's fine to analyze "why" and see if you can compromise - but don't overanalyze - stay true to what does "it" for you. Also, you can feel good that what you are talking about is not "superficial" in the least - and frankly, even if it was, well, we all have some superficial desires when it comes to a romantic relationship.

 

Good luck to you. You seem like a thoughtful sensitive person.

[nola_man]

Ellie-

No apology necessary- it wasn't harsh at all. You should always be thinking about how your comments, especially ones that may be potentially hurtful (even if not intended as such), will be received, and thought about, by the other party.

 

Batya-

Thanks for the kind words. I realized your point about the individuality of the issue almost immediately after I posted the question. Thanks, also, for the reassurance that it's not a superficial concern- I hate to complain, but I just want what's ultimately best for both of us.

 

Your point about family and friends definitely resonates- I grew up in a family with 5 kids, who were all very lively and animated. My parents are as well. Most of my friends are too, come to think of it. In any event, I'm going to give it time.

 

I am happy for right now. Plus, she has become more lively since we first started dating- in the beginning, it was a bit like what I'd imagine it would be to date an NPR correspondent.

 

It's entirely possible that I'm being overly critical and setting an unnecessarily high bar- not that you shouldn't have high standards, but I was surrrounded by some of the funniest people I've ever met while I was growing up. She was an only child who lived in the country- she may still be catching up.

 

I read your 'loss of trust, loss of humor' post- very keen observations. Perhaps it's b/c of an increasing sense of trust and openness that she's become a little more lively and humorous since we first started dating? Perhaps the trend will continue? We'll see- she might be the right balance one of these days. I honestly don't know how much I would have enjoyed being in a LTR with the lively and animated girls mentioned earlier, either- they were somewhat imbalanced in the opposite direction, prone to excessive drama/theatrics/etc. However it turns out in the future, though, I won't feel bad if I decide that I need someone more lively- again, we'll both be better off. Thanks!

[Batya33]

Oh yes, yes, it's all about balance. The analysis is not "well if they're too animated that's no good either" - rather it's the Three Bears analysis (the old goldilocks story)- it has to be "just right."

 

I dated a guy on and off - never seriously - who was like your girlfriend (different guy than the one described in my last post, lol). I so admired him because he was so intelligent, sophisticated, could talk on many subjects. But he was so uptight and I can remember the few times he actually laughed heartily or got really animated. Maybe it was a lack of chemistry between us but I got ot observe him at many parties and social events and that was basically him. Nothing wrong, just not for me.

 

I agree wholeheartedly that you give this a chance and yes, that she might become more open/lively when she trusts you more. I will add this though - if(when) she does, understand that when she meets your family, friends, goes to events with you she might retreat into Ms. NPR again and you may hear "she seems so uptight/introverted/aloof" from people you care about. You will have to be ok with that. I am not saying you shouldn't be, just saying to be prepared for that sort of reaction.

 

Good luck - again, you have your head on straight, heart in the right place so if anyone can make Ms. NPR into Ms. Laugh-In, it's probably you. ..

[nola_man]

Oh yes, yes, it's all about balance. The analysis is not "well if they're too animated that's no good either" - rather it's the Three Bears analysis (the old goldilocks story)- it has to be "just right."

 

As I've said before, this is particularly hard to evaluate. I'm not sure what the optimal balance is for me to function best (in terms of happiness) in a relationship, as this is my first LTR. However, I feel that, while it may or may not be perfect, it's quite good.

 

I dated a guy on and off - never seriously - who was like your girlfriend (different guy than the one described in my last post, lol). I so admired him because he was so intelligent, sophisticated, could talk on many subjects. But he was so uptight and I can remember the few times he actually laughed heartily or got really animated. Maybe it was a lack of chemistry between us but I got ot observe him at many parties and social events and that was basically him. Nothing wrong, just not for me.

 

Perhaps I was being a little hard on her. She does crack jokes and and laugh heartily often. I come from a family of comedians (not by profession, though we might be able to pull that off), though. Unless it is a very serious discussion, just about everything we say is loaded with a joke of some sort. We're constantly teasing each other (all in good fun), making some quip or spinning an absurdist yarn. As far as animation...I still maintain she could be a little more animated. She has a flat and dry delivery. But so do I, oftentimes but less so in comparison, so maybe I should get over it.

 

I agree wholeheartedly that you give this a chance and yes, that she might become more open/lively when she trusts you more. I will add this though - if(when) she does, understand that when she meets your family, friends, goes to events with you she might retreat into Ms. NPR again and you may hear "she seems so uptight/introverted/aloof" from people you care about. You will have to be ok with that. I am not saying you shouldn't be, just saying to be prepared for that sort of reaction.

 

I've already witnessed this. They, like I did in the beginning, hope that she opens up a bit more, but don't take it as any offense- they all have a very good gut feeling about her. My sister told me that this is the only gf that any of the brothers brought home that she actually liked. My family has all come to the conclusion, independently of each other, that she's basically a female version of me.

 

Good luck - again, you have your head on straight, heart in the right place so if anyone can make Ms. NPR into Ms. Laugh-In, it's probably you. ..

 

 

Thanks again for all the kind words and helpful advice!